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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Use your Brains.

There’s a heart-wearing romantic show on VH1 that’s been all the buzz lately…Dating Naked. On DN, one of its contestants, Jessie Nizewitz, is now suing everyone associated with the show (as you might have read) for being, well, naked.

Whatever you’d like to call this girl, ‘genius’ is not in the running. It does however offer the perfect teaching moment.

When it comes to dating, use your brains. For Jessie to act traumatized because Grandma saw her bunghole offends my common sense. She had no problem with an entire production crew seeing her naked while filming and an entire postproduction crew seeing her naked after filming.

Plus, she was AOK with her date not only seeing her naked, but also feeling her boobages and wrestling naked in the sand, pixilation or lack thereof.

Now, Jessie claims she was encouraged to wrestle WWE style. As Grandma probably taught Jessie growing up, that doesn’t mean she had to it. For just about every date a woman goes on, she’s encouraged by her date to get naked. Does that mean she should get strippin’? Of course not.

In the clothed dating world that most of us live in, dating will never be a casualty free business, but most tragedies will be avoided if you don’t leave your common sense at home.

Here are some basics…

• Don’t meet a first date at their house: always at a public place.

• If you’re going to meet someone online, do it through a reputable dating site that takes credit card information even if the site has a free trial or is free. That way, the user knows if the shit hits the fan, they’re traceable.

• If she says she’s on the pill, congratulations, still wear a condom.

• If he swears that little sore on Junior is from his zipper, don’t pass Go and don’t collect your 200 dollars. Just exit stage left. (Herpes is for life, he probably isn’t)

Will following these simple tips and dating smart lead to a life of love and happiness? No. But it will greatly better your chances.

And worse case, you’ll never find your, un-pixilated privates on national television for Grammy and all her yenta friends to see.

6Medium, Tips, Dating, Relationships, Love, Advice, Insight, VH1, DatingNaked, JessieNizewitz, Jessie, Nizewitz, DateTipTuesdays,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Listen.

In the 40 Year Old Virgin, when Seth Rogen dished out dating advice to Steve Carell, he said “just ask questions”.

The man was onto something.

Of course, when they ask you a question back, it’d be a good idea to answer it. You want a dialogue. But the more you’re focused on listening and the less about what you’re going to say, the better your rap will be.

When on a date, the key is to get to know your date. In the long run, it’s a good way to find your next partner, and in the short term, it’s a good way to find your next fling. We’re here to find the one. But there’s nothing wrong with some fun visits to Saucy Town before ‘one’ comes along.

Being a good listener will surely help your chances. Lets face it: we love talking about ourselves. It’s part of human nature. Asking your date questions lets them talk about themselves while allowing you to learn what you want.

It’s like a fun game of Truth or Dare. (Minus the dare part) What do you care about in a person? Ask them that. Yeah, “how was your day” gets the ball rolling, but dive into what matters to you. Listen to what they have to say. Again, the more you focus on them and less on what to say next, the better the conversation.

Think of it as your personal improv exercise that gets you out of your head. As I’ve touched on, dating can be like sales. And like sales, one of the keys to dating is listening. In sales, the more you let them speak, the more they’ll tell you how to close the deal. Same with dating ☺.

Plus, the more you listen, the more you’ll know if you actually like this person and want to upgrade them to a BF or GF. Either way, there’s a direct ratio between the amount you’re listening, and the amount you’re fancied.

I’m not saying you should listen just to close and today’s tip is not about helping you get laid (though it will surely help). I want to see you look at dating as an opportunity to find your one. Not audition for the many. (More on that here: http://tmblr.co/Zc4T9s1O3hWoc)

I’ve never once heard a friend say, “I wanted to bang this guy cause all he did was talk about himself”.

Grandma told us we had 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. She had a point.

6Medium, Tips, Dating, Relationships, Love, Marriage, Quotes, Advice, Insight, Funny, Humor,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Fly with style.

