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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I have been out with with this girl a few times and finally managed to get a shot of her fridge. I was only able to get this shot, without her catching me. She is a MILF who is going through a divorce, the jury is still out on the level of her craziness so I am hoping you can shed some light on it for me. Should I be running yet? Thanks for the help, bro!

-Brad

Stonehill Analysis

Brad,

Right off the bat, I’m excited for you. (And your penis) If this MILF is going through a divorce, she wants nothing more than to rock your world, and further justify that whatever problems she had in her marriage, it was her husband’s fault and he was a total dick.

So don’t run yet. At least not til she bangs you so much, you can’t run, just limp.

Now lets see what else our first MILF fridge tells us…

Even if she drinks beer, there’s enough here that she clearly wants to make her guy comfy. She even bought a variety pack to cover all the bases, from lager to stout. (Smart chick :) Plus, I’m making the assumption that her kids are not drinking age: if she was knocked up as a teenager, her fridge would probably be held together with duck tape.

Her fridge also tells me that she’s doing okay financially, and looking for better things from you than money. This is backed up by the fact that she’s buying only name brands: Philadelphia, Kraft, Silk and French’s are all Stonehill-approved: (though I’m a Gulden’s man myself).

One red flag is on the 3rd shelf from the bottom…is that a freakin’ wine box?? If so, that reinforces you’re in for a sprint, not a marathon. The women I know don’t drink their wine from cardboard. I mean, 2-Buck Chuck comes in a bottle. You’re clearly not dealing with a culture queen here.

Now, with a kid in the house, there’s a serious lack of quality kid food. I mean, where’s the Hawaiian Punch? The Smuckers Jelly? The Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, the Log Cabin??? This MILF seems way uptight with her kid, which brings her up to Level 3 on the Wackpack Warning System.

This is crap news for Junior, but great news for you…uptight, conservative women are the biggest freaks in the bedroom. Scientific fact.

If you meet her kid, sneak him a box of Twinkies, and tell’m to hide it under his bed. That way, he’s on your side, and has another excuse to stay in his room and away from his mom’s door when she bangs you.

So set up camp and rest well tonight soldier. You have long battles ahead. And rest you must. You and your cavalry are going to need it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 9.9
I don’t believe in 10’s, but this is a slam dunk on a 6 foot hoop. She needs to cure I’ll-Never-Get-Laid-Again syndrome and anything short of a seizure won’t blow this one.

Marry: 0.1
The poor girl is going through a divorce, don’t even think about it. And as she’s practically thinking like a guy right now, that’s the last thing on her mind.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
She’s got bigger bunnies to boil, starting with her ex-husband’s.

6Medium, Female, Mustbang, Dating, Relationship, Marriage, Love, Advice, Funny, Insight, Humor, Refridgerator, Food, Drinks,

WeltamSonntag 3


  I was featured in Welt AM Sonntag, the largest Sunday paper in Germany.  Working with the talented Susanne Kaloff, I broke down the fridges of 4 eligible German bachelors.
  
  Here’s part 3 of a 4 part series…


The last time I saw this much white, I was watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo Next.  (So if this dude is institutionalized, I wish him a speedy recovery, but I digress ☺)

Now, there’s a Classic formula passed down through the generations: healthy diet + exercise = 1 bodacious body.  Checking this guy’s fridge, he’s no Fabio, but life is a balance and he’s showing a balance here.

He’s got healthy fruits like bananas, oranges and apples, which is great, and he’s ready to party as well.

I mean, the man can make a White Russian.  Who doesn’t love The Big Lebowski?   All he needs is a bowling bowl and his fridge can host the next LeboskiFest.  Speaking of being a killer host, I like the fact that on top of his wine (and Kahlua), he’s got vodka in the freezer, and Havana rum & Coke for those Cuba Libres.

There’s something about this guy that spells fun.  And though we can all get caught up in our relationships, and the craziness that comes with them, at the end of the day, they should be fun.

He’s got more than one wine brand in his fridge plus a plethora of other choices, which tells me he’s catering to more than one taste.   A good host is a positive quality in a partner and a good sign they have a healthy group of friends.

He also has the big three condiments for a quality BBQ: Ketchup, Mustard and Mayo.  (Though I’ve always felt that tubes were more meant for toothpaste than mayo, I’m glad to see he has it)  Plus, he has Tabasco to boot.  Not only delish, it speeds up the metabolism.  Bettering the chances he looks good naked.

Sticking around Fun Town, the man’s got a healthy supply of Whip Cream.  I’m not sure if it’s for dessert, or the man’s into Varsity Blues and a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae, but it’s an additional asset.

Now, as his mom made him two large jars of marmalade on the top shelf, it’s good to know they’re on speaking terms, making his future wife’s life easier some day.  As long as he knows when to draw boundaries once he’s married, being close with mom is usually a good thing.

And I’d like to assume that golden bunny mom gave him is for Easter.  If not, as that bunny is staring at me, we need to have a serious talk.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on 1st Date: 8

There’s no such thing as a sure thing.  (Outside the red light district, of course)  But the guy’s got booze, munchies and in case of an emergency, can pull out a chocolate bunny.

The hard part is getting someone back to our love nest.  The easy part should be keeping them there.  Our fridges should provide us with the tools to do so.

With enough snacks and bevs on hand to avoid a run to the corner store, mission accomplished.  I see this fridge as the 1st stop on the way to Titillation Town.

Marriage: 7.5

There are certain people we shag and certain people we marry.  This guy appears to be the latter with everything I touched on above.

Now, he might be a bit of a mamma’s boy.  But he is a fun host, can cook and is relatively clean.  He takes care of his things and wraps his zucchini in plastic.  (Literally, no sexually translation there required)

Plus, he’s making an effort to balance his diet.   People say if you want to know what someone will look like in 20 years, check their mom or dad.  I say check their fridge.  Because what they’re putting in their bodies now is going to be a big factor in what they’re going to look like down the road.

For down the road, this guy just might be a keeper.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 1.5

There’s a sports expression: “that’s why you play the game”.  Meaning, no matter how good a team looks on paper, you never know what’s going to happen in a game.

It’s the same with dating.  We’re all a little crazy.  And whether Fridge 3 is a match for you, I couldn’t say.   But as we can see from his fridge, he’s more likely to chill bunnies than boil them.
ZoomInfo
Camera
Nikon D800
ISO
100
Aperture
f/13
Exposure
1/100th
Focal Length
37mm

WeltamSonntag 3

I was featured in Welt AM Sonntag, the largest Sunday paper in Germany. Working with the talented Susanne Kaloff, I broke down the fridges of 4 eligible German bachelors.

