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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

Fridge Analysis

Dear Stonehill,

I’m newly single and starting to date again. I only over-think, like everything, so be gentle. What does my Fridge say about me? I want to put my best foot forward.

-Robin

Stonehill Analysis

Robin, first off, you have really nice melons, but we’ll get into that later. Second, never change your fridge for a guy. He’s going to figure out who you are sooner or later, so don’t waste time trying to impress him. You have no idea what he’s looking for anyway and if he doesn’t dig you being you, he can piss off.

That said, here’s what your Fridge tells me…

You’re likely a Vegan and most definitely into your career. You’re probably too busy with work to stock your fridge, and too busy to cook, thus no ingredients to make a meal. You just have snacks and they’re all fruit except for the mystery bowl at the bottom.

The fact that you shop at Whole Foods says you’re willing to pay a bit more and that you bought two melon halves already cleaned out rather than buy a whole one for less money reinforces that you’re not counting pennies.

If you are a vegan, it could go either way. Dating is a team sport and if your date is willing to accept your love of veggie-ville, you need to accept his love of the once-living. Taking turns on restaurants is the way to go. But if you think your lifestyle should now be his lifestyle, I’d advise your date to shag now-ask questions never.

You also seem to be a world traveler, always a plus. You got that thing that looks like a porcupine mated with a football. I’ve never seen