There are a few things that get on my nerves…

• Someone talking loudly on their cell at the gym is one.

• Reality stars are another.

• And for today’s topic, a dude wearing shorts and flip-flops on a plane.

I know we’re no longer living in the world of Downton Abbey, but we’re not living in the days of public toe-cheese either. Fernando Lamas was onto something when he said, “it’s better to look good to feel good”. Though I don’t see how flip-flops is comfortable, you look like an asshole on your way to a Jimmy Buffet concert.

From a dating standpoint, you should think like an Eagle Scout. Always be prepared. To meet a love interest takes luck and the more prepared you are, the luckier you’ll be.

I’m not saying you should dress well on a plane to impress your fellow passengers. (We put enough pressure on ourselves) But to dress well in public places where you’ll have opportunities to meet new people is a good rule.

You’re not just meeting the person sitting next to you. You have the chance to meet their social circles as well. It’s shocking to anyone younger than 25, but just a few years ago, we didn’t meet people online. We had to meet’m in the real world. And getting set up was one of the best ways to do so.

It still is. So just remember, when you meet that fellow passenger, they might not be your next squeeze, but they might introduce them to you. Dressing well won’t close that deal. But it will surely help.

I flew Eastern Airlines as a kid. And I felt a special experience every time I got on the plane. (It also didn’t hurt that the flight attendants were hot) I also remember once flying People’s Express, the first discount airline in the 80’s. And remember thinking to myself, this thing sucks. The plane was packed rim-to-rim with shorts and flip-flops. It doesn’t take money to dress well.

It’s like a guy walking into a nice restaurant wearing shorts or a T-shirt. It’s a bit disrespectful.

On a plane, dressy is by no means needed. Even jeans and a polo shirt, or slacks, a t-shirt and sweater will do. If you make it a habit to look nice in the air, and you’re in the air quite often, you’d be surprised how you improve your flying experience in the process.

Yes, most flight attendants today are a bit…seasoned. But dress well, and count on better treatment from them as well.

We’ll never fly in style like the good ol’d days. But a call back to Don Draper on a Pan Am trans-con can be a good thing.

6Medium, tips, dating, relationships, love, marriage, travel, flying, advice, insight, quotes, funny, humor, comedy, expert,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

We all want sex.

How is this a dating tip? Cause the more you believe this, the more sex you’ll have.

In general, the less of a big deal we make something out to be, the easier it is for us to get it, whether it’s a job, a fitness goal or a person we find attractive.

The people who make sex out to be some exotic hard-to-get act have one thing in common: they rarely have sex. They think it’s some holy grail and that’s their problem.

No matter how hot that person is across the bar, they want sex as much as you do. They might not want it from you, but they want it. The more you realize we’re all in the same boat with the same desires, and same insecurities, the more you can have fun getting to know someone and the less you feel like you have to impress them.

I’m not saying that sex is not important or lacks meaning or isn’t special. I’m just saying it’s a natural act that we’re all wired to want. We’ve evolved over millions of years to want sex. We just need the right excuse to have it. For women, that excuse might be a sense of humor. For men, it might a bit easier to come by…like a heartbeat.

So many dating obstacles come from seeing the opposite sex as, well, opposites. Like they’re some exotic species with higher standards that we place on a higher level. It’s just not the case.

As a guy, there are 2 facts that took longer to learn than necessary:
1. Women deuce. (Which can be a dating tip in itself)
2. Women want sex as much as men do.

Every time you meet someone new, remind yourself that they want what you want and they’re just as human. They want love, sex, passion, friendship, laughter and so on. Again, they might not want it from you, but they want it.

It’s empowering to believe that. Cause once you believe that, you can just enjoy getting to know someone, for your enjoyment, rather than for their approval. I’m not saying butterflies in the belly will cease to exist. But the more you see someone on your level, the less nervous you are and the more you can be yourself.