Here’s part 3 of a 4 part series…


The last time I saw this much white, I was watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo Next. (So if this dude is institutionalized, I wish him a speedy recovery, but I digress ☺)

Now, there’s a Classic formula passed down through the generations: healthy diet + exercise = 1 bodacious body. Checking this guy’s fridge, he’s no Fabio, but life is a balance and he’s showing a balance here.

He’s got healthy fruits like bananas, oranges and apples, which is great, and he’s ready to party as well.

I mean, the man can make a White Russian. Who doesn’t love The Big Lebowski? All he needs is a bowling bowl and his fridge can host the next LeboskiFest. Speaking of being a killer host, I like the fact that on top of his wine (and Kahlua), he’s got vodka in the freezer, and Havana rum & Coke for those Cuba Libres.

There’s something about this guy that spells fun. And though we can all get caught up in our relationships, and the craziness that comes with them, at the end of the day, they should be fun.

He’s got more than one wine brand in his fridge plus a plethora of other choices, which tells me he’s catering to more than one taste. A good host is a positive quality in a partner and a good sign they have a healthy group of friends.

He also has the big three condiments for a quality BBQ: Ketchup, Mustard and Mayo. (Though I’ve always felt that tubes were more meant for toothpaste than mayo, I’m glad to see he has it) Plus, he has Tabasco to boot. Not only delish, it speeds up the metabolism. Bettering the chances he looks good naked.

Sticking around Fun Town, the man’s got a healthy supply of Whip Cream. I’m not sure if it’s for dessert, or the man’s into Varsity Blues and a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae, but it’s an additional asset.

Now, as his mom made him two large jars of marmalade on the top shelf, it’s good to know they’re on speaking terms, making his future wife’s life easier some day. As long as he knows when to draw boundaries once he’s married, being close with mom is usually a good thing.

And I’d like to assume that golden bunny mom gave him is for Easter. If not, as that bunny is staring at me, we need to have a serious talk.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on 1st Date: 8

There’s no such thing as a sure thing. (Outside the red light district, of course) But the guy’s got booze, munchies and in case of an emergency, can pull out a chocolate bunny.

The hard part is getting someone back to our love nest. The easy part should be keeping them there. Our fridges should provide us with the tools to do so.

With enough snacks and bevs on hand to avoid a run to the corner store, mission accomplished. I see this fridge as the 1st stop on the way to Titillation Town.

Marriage: 7.5

There are certain people we shag and certain people we marry. This guy appears to be the latter with everything I touched on above.

Now, he might be a bit of a mamma’s boy. But he is a fun host, can cook and is relatively clean. He takes care of his things and wraps his zucchini in plastic. (Literally, no sexually translation there required)

Plus, he’s making an effort to balance his diet. People say if you want to know what someone will look like in 20 years, check their mom or dad. I say check their fridge. Because what they’re putting in their bodies now is going to be a big factor in what they’re going to look like down the road.

For down the road, this guy just might be a keeper.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 1.5

There’s a sports expression: “that’s why you play the game”. Meaning, no matter how good a team looks on paper, you never know what’s going to happen in a game.

It’s the same with dating. We’re all a little crazy. And whether Fridge 3 is a match for you, I couldn’t say. But as we can see from his fridge, he’s more likely to chill bunnies than boil them.

6Medium, Dating, Relationships, Love, Marriage, Refrigerator, Food, Drink, Cocktails, Funny, Humor, Quote, Insight, Male, Mustbang,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’ve been on 3 dates with Katie. I’m already getting an idea if this will go anywhere, but curious what you get from her Fridge.

Cheers,

-Ben

Stonehill Analysis

Ben, I can’t say Katie is a layup, but I can say she’s got potential.

She’s got multiple beer brands, Jello Pudding, Cinnamon Roll dough and quality OJ. That tells me one thing: Girl Next Door. And though it takes us decades to appreciate sweet ol’ Betty over clambake Veronica, sooner or later, we come to learn that GNDs are eight shades of awesome.

I’d assume she has multiple beer brands because she has multiple guy friends and aims to keep them happy. That’s a good thing. A girl who gets along well with men is a plus. The key is that she’s not afraid to disappoint her guy friends by having someone more important enter her life. Guys are often protective of their wing-women and a GND needs to draw boundaries between her buddies and her banging.

She does seem to be early on in her career as she’s clearly working, but not pulling in the big bucks. She does have name bands, but nothing upscale, except maybe her OJ as it’s not from concentrate. (For the record, Tropicana and Simply Orange are way better than Florida’s Natural).

There’s also nothing in her fridge that reveals she’s environmentally conscious except for the water pitcher, so I have to assume that’s to save dinero. And the salsa and dips are probably for a stash of chips in the cupboard. You know what that means? She likes football. (Giggidy-giggidy)

You could have a quality partner in crime here. But be aware of her boys and don’t try to win them over. No one likes an ass licker. Just sit back and lets it develop over time. If you’re not a douche, they’ll come around. Sooner or later.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 5
It’s middle of the road, cause she’s crossed on this front. She’s comfortable around men, took you home and obviously likes you. But at the same time, her boys have told her repeatedly that shagging a guy on the first date is poor dating strategy.

Marry: 7
I see upside here. Roadblocks could be an awkward attachment to her guy friends and she eats too much of her fridge stash. That or if she’s over 30, she might have a case of Peter Pan syndrome.

Boil your Bunny: 3
Though we all have our breaking point, I can’t see a girl who caught wild bunnies as a kid growing up to boil them.

6Medium, Dating, Female, Mustbang, Relationships, Love, Food, Cocktails, Drinks, Beer, Humor,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I have been out with with this girl a few times and finally managed to get a shot of her fridge. I was only able to get this shot, without her catching me. She is a MILF who is going through a divorce, the jury is still out on the level of her craziness so I am hoping you can shed some light on it for me. Should I be running yet? Thanks for the help, bro!

-Brad

Stonehill Analysis

Brad,

Right off the bat, I’m excited for you. (And your penis) If this MILF is going through a divorce, she wants nothing more than to rock your world, and further justify that whatever problems she had in her marriage, it was her husband’s fault and he was a total dick.

So don’t run yet. At least not til she shags you so much, you can’t run, just limp.

Now lets see what else our MILF fridge tells us…

Even if she drinks beer, there’s enough here that she clearly wants to make her guy comfy. She even bought a variety pack to cover all the bases, from lager to stout. (Smart chick :) Plus, I’m making the assumption that her kids are not drinking age: if she was knocked up as a teenager, her fridge would probably be held together with duck tape.

Her fridge also tells me that she’s doing okay financially, and looking for better things from you than money. This is backed up by the fact that she’s buying only name brands: Philadelphia, Kraft, Silk and French’s are all Stonehill-approved: (though I’m a Gulden’s man myself).

One red flag is on the 3rd shelf from the bottom…is that a freakin’ wine box?? If so, that reinforces you’re in for a sprint, not a marathon. The women I know don’t drink their wine from cardboard. I mean, 2-Buck Chuck comes in a bottle. You’re clearly not dealing with a culture queen here.

Now, with a kid in the house, there’s a serious lack of quality kid food. I mean, where’s the Hawaiian Punch? The Smuckers Jelly? The Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, the Log Cabin??? This MILF seems way uptight with her kid, which brings her up to Level 3 on the Wackpack Warning System.

This is crap news for Junior, but great news for you…uptight, conservative women are the biggest freaks in the bedroom. Scientific fact.

If you meet her kid, sneak him a box of Twinkies, and tell’m to hide it under his bed. That way, he’s on your side, and has another excuse to stay in his room and away from his mom’s door when you shag her.

So set up camp and rest well tonight soldier. You have long battles ahead. And rest you must. You and your cavalry are going to need it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 9.9
I don’t believe in 10’s, but this is a slam dunk on a 6 foot hoop. She needs to cure I’ll-Never-Get-Laid-Again syndrome and anything short of a seizure won’t blow this one.

Marry: 0.1
The poor girl is going through a divorce, don’t even think about it. And as she’s practically thinking like a guy right now, that’s the last thing on her mind.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
She’s got bigger bunnies to boil, starting with her ex-husband’s.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, Dating, Love, Relationships, MILF, Food, Drink, Humor, Funny, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Here’s my fridge…mostly fruit, vegetables, and eggs. I eat a lot of salads because I don’t often cook and I don’t like leftovers. I did, however, make super hot New Mexico green chile sauce from scratch.
  
  Champagne is from hosting an event and the beer helps me paint. I can whip up tasty shrimp spring rolls or sushi, but no seafood now.  Since I stopped buying ice cream and dairy, I discovered Redd-wip. Gwyneth Paltrow may think that cheese from a can is not as tasty as crack, but I’d have to disagree.  I think it’s pretty tasty, that’s why Cheez Wiz and Brie are not in my fridge.
  
  I await your verdict!
  
  -Janell


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Janelle,

We all have our type.  Some of us love the Girl Next Door.  Some love the Bad Boy.  Some dig the Mr. Big.

What makes life a bit more complicated is that most of us are more than just one type.  We overlap, with different character traits from different archetypes.

And though it’s annoying when life is not as simple as we want it to be, it does make it more interesting.  And Janell, you’re one interesting lady.  Out of my 12 lady archetypes, you seem to be an Urban Sophisticate with a sprinkle of the Girl Next Door and Arty Hipster.

Lets break down each one:

The Urban Sophisticate

First off, you have champers, the cornerstone of any Urban Sophisticate refrigerator.  It’s an adult beverage about celebration and enjoying the moment, something we can all do a bit more of.  It’s also one of those drinks that we truly appreciate more as we get older.

The fact that you’re hosting events places you safely in this category.  Most of us host friends over, but an event is a whole other story.  The fact your event served champers tells me it must have been knocking on the sophisticated side of town.

Now, even though you work, you can also ‘whip up’ adult favorites like shrimp rolls and sushi.  There’s a cool factor with the Urban Sophisticated.  They’re on top of trends and I get that vibe from you.

Though a willingness to feed someone can me construed as The Nurturer, I see it a bit different as you’re more about preparing a meal when the opportunity arises rather than always having a meal to make on standby.

Lastly, I like that you have Brooklyn Lager.  It’s a quality beer, Brooklyn is where the ‘cool kids’ now live and you can offer more than one drink choice.  Which leads us to…

The Girl Next Door

GND’s drink beer.  They have to, as they usually have a healthy stable of male friends.  And any girl who finds cheez whiz tastier than crack is the kind of chick that guys love hanging out with.  (And secretly fawn over)

Now, I can’t say you’re pure, but it is nice to see you care for Mother Earth and have a Brita filter on standby.  I also find GND’s can whip up comfy food and your homemade green chili sauce hits the bull’s-eye.

Plus, GND’s are usually active and have bodacious booties.  You’re eating very healthy with fruits, veggies, sushi, salad and almond milk.  It’s unusual for someone to eat this healthy and not be active.  Thus, the odds that said bootie = bodacious is quite high.

The Arty Hipster

The arty part is a layup as you paint.  The fact that you make the above dishes from scratch cements it.

Now, I’m not sure if your cease and desist order on dairy is for health or moral reasons, but that combined with no beef or chicken is an arty hipster move.  (You also seem too witty and less spiritual to be the Vegan Yoga Gal)

The Arty Hipster usually doesn’t have a ton of money and from your fridge model, you don’t seem to be rolling in Benjamins.  This is not to say you don’t have a solid career, it’s just not in Law, Medicine or on Wall Street.

You’re like an Urban Arty Girl Next Door.  And from what I see from your fridge, a girl I’d like to set up with my friends with.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
You’re busy hosting and painting, and thus, don’t have much time to waste.  With the champers and beer on standby, along with some tasty shareable munchies when needed, if you want something, I see you taking it.

Marry: 7
You have qualities I like: healthy, a host, confident, a bodacious bod, and you drink.

One concern is artists are often wackypack, which is great for sex, but not for marriage.  I’m glad to see with your hosting, culinary skills, social life and GND-ness, you reach beyond that.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
As you paint, you’re automatically bumped up to yellow alert.  (It might be a glitch in the Fridge Dating Scorecard software)

I do like to see your fridge is clean and organized, a good sign of sanity.   Plus, as you take relatively good care of your produce (bananas in the fridge aside), it puts me at ease a bit.

I’d feel comfy with a pet bunny around you, I probably just wouldn’t buy you one.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPad
ISO
80
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Here’s my fridge…mostly fruit, vegetables, and eggs. I eat a lot of salads because I don’t often cook and I don’t like leftovers. I did, however, make super hot New Mexico green chile sauce from scratch.

Champagne is from hosting an event and the beer helps me paint. I can whip up tasty shrimp spring rolls or sushi, but no seafood now. Since I stopped buying ice cream and dairy, I discovered Redd-wip. Gwyneth Paltrow may think that cheese from a can is not as tasty as crack, but I’d have to disagree. I think it’s pretty tasty, that’s why Cheez Wiz and Brie are not in my fridge.