And by taking sex off the pedestal and anyone who can provide that ‘magical’ experience off the pedestal with it, the more relaxed you’ll be.

Remember, we wall want sex. The excuse is up to you.

6Medium, Dating, Tips, Relationships, Love, Sex, Quote, Insight, Advice, Humor,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Drop the Pick-Up Lines

Lets face it…pick-up lines can look cool in movies, but in the real world, you just look like a douche.

Take Top Gun. When Mav and Goose ran their “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” game, it was magic. Whether it was movie magic or Scientology magic, I don’t know, but I’ve seen a few guys run it since and you know what they looked like? You guessed it, douches.

What pick-up lines tell me is that the dudes using them feel like they’re not good enough, so they have to do something magical to cross the goal line. They’re making something out to be much harder than it is.

I was great at meeting girls. I‘m not saying they all wanted to shag me and I’m not saying we always connected, but I used one line and it always worked: ”Hi, I’m John”. As long as I wasn’t rude, it worked every time.

When I say worked, I mean that I got to break the ice and meet them. And that’s all you need to kick things off. From there, you can see if there’s a connection and attraction. If not, no love lost. Just introducing myself was enough to get the job done.

When it comes to meeting girls, your goal shouldn’t be to get laid. It should be to see if there’s a vibe and if so, get digits. That’s it. And the irony? The more you focus on that, the more you end up getting laid in the long run.

Now, are there guys who run their ‘game’ and get laid? Of course. But A, they’re working way harder than they need to and B, they’re dicks. The reality is, it’s not hard to get laid. We’re wired that way. (Tune in to next week’s #DateTipTuesday, ‘Time to take sex off the pedestal”)

So drop the fireworks, drop the bullshit and just introduce yourself. If the connection is there, you’ll be in Saucy Town soon enough.

6Medium, Tips, Dating, Love, Relationship, Girls, Sex, Advice, Insight, Singles,

Dating Ammo

Welcome to CTF’s Dating Ammo.

Lets face it…most of our dates revolve around eating and drinking.

So here’s where we’ll talk about foods and drinks that can be a great asset for your next date.

Now that it’s summertime, or as I like to call it ‘Mating Season’, there’s tons of foods and wines that are tailor-made for the warmer weather.

One product that caught my eye is Frey Wines. They have solid whites that are perfect for summer, including a Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay, you can grab’m at Whole Foods so it’s convenient, they’re inexpensive at around $15 per bottle and Frey Vineyards is our nation’s first certified organic winery.

And in case you didn’t get the memo, the ladies love organic. It’s good for the environment, it’s good for local businesses and there are a plethora of health benefits that come with it.

So whether to take on a hike, to a summer outdoor movie screening or just on your couch for some quality afternoon chit-chat, a Frey white can be solid ammo for your next date.

More info here for Frey Wines: http://www.freywine.com/index.html


On the docket this week…

Stay tuned for our first Medicine Cabinet analysis.

6Medium, Tips, Dating, Relationships, Analysis, Food, Drinks, Wine, Marriage, Love, Advice, Insight, Humor, Frey,

Stonehill’s Inbox

Here are some of my favorite submissions from the past week…

Stonehill,

Love your blog, man. I always checked a girl’s medicine cabinet, felt like that was the perfect gauge.

I know you’re the fridge master, but can you analyze this medicine cabinet for me??

Cheers!

-Corey

Hey Corey,

They say eyes are the windows to their soul.

Well, a medicine cabinet can be the window to their sanity.

The fact is, we’re all dating detectives and we all have our methods to analyze a prospect. I’ve always felt like a fridge is the most revealing, but a medicine cabinet is a very close second.

The tricky thing can be most medicine cabinets are harder to access than a fridge. By no means are we talking Mission Impossible here, but if they have more than one bathroom, you’ll most likely need to pass the slap & tickle phase of the relationship to gain entry to their med cab.