I await your verdict!

-Janell

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Janelle,

We all have our type. Some of us love the Girl Next Door. Some love the Bad Boy. Some dig the Mr. Big.

What makes life a bit more complicated is that most of us are more than just one type. We overlap, with different character traits from different archetypes.

And though it’s annoying when life is not as simple as we want it to be, it does make it more interesting. And Janell, you’re one interesting lady. Out of my 12 lady archetypes, you seem to be an Urban Sophisticate with a sprinkle of the Girl Next Door and Arty Hipster.

Lets break down each one:

The Urban Sophisticate

First off, you have champers, the cornerstone of any Urban Sophisticate refrigerator. It’s an adult beverage about celebration and enjoying the moment, something we can all do a bit more of. It’s also one of those drinks that we truly appreciate more as we get older.

The fact that you’re hosting events places you safely in this category. Most of us host friends over, but an event is a whole other story. The fact your event served champers tells me it must have been knocking on the sophisticated side of town.

Now, even though you work, you can also ‘whip up’ adult favorites like shrimp rolls and sushi. There’s a cool factor with the Urban Sophisticated. They’re on top of trends and I get that vibe from you.

Though a willingness to feed someone can me construed as The Nurturer, I see it a bit different as you’re more about preparing a meal when the opportunity arises rather than always having a meal to make on standby.

Lastly, I like that you have Brooklyn Lager. It’s a quality beer, Brooklyn is where the ‘cool kids’ now live and you can offer more than one drink choice. Which leads us to…

The Girl Next Door

GND’s drink beer. They have to, as they usually have a healthy stable of male friends. And any girl who finds cheez whiz tastier than crack is the kind of chick that guys love hanging out with. (And secretly fawn over)

Now, I can’t say you’re pure, but it is nice to see you care for Mother Earth and have a Brita filter on standby. I also find GND’s can whip up comfy food and your homemade green chili sauce hits the bull’s-eye.

Plus, GND’s are usually active and have bodacious booties. You’re eating very healthy with fruits, veggies, sushi, salad and almond milk. It’s unusual for someone to eat this healthy and not be active. Thus, the odds that said bootie = bodacious is quite high.

The Arty Hipster

The arty part is a layup as you paint. The fact that you make the above dishes from scratch cements it.

Now, I’m not sure if your cease and desist order on dairy is for health or moral reasons, but that combined with no beef or chicken is an arty hipster move. (You also seem too witty and less spiritual to be the Vegan Yoga Gal)

The Arty Hipster usually doesn’t have a ton of money and from your fridge model, you don’t seem to be rolling in Benjamins. This is not to say you don’t have a solid career, it’s just not in Law, Medicine or on Wall Street.

You’re like an Urban Arty Girl Next Door. And from what I see from your fridge, a girl I’d like to set up with my friends with.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
You’re busy hosting and painting, and thus, don’t have much time to waste. With the champers and beer on standby, along with some tasty shareable munchies when needed, if you want something, I see you taking it.

Marry: 7
You have qualities I like: healthy, a host, confident, a bodacious bod, and you drink.

One concern is artists are often wackypack, which is great for sex, but not for marriage. I’m glad to see with your hosting, culinary skills, social life and GND-ness, you reach beyond that.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
As you paint, you’re automatically bumped up to yellow alert. (It might be a glitch in the Fridge Dating Scorecard software)

I do like to see your fridge is clean and organized, a good sign of sanity. Plus, as you take relatively good care of your produce (bananas in the fridge aside), it puts me at ease a bit.

I’d feel comfy with a pet bunny around you, I probably just wouldn’t buy you one.

6Medium, Female, Mustbang,

Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Hey Stonehill,

Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?

-Evon (The Witty Girl)

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too! Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you. I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman. Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one. Why? Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’. There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water? Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something. An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians. Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
• Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
• Portia de Rossi
• K.D. Lang
• Martina Navrilatova (My fave female tennis player)
• Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
• Billy Jean King
• Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
• Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
• Meredith Baxter

I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies. And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women. Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear. She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved. Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy. A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6. It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready. This girl is a Grade-A host. She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks. Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss. Seriously. (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual. She’s obviously telling you this for a reason. She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor. I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road. Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags. She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard. I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch. We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, LGBT, Love, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Advice, Food, Drinks, Refrigerator, Humor, Insight, Funny,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  My sister opens my fridge, and says I’ll never get a man. Curious. What do you think?
  
  -Julie


Stonehill Analysis

Julie, your fridge reminds me of a story.

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a teacher named Ms. Margolis.  One day, she walked into class and said she was no longer Ms. Margolis.  She was Mrs. Donowitz.

We were all like – watchu talkin’ about Ms. Margolis?  Ms. Margolis said she got married and now had her husband’s name.

This confused us even more.  How the hell could Ms. Margolis get married?  She was our teacher, she couldn’t be a wife.  That’s how we defined her.  And back then, we didn’t think you could have more than one role in life, the same way we saw our mom as a mom, not as a wife (or God forbid, a sexual dynamo to our father).

This one sided view of people never completely goes away.  Sometimes we define people by what they do, where they’re from, even who they’re with.

Now, I say all this as your fridge tells me that some might define you as one thing: a mom.

To be clear, your fridge tells me you’re more than just a mom.  But I can see you’re a mom as well.  (Whether or not you’re a sexual dynamo is out of my jurisdiction)

Why, a mom?

Well for starters, there’s no possible way one person can eat all this shit.   The fact that you have a stand-up model with temp controls also tells me you’re probably a homeowner, as they’re not usually found in rentals and thus, lessens the likelihood you have roommate.

The Eggo, Jimmy Dean and chicken nuggets are kid friendly, and with all that butter, I have to guess you either bake or you’re Amish.

Now, moving past madre-manor, I see you eat healthy.  Every serving of fruits and veggies ups the odds you look good naked by 5%.  With V8, broccoli, Greek Yogurt and salad in there, you do the math ☺.

One last definition I can pin on you is a Host.  And a damn good one.   You have the fuel necessary to have a date over for a nightcap and if you get lucky, a delish breakie come morning.

One of my top 5 things to have in your fridge is some kind of shareable snack/hors d’oeuvre.  And you have salsa.  Did you buy it to have a date over?  Probably not.  But it’s great to have, whoever you’re hosting.

In addition, you have multiple cheeses, enough beer to prime a frat party and wine to cover all palettes.  Though to quote Patrick Swayze, nobody puts beer in a corner.  Your fridge is a bit of a shit show and that beer deserves a proper shelf.

With the eggs, waffles, breakfast sandwiches, juice and milk, the last time I saw this much variety, I was hung-over at my neighborhood diner.  Very nice.

To put the cherry on your ‘sexiest breakfast fridge ever’ sundae, consider getting a bottle of real maple syrup.  Here’s an old Dating Ammo tip why: http://tinyurl.com/qx3z2j8

In conclusion, you’re not just a mom, a hottie and a host.  You’re date ready.  And that’s vital when you’re single.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7.5
You’ve got what it takes to skew high on the Yummy Mummy Meter.  You also have the bevs needed to grease the rails to Titillation Town, and the snacks and breakie needed to keep him there.

As a mom, the time you have to date is probably more limited.  So I have to assume if you like a guy, you won’t waste that time playing games.

Marry: 5.5
You’re very impressive in the shag department.

In the marriage department, not as much.  You eat well and host well so you’re definitely above average.  But your fridge is a bit chaotic.  And chaos in one’s fridge usually translates to chaos in one’s life.

Your sis might be a bit harsh at times.  But when it comes to her assessment here, she does have some points.

Boil your Bunny: 3
The fact that you’re taking care of a kid(s) tells me you have enough on your plate, and if there’s one thing I know about boiling bunnies, it’s very time consuming.

So you get the benefit of the doubt here.  Your lack of organization bumps you up a few points, but I don’t feel the need to lock up my pets around you.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPhone 5c
ISO
50
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/21th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

My sister opens my fridge, and says I’ll never get a man. Curious. What do you think?

-Julie

Stonehill Analysis

Julie, your fridge reminds me of a story.

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a teacher named Ms. Margolis. One day, she walked into class and said she was no longer Ms. Margolis. She was Mrs. Donowitz.

We were all like – watchu talkin’ about Ms. Margolis? Ms. Margolis said she got married and now had her husband’s name.

This confused us even more. How the hell could Ms. Margolis get married? She was our teacher, she couldn’t be a wife. That’s how we defined her. And back then, we didn’t think you could have more than one role in life, the same way we saw our mom as a mom, not as a wife (or God forbid, a sexual dynamo to our father).

This one sided view of people never completely goes away. Sometimes we define people by what they do, where they’re from, even who they’re with.

Now, I say all this as your fridge tells me that some might define you as one thing: a mom.

To be clear, your fridge tells me you’re more than just a mom. But I can see you’re a mom as well. (Whether or not you’re a sexual dynamo is out of my jurisdiction)

Why, a mom?

Well for starters, there’s no possible way one person can eat all this shit. The fact that you have a stand-up model with temp controls also tells me you’re probably a homeowner, as they’re not usually found in rentals and thus, lessens the likelihood you have roommate.

The Eggo, Jimmy Dean and chicken nuggets are kid friendly, and with all that butter, I have to guess you either bake or you’re Amish.

Now, moving past madre-manor, I see you eat healthy. Every serving of fruits and veggies ups the odds you look good naked by 5%. With V8, broccoli, Greek Yogurt and salad in there, you do the math ☺.

One last definition I can pin on you is a Host. And a damn good one. You have the fuel necessary to have a date over for a nightcap and if you get lucky, a delish breakie come morning.

One of my top 5 things to have in your fridge is some kind of shareable snack/hors d’oeuvre. And you have salsa. Did you buy it to have a date over? Probably not. But it’s great to have, whoever you’re hosting.

In addition, you have multiple cheeses, enough beer to prime a frat party and wine to cover all palettes. Though to quote Patrick Swayze, nobody puts beer in a corner. Your fridge is a bit of a shit show and that beer deserves a proper shelf.

With the eggs, waffles, breakfast sandwiches, juice and milk, the last time I saw this much variety, I was hung-over at my neighborhood diner. Very nice.

To put the cherry on your ‘sexiest breakfast fridge ever’ sundae, consider getting a bottle of real maple syrup. Here’s an old Dating Ammo tip why: http://tinyurl.com/qx3z2j8

In conclusion, you’re not just a mom, a hottie and a host. You’re date ready. And that’s vital when you’re single.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7.5
You’ve got what it takes to skew high on the Yummy Mummy Meter. You also have the bevs needed to grease the rails to Titillation Town, and the snacks and breakie needed to keep him there.

As a mom, the time you have to date is probably more limited. So I have to assume if you like a guy, you won’t waste that time playing games.

Marry: 5.5
You’re very impressive in the shag department.

In the marriage department, not as much. You eat well and host well so you’re definitely above average. But your fridge is a bit chaotic. And chaos in one’s fridge usually translates to chaos in one’s life.

Your sis might be a bit harsh at times. But when it comes to her assessment here, she does have some points.

Boil your Bunny: 3
The fact that you’re taking care of a kid(s) tells me you have enough on your plate, and if there’s one thing I know about boiling bunnies, it’s very time consuming.

So you get the benefit of the doubt here. Your lack of organization bumps you up a few points, but I don’t feel the need to lock up my pets around you.

6Medium, Mustbang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Romance, Advice, Humor,

Jemm Radio UK


  I was a guest on the NDebz Radio Show on Jemm 1 Radio in the UK, with Hosts Neil Sexton and Debbie Ryan.
  
  http://www.jemmone.com/author/neilsexton/
  
  It was a pleasure to be one of their ‘Love Experts’ for Valentine’s Week.
  
  Per Neil’s request, I broke down his fridge.  Here my report.


Stonehill Analysis

There’s a clear cultural difference between European and American refrigeration.  If I saw Neil’s model in LA, it’d be like the Peter Dinklage of fridges.  Maybe Danny Devito on a good day.

But in the UK, you guys are more caring for the environment, and buy more of your ingredients for home-cooked meals fresh on that day, which I love.  In the US, we shop once a week out and shove as much shit into that fridge as possible.

Now, diving into Neil’s Fridge, it’s clean, a big plus.  Do I need to see spotless?  No.  But if the place where you store what’s going in your body is filthy, it’s a red flag. (I’ve watched enough Charlie Brown to know no one wanted to shag Pig Pen)

Neil’s fridge is also organized. Chaos in one’s fridge usually equals chaos on one’s life.  As I mentioned in my first Gay Fridge analysis http://tinyurl.com/muw9ftv, my gay friends are more culturally advanced (and cooler than I am), so I hold Neil up to a higher standard.

He’s not the natural born host I was hoping to see, but there are some positives…

For one, Neil is a healthy chap.  (And one we have to assume looks good naked.)  He’s eating well with chicken and turkey breast, and tons of veggies including carrots, which remind me of those giant mutated vegetables they had on Gilligan’s Island.