As you’ve already done the heavy lifting here, I’m in. Check Their Fridge is about finding and analyzing clues, which reveal probable truths about a person. (For example, a logical guess would be your Canadian, as ‘cheers’ is a more popular adieu up there)

This’ll be fun, stay tuned for our first Medicine Cabinet analysis next week!


Stonehill,

I like this guy, and there’s a mutual attraction. (And yes, his fridge ain’t shabby either ☺)

How long do you think a girl should wait to have sex?

Thanks!

-Linda

Hey Linda,

Along with ‘Where do we come from?’, the question of how long til sex is as old as Mankind.

And there is no right and wrong answer, just what’s right and wrong for you. The fact is, I’ve seen just as many relationships succeed after shagging on the first date as I have from girls making the guy wait a month.

Do I think shagging a guy on the first date is the best strategy? No, frankly I don’t. Even if it’s the 2nd or 3rd date (which is industry standard), I’d make him wait a bit. The key for you is to have sex when you want to have sex. It’s about you, not him and if you want it, go for it.

I’ve heard way too many women talk about when to have sex like it’s for the guy and the impression they’re making. I say screw that. It’s about you and what you’re comfortable with. If he has a problem with that, he’s a dick and tell him to piss off.


Stonehll,

I met this guy and he’s a good deal overweight. He’s hilarious and I have a good time with him, but I’m not attracted to him.

I didn’t get a pic of his fridge, but I have a photographic memory and can send you a detailed list if that helps.

Can you still analyze?

-Amy

Hey Amy,

I usually require a fridge pic, but this is a topic that interests me, so send the list if that’s all you have. (And as I’m obsessed with photographic memories, any description of condition, cleanliness and organization would help)

What I can say for now is personality is the most importantly quality when dating, but you absolutely need an attraction first.

Now, I don’t know how big this dude is, and I’m curious if it’s from overeating or from a condition. But you know what I find attractive about obese dudes? Nothing.

If you’re obese from over-eating, not a health condition and it’s to the point that you’re risking your health, that’s a problem. I’m not talking looks, I’m talking health and with obesity comes heart disease, diabetes and a host of other life-threatening issues. That will impact not only his life, but also his partner’s.

I love McDonald’s. I love meatball pizza, steaks, lasagna, BBQ, beer, bourbon, Chinese food and more. But everything in moderation.

I can go on, but I’ll moderate myself for now. Shoot me that list and I’ll dive in with my analysis.


Please keep submitting your fridges, comments and dating adventures!

stonehill@checktheirfridge.com

6Medium, Dating, Relationships, Love, Marriage, Advice, Tips, Insight, Quotes,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Appreciate What You Have

When I got married in Africa a couple of years ago, I attended the local soccer match of the residents on Benguerra Island off the coast of Mozambique.

While there, I saw these African boys play with a car made from a milk carton, two Coke cans cut in half to make four wheels and a stick to push it.  And it was the envy of all the kids.

I came across this picture of the boys the other day, and they’ve been on my mind ever since.

It reminded me to appreciate what you have.  The same could be said for dating.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t want other things and work towards getting them.  But if you can’t appreciate what you already have, you’ll never be happy.  Never.

We can all relate to the grass being greener.  There’s always going to be someone with a better looking spouse, a nicer car and a bigger house.  But it’s a choice to let that get you down.  Again, it’s natural to want more than what we have and work towards getting it. But insatiable people are miserable people.

I’ve seen many relationships where a person wasn’t happy no matter what they had.  And those relationship never worked.  Cause their view of happiness was always measured by having something that they didn’t have yet.  And once they did have it, they didn’t appreciate it anymore.