Now, some say if you want to know what your date is going to look like in 20 years, check out their mom or dad.  I say check out their fridge.  Cause what they’re putting in their bodies now is going to be a big factor in what they’re going to look like down the road.

Now on a different front, Neil has a serious supply of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’.  As I can’t believe he’s moonlighting as a body-double for Fabio, I look for other clues…and voila, he has Store, an ingredient to make cakes.  (And a great way to impress a lucky date :)

The fact that he shops at a Co-Op tells me he wants to support local businesses and cares about the environment.  This is backed up by his outdoor-bred pork, which brings up the well-known fact: happier pigs = tastier bacon.

Lastly, I don’t see any beer, wine or liquor.  He might store it elsewhere, but I wonder if he doesn’t drink.  Again, nothing is black and white, it’s about what’s a fit for us.  Speaking for myself, I’d get lonely if I always had to drink (and get occasionally sloppy drunk) alone.

Now, when it comes to dating, you have to put yourself out there.  If you have the time, even if it’s just a drink, you should go on as many dates as possible.

If Neil happens to be one of those dates, I don’t know if there’d be a love connection, but from what I see in his fridge, it’d be well-worth getting to know him better.
ZoomInfo
Jemm Radio UK


  I was a guest on the NDebz Radio Show on Jemm 1 Radio in the UK, with Hosts Neil Sexton and Debbie Ryan.
  
  http://www.jemmone.com/author/neilsexton/
  
  It was a pleasure to be one of their ‘Love Experts’ for Valentine’s Week.
  
  Per Neil’s request, I broke down his fridge.  Here my report.


Stonehill Analysis

There’s a clear cultural difference between European and American refrigeration.  If I saw Neil’s model in LA, it’d be like the Peter Dinklage of fridges.  Maybe Danny Devito on a good day.

But in the UK, you guys are more caring for the environment, and buy more of your ingredients for home-cooked meals fresh on that day, which I love.  In the US, we shop once a week out and shove as much shit into that fridge as possible.

Now, diving into Neil’s Fridge, it’s clean, a big plus.  Do I need to see spotless?  No.  But if the place where you store what’s going in your body is filthy, it’s a red flag. (I’ve watched enough Charlie Brown to know no one wanted to shag Pig Pen)

Neil’s fridge is also organized. Chaos in one’s fridge usually equals chaos on one’s life.  As I mentioned in my first Gay Fridge analysis http://tinyurl.com/muw9ftv, my gay friends are more culturally advanced (and cooler than I am), so I hold Neil up to a higher standard.

He’s not the natural born host I was hoping to see, but there are some positives…

For one, Neil is a healthy chap.  (And one we have to assume looks good naked.)  He’s eating well with chicken and turkey breast, and tons of veggies including carrots, which remind me of those giant mutated vegetables they had on Gilligan’s Island.

Now, some say if you want to know what your date is going to look like in 20 years, check out their mom or dad.  I say check out their fridge.  Cause what they’re putting in their bodies now is going to be a big factor in what they’re going to look like down the road.

Now on a different front, Neil has a serious supply of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’.  As I can’t believe he’s moonlighting as a body-double for Fabio, I look for other clues…and voila, he has Store, an ingredient to make cakes.  (And a great way to impress a lucky date :)

The fact that he shops at a Co-Op tells me he wants to support local businesses and cares about the environment.  This is backed up by his outdoor-bred pork, which brings up the well-known fact: happier pigs = tastier bacon.

Lastly, I don’t see any beer, wine or liquor.  He might store it elsewhere, but I wonder if he doesn’t drink.  Again, nothing is black and white, it’s about what’s a fit for us.  Speaking for myself, I’d get lonely if I always had to drink (and get occasionally sloppy drunk) alone.

Now, when it comes to dating, you have to put yourself out there.  If you have the time, even if it’s just a drink, you should go on as many dates as possible.

If Neil happens to be one of those dates, I don’t know if there’d be a love connection, but from what I see in his fridge, it’d be well-worth getting to know him better.
ZoomInfo

Jemm Radio UK

I was a guest on the NDebz Radio Show on Jemm 1 Radio in the UK, with Hosts Neil Sexton and Debbie Ryan.

http://www.jemmone.com/author/neilsexton/

It was a pleasure to be one of their ‘Love Experts’ for Valentine’s Week.

Per Neil’s request, I broke down his fridge. Here my report.

Stonehill Analysis

There’s a clear cultural difference between European and American refrigeration. If I saw Neil’s model in LA, it’d be like the Peter Dinklage of fridges. Maybe Danny Devito on a good day.

But in the UK, you guys are more caring for the environment, and buy more of your ingredients for home-cooked meals fresh on that day, which I love. In the US, we shop once a week out and shove as much shit into that fridge as possible.

Now, diving into Neil’s Fridge, it’s clean, a big plus. Do I need to see spotless? No. But if the place where you store what’s going in your body is filthy, it’s a red flag. (I’ve watched enough Charlie Brown to know no one wanted to shag Pig Pen)

Neil’s fridge is also organized. Chaos in one’s fridge usually equals chaos on one’s life. As I mentioned in my first Gay Fridge analysis http://tinyurl.com/muw9ftv, my gay friends are more culturally advanced (and cooler than I am), so I hold Neil up to a higher standard.

He’s not the natural born host I was hoping to see, but there are some positives…

For one, Neil is a healthy chap. (And one we have to assume looks good naked.) He’s eating well with chicken and turkey breast, and tons of veggies including carrots, which remind me of those giant mutated vegetables they had on Gilligan’s Island.

Now, some say if you want to know what your date is going to look like in 20 years, check out their mom or dad. I say check out their fridge. Cause what they’re putting in their bodies now is going to be a big factor in what they’re going to look like down the road.

Now on a different front, Neil has a serious supply of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’. As I can’t believe he’s moonlighting as a body-double for Fabio, I look for other clues…and voila, he has Store, an ingredient to make cakes. (And a great way to impress a lucky date :)

The fact that he shops at a Co-Op tells me he wants to support local businesses and cares about the environment. This is backed up by his outdoor-bred pork, which brings up the well-known fact: happier pigs = tastier bacon.

Lastly, I don’t see any beer, wine or liquor. He might store it elsewhere, but I wonder if he doesn’t drink. Again, nothing is black and white, it’s about what’s a fit for us. Speaking for myself, I’d get lonely if I always had to drink (and get occasionally sloppy drunk) alone.

Now, when it comes to dating, you have to put yourself out there. If you have the time, even if it’s just a drink, you should go on as many dates as possible.