So whether single, dating or married, try to appreciate what you do have.  You’ll be happier (which is necessary in a successful relationship), and as you get more of the things you want along the way, you’ll appreciate and enjoy them even more.
ZoomInfo
Camera
Canon EOS REBEL T2i
ISO
500
Aperture
f/5
Exposure
1/125th
Focal Length
34mm

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Appreciate What You Have

When I got married in Africa a couple of years ago, I attended the local soccer match of the residents on Benguerra Island off the coast of Mozambique.

While there, I saw these African boys play with a car made from a milk carton, two Coke cans cut in half to make four wheels and a stick to push it. And it was the envy of all the kids.

I came across this picture of the boys the other day, and they’ve been on my mind ever since.

It reminded me to appreciate what you have. The same could be said for dating.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t want other things and work towards getting them. But if you can’t appreciate what you already have, you’ll never be happy. Never.

We can all relate to the grass being greener. There’s always going to be someone with a better looking spouse, a nicer car and a bigger house. But it’s a choice to let that get you down. Again, it’s natural to want more than what we have and work towards getting it. But insatiable people are miserable people.

I’ve seen many relationships where a person wasn’t happy no matter what they had. And those relationship never worked. Cause their view of happiness was always measured by having something that they didn’t have yet. And once they did have it, they didn’t appreciate it anymore.

So whether single, dating or married, try to appreciate what you do have. You’ll be happier (which is necessary in a successful relationship), and as you get more of the things you want along the way, you’ll appreciate and enjoy them even more.

6Medium, Dating, Tips, Relationships, Marriage, Insight, Advice, Wisdom, Quotes, Food, Drink, Refrigerator,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Get to the ‘No’

One of the hardest and most important lessons I learned in sales is get to the ‘No’. Meaning, if a lead is not going to buy, don’t waste time and move on to the next one.

It’s the same with Dating.

Now, whether it comes to sales or dating, we instinctually want to keep hope alive. What we often need in life is the chance of success. And with that chance, we feel like we’re doing better, cause we have more chances.

But if there’s no real possibility there, we’re lessening our chances.

What I learned in sales is that if it’s going to be a ‘no’, the sooner you know, the better, so you can move on to the next lead. You don’t want to cut off a lead prematurely, but if you know what to look for, it doesn’t take long to gauge whether or not there’s true potential.

Again, same thing with dating. We often let emotion get in the way and resist getting to the ‘no’, even when deep down inside, we know we’ll end up there.

Before I got married, the longest relationship I had in my life was a year and a half. That’s surprising to some people. To me, what’s surprising is when people date for 2 years or more when what they want marriage out of the relationship.

A girlfriend I had in my 20’s said to me after a year that if deep down inside, I knew I was not going to marry her, to please love and respect her enough to tell her and let her move on. To waste her time would be the most selfish thing I could have done. And we broke up soon after. (She was married to someone else a year later, which I was happy to see)

If someone is clearly not right for you, you don’t need more than a year to know it. And I can’t tell you how many endless stories I’ve heard about people not getting what they want out of a relationship and letting it drag on for years. Most of the time, it ends up in the same place…over.

So when it comes to the valuable, precious time you have to date and find the one, approach it like sales. Get to the ‘no’ if it’s not right and only give those who have a realistic shot of giving you what you want out of life the time they deserve.

Now, there are exceptions to every rule and I’ve heard how people have stuck around for years and it worked out. But for the most part, it doesn’t. And if they got to the ‘no’ (or ‘yes’) earlier, they might have ended up married earlier as well.

6Medium, Dating, Relationships, Advice, Insight, Humor, Funny, Tips,

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Host a game night!

Some of the simple things in life are the most fun.  Starting with party games.  Every time I get a group of friends together, at the end of the night, I always hear (in addition to “holy crap, I’m so drunk”) is “we should do it more often!”.

And we should.  What we just need is a reason.   A game night is that perfect reason.  It’s also a perfect way to bring a group of singles together without the awkward set-ups or pairings.

Just throw them all in a room, serve wine, add a party game, bake for a couple of hours and voila, a great night.