If Neil happens to be one of those dates, I don’t know if there’d be a love connection, but from what I see in his fridge, it’d be well-worth getting to know him better.

6Medium, BGLT, Mustbang, Dating, Romance, Relationship, Advice, Love,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I need a fridge checkup here.  (Yes, it’s mine)  And don’t be gentle.
  
  -Tara


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Tara, no gentleness required, your fridge tells me you’re a chick I’d love to set up my buddies with.  Here’s why…

You have a career, yet you’re not all consumed by it.

The Pellegrino backs this up as you’re upscale and have the money to afford high-end products.  And the foreign (more expensive) beer says you’re either just one of the guys, or if the beer is not for you, you put thought into pleasing the guy you have over.

The three bottles of vino tells me you enjoy your happy juice, both day (Rose) and night (Red).  And the brands say expensive, reinforcing you’ve got dinero.  The hams/prociutto says you love to snack with the wine you enjoy, whether for some afternoon drinking or late night wine back at your place.  (Survey says, bing!)

Now, you’re also a girl that has a shit-load of condiments.  I mean, how many mustards can one woman have?  There’s like ten here!  You don’t cook much, as there’s not many ingredients to make dishes from scratch, but it does say you do a lot of take out, and you’re very specific about which condiment goes well with your numerous takeout dishes.

Plus, with this many condiments, you definitely eat a lot of meat, a big plus.  (And a good sign you love to shag)  I’m also glad that your condiments say you’re down-to-earth and enjoy foods that most guys love: Heinz ketchup, Grey Poupon and Hellman’s Mayo, the big three for a quality cookout.

Lastly, I can see you attempt to be healthy as the Zico, fresh berries and butter lettuce show the effort is there, thus a good chance you have a nice tush.  And the Zico and fresh berries are expensive, reinforcing you’ve got Benjamins.

(One item that does stick out is the half-gallon of whole milk: as the rest of your fridge screams healthy grown-up, I’d assume it’s for your coffee and when that inevitably goes stale before finishing, Coffee Mate.)

So, here’s what I’d tell my buddies…nice tush, down-to-earth shekels and shags.  It’s a blind date, what more can he ask for?

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 6.5
You’re busy with your career and don’t have time to play games, but you do put effort into catering to the guy, which also tells me you’re looking for something long term, thus don’t want to give it up too quick.

Marry: 8
You got beer, tons of wine and ham to munch on, plus you’re a big time meat eater.  Alll huge plusses and marry-this-chick-now qualities.  As you’re a career woman, many in your shoes don’t let the guy be the guy and that lowers the score a couple of points.  If you let the guy lead (even if you make more money than him), you’re golden.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
You got her hands full with a career, friends, etc. thus not a lot of time to stalk.  But you also got like 10 freakin mustards here.  That takes a shitload of thought.  Anyone that can over-think anything that much has bunny-boiler potential.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPhone 5
ISO
50
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/32th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I need a fridge checkup here. (Yes, it’s mine) And don’t be gentle.

-Tara

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Tara, no gentleness required, your fridge tells me you’re a chick I’d love to set up my buddies with. Here’s why…

You have a career, yet you’re not all consumed by it.

The Pellegrino backs this up as you’re upscale and have the money to afford high-end products. And the foreign (more expensive) beer says you’re either just one of the guys, or if the beer is not for you, you put thought into pleasing the guy you have over.

The three bottles of vino tells me you enjoy your happy juice, both day (Rose) and night (Red). And the brands say expensive, reinforcing you’ve got dinero. The hams/prociutto says you love to snack with the wine you enjoy, whether for some afternoon drinking or late night wine back at your place. (Survey says, bing!)

Now, you’re also a girl that has a shit-load of condiments. I mean, how many mustards can one woman have? There’s like ten here! You don’t cook much, as there’s not many ingredients to make dishes from scratch, but it does say you do a lot of take out, and you’re very specific about which condiment goes well with your numerous takeout dishes.

Plus, with this many condiments, you definitely eat a lot of meat, a big plus. (And a good sign you love to shag) I’m also glad that your condiments say you’re down-to-earth and enjoy foods that most guys love: Heinz ketchup, Grey Poupon and Hellman’s Mayo, the big three for a quality cookout.

Lastly, I can see you attempt to be healthy as the Zico, fresh berries and butter lettuce show the effort is there, thus a good chance you have a nice tush. And the Zico and fresh berries are expensive, reinforcing you’ve got Benjamins.

(One item that does stick out is the half-gallon of whole milk: as the rest of your fridge screams healthy grown-up, I’d assume it’s for your coffee and when that inevitably goes stale before finishing, Coffee Mate.)

So, here’s what I’d tell my buddies…nice tush, down-to-earth shekels and shags. It’s a blind date, what more can he ask for?

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 6.5
You’re busy with your career and don’t have time to play games, but you do put effort into catering to the guy, which also tells me you’re looking for something long term, thus don’t want to give it up too quick.

Marry: 8
You got beer, tons of wine and ham to munch on, plus you’re a big time meat eater. Alll huge plusses and marry-this-chick-now qualities. As you’re a career woman, many in your shoes don’t let the guy be the guy and that lowers the score a couple of points. If you let the guy lead (even if you make more money than him), you’re golden.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
You got her hands full with a career, friends, etc. thus not a lot of time to stalk. But you also got like 10 freakin mustards here. That takes a shitload of thought. Anyone that can over-think anything that much has bunny-boiler potential.

6Medium, Mustbang, Romance, Love, Dating, Relationship, Advice, Valentine's Day, Female,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  This is my boyfriend’s fridge. What do you think? We’ve been dating for about 5 months.
  
  Love your blog! :)
  
  -Stacie,


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Stacie,

We’re all dating detectives in our own way.  Some of us might judge our dates on how they dress.  Others judge on what’s on their bookshelves.  Living in LA, some judge on what they drive.  (I have a few thoughts on the car front, which I’ll post on Twitter today: https://twitter.com/checktheirfridg)

I’ve found the most accurate indicator to be their refrigerator.  Now, as I’ve always said, when it comes to dating, nothing is black and white.   And when it comes to someone’s fridge, it never tells his or her whole picture.

But what’s in someone’s fridge does offer clues into their lifestyle and thus, what it would be like to date them.

When I look at your boyfriend’s fridge, can I tell if he’s the guy for you?  Of course not, only you’ll know that.  But we do get some insight…

The man’s got money

He’s got a side-by-side model.  It’s generally more expensive than a top-bottom fridge and I can see by the left door, he’s got an ice/water dispenser, a luxe feature.  This tells me he’s either a homeowner, or in a high-end rental.