What often happens to everyone’s surprise (though it really shouldn’t be that surprising) is at least a couple of people hit it off.  If you have mutual friends, the odds are better that you’ll have something in common and get along.

Sometimes it’s best to kick it old school.  And meeting for the first time in person is one old school method that will never go out of style.  That’s not a crack to online dating at all, there’s just a spontaneous magic to meeting someone in the flesh.

The fact is, if I met my wife online, I’d have never gone out with her.  But seeing her in the same room, I had to meet her.

A game night is the perfect reason to get your crew together.  If you don’t have that many single friends, invite your friends to invite a friend of theirs.  Even if it’s just 4-6 people, it’s still a fun party.

Plus, there’s two kickers…
1 - Even if there’s no attraction, you had a good time.
2 - Worse case, you made a new friend who can now can introduce you to their circle of friends.

So plan and play away.  And when in doubt, try Cards Against Humanity, the ladies love it ☺.
ZoomInfo
#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Host a game night!

Some of the simple things in life are the most fun.  Starting with party games.  Every time I get a group of friends together, at the end of the night, I always hear (in addition to “holy crap, I’m so drunk”) is “we should do it more often!”.

And we should.  What we just need is a reason.   A game night is that perfect reason.  It’s also a perfect way to bring a group of singles together without the awkward set-ups or pairings.

Just throw them all in a room, serve wine, add a party game, bake for a couple of hours and voila, a great night.

What often happens to everyone’s surprise (though it really shouldn’t be that surprising) is at least a couple of people hit it off.  If you have mutual friends, the odds are better that you’ll have something in common and get along.

Sometimes it’s best to kick it old school.  And meeting for the first time in person is one old school method that will never go out of style.  That’s not a crack to online dating at all, there’s just a spontaneous magic to meeting someone in the flesh.

The fact is, if I met my wife online, I’d have never gone out with her.  But seeing her in the same room, I had to meet her.

A game night is the perfect reason to get your crew together.  If you don’t have that many single friends, invite your friends to invite a friend of theirs.  Even if it’s just 4-6 people, it’s still a fun party.

Plus, there’s two kickers…
1 - Even if there’s no attraction, you had a good time.
2 - Worse case, you made a new friend who can now can introduce you to their circle of friends.

So plan and play away.  And when in doubt, try Cards Against Humanity, the ladies love it ☺.
ZoomInfo

#DateTipTuesdays

Dating Advice for Beyond the Fridge

Host a game night!

Some of the simple things in life are the most fun. Starting with party games. Every time I get a group of friends together, at the end of the night, I always hear (in addition to “holy crap, I’m so drunk”) is “we should do it more often!”.

And we should. What we just need is a reason. A game night is that perfect reason. It’s also a perfect way to bring a group of singles together without the awkward set-ups or pairings.

Just throw them all in a room, serve wine, add a party game, bake for a couple of hours and voila, a great night.

What often happens to everyone’s surprise (though it really shouldn’t be that surprising) is at least a couple of people hit it off. If you have mutual friends, the odds are better that you’ll have something in common and get along.

Sometimes it’s best to kick it old school. And meeting for the first time in person is one old school method that will never go out of style. That’s not a crack to online dating at all, there’s just a spontaneous magic to meeting someone in the flesh.

The fact is, if I met my wife online, I’d have never gone out with her. But seeing her in the same room, I had to meet her.

A game night is the perfect reason to get your crew together. If you don’t have that many single friends, invite your friends to invite a friend of theirs. Even if it’s just 4-6 people, it’s still a fun party.

Plus, there’s two kickers…
1 - Even if there’s no attraction, you had a good time.
2 - Worse case, you made a new friend who can now can introduce you to their circle of friends.

So plan and play away. And when in doubt, try Cards Against Humanity, the ladies love it ☺.

6Medium, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Refrigerator, Games, Party, Fun, Cards, Insight, Advice, Tips, Romance,

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