Does money = happiness?  Hell no.  But it is one less issue to fight about if you guys move forward.

The fact that the manual is in the bottom drawer indicates that he’s either ludicrously lazy or has never fully settled in.  You’d think if he was going to stick around, he’d put the damn thing in a drawer or chuck it by now.

He’s more about taking out than cooking in

If his condiment shelf was any more populated, it’d look like India.  It’s clear most of his meals are prepared anywhere but his kitchen.

He might grill, which I like to see, as he has hotdogs and the BBQ big 3: mayo, mustard and ketchup.  His other big meal is breakfast.  He’s got eggs, bacon, country Crock and Coffee Mate for home brewed coffee.  Chances are this is your crash pad on weekends.

He’s in good shape

He’s got Promax Protein Energy bars to fuel his workouts and build muscle.   Plus, he downs Fish Oil, high in Omega-3 fatty acids, to prevent heart disease.

That, combined with his lack of junk food, tells me he puts a fine food forward to look good naked.  As I preach, if you can’t make the effort to look your best when you’re single, odds are you’ll look even worse later.

The Dude abides

Your BF drinks like a man.  No offense to Vodka, but it’s not a manly drink.  It’s basically an alcohol to mix with something so it tastes like that something.

He’s more of a guy’s guy, as he prefers bourbon and Whiskey (though his Jameson should be larger than a Dixie Cup).  For extra credit, he’s got tequila and beer on standby.

He’s from the Midwest

At times, a fridge can offer clues on geography and it does so here.   He has Hy-Vee Grape Jelly.  It’s a supermarket chain from the Midwest, and he ether lives there now or is pathetically cheap and dragged his jelly with him.

Of course, there’s more items to go on and I can’t say with absolute certainty whether he’s a doll or a douche.  But I do like what I see here.  And that’s always a good start.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 7
The guy looks like he’s got game to close early.  He’s probably social (he has a large bag of ice even though he’s got an ice maker), in shag shape and is financially independent.

That combined with liquor for a nightcap, ice cream for dessert and breakfast in bed come morning?  I don’t know what you’re attracted to, but we all need to clean the pipes and I see nothing here that would stop you.

Marry: 7
I see qualities that are important in a partner.  He looks like he has his shit together, takes pride in his looks, and knows how to have a good time.

That’s enough to stick around Positive Town.  To paint this picture any further, we’d need more insight from you.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
The only red flag I see is the manual.  For whatever reason, it seems a bit weird that he’s been living in his pad for a while, yet can’t find a better place for it.

The left door can use a wipe down, but it’s a relatively neat fridge and even has baking soda.  Looks like all’s quiet on the Wackypack Front.
ZoomInfo
Camera
Samsung SPH-L710
ISO
160
Aperture
f/2.6
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
3mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

This is my boyfriend’s fridge. What do you think? We’ve been dating for about 5 months.

Love your blog! :)

-Stacie,

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Stacie,

We’re all dating detectives in our own way. Some of us might judge our dates on how they dress. Others judge on what’s on their bookshelves. Living in LA, some judge on what they drive. (I have a few thoughts on the car front, which I’ll post on Twitter today: https://twitter.com/checktheirfridg)

I’ve found the most accurate indicator to be their refrigerator. Now, as I’ve always said, when it comes to dating, nothing is black and white. And when it comes to someone’s fridge, it never tells his or her whole picture.

But what’s in someone’s fridge does offer clues into their lifestyle and thus, what it would be like to date them.

When I look at your boyfriend’s fridge, can I tell if he’s the guy for you? Of course not, only you’ll know that. But we do get some insight…

The man’s got money

He’s got a side-by-side model. It’s generally more expensive than a top-bottom fridge and I can see by the left door, he’s got an ice/water dispenser, a luxe feature. This tells me he’s either a homeowner, or in a high-end rental.

Does money = happiness? Hell no. But it is one less issue to fight about if you guys move forward.

The fact that the manual is in the bottom drawer indicates that he’s either ludicrously lazy or has never fully settled in. You’d think if he was going to stick around, he’d put the damn thing in a drawer or chuck it by now.

He’s more about taking out than cooking in

If his condiment shelf was any more populated, it’d look like India. It’s clear most of his meals are prepared anywhere but his kitchen.

He might grill, which I like to see, as he has hotdogs and the BBQ big 3: mayo, mustard and ketchup. His other big meal is breakfast. He’s got eggs, bacon, country Crock and Coffee Mate for home brewed coffee. Chances are this is your crash pad on weekends.

He’s in good shape

He’s got Promax Protein Energy bars to fuel his workouts and build muscle. Plus, he downs Fish Oil, high in Omega-3 fatty acids, to prevent heart disease.

That, combined with his lack of junk food, tells me he puts a fine food forward to look good naked. As I preach, if you can’t make the effort to look your best when you’re single, odds are you’ll look even worse later.

The Dude abides

Your BF drinks like a man. No offense to Vodka, but it’s not a manly drink. It’s basically an alcohol to mix with something so it tastes like that something.

He’s more of a guy’s guy, as he prefers bourbon and Whiskey (though his Jameson should be larger than a Dixie Cup). For extra credit, he’s got tequila and beer on standby.

He’s from the Midwest

At times, a fridge can offer clues on geography and it does so here. He has Hy-Vee Grape Jelly. It’s a supermarket chain from the Midwest, and he ether lives there now or is pathetically cheap and dragged his jelly with him.

Of course, there’s more items to go on and I can’t say with absolute certainty whether he’s a doll or a douche. But I do like what I see here. And that’s always a good start.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 7
The guy looks like he’s got game to close early. He’s probably social (he has a large bag of ice even though he’s got an ice maker), in shag shape and is financially independent.

That combined with liquor for a nightcap, ice cream for dessert and breakfast in bed come morning? I don’t know what you’re attracted to, but we all need to clean the pipes and I see nothing here that would stop you.

Marry: 7
I see qualities that are important in a partner. He looks like he has his shit together, takes pride in his looks, and knows how to have a good time.

That’s enough to stick around Positive Town. To paint this picture any further, we’d need more insight from you.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
The only red flag I see is the manual. For whatever reason, it seems a bit weird that he’s been living in his pad for a while, yet can’t find a better place for it.

The left door can use a wipe down, but it’s a relatively neat fridge and even has baking soda. Looks like all’s quiet on the Wackypack Front.

6Medium, Mustbang, Love, Dating, Romance, Advice, Relationships, Male,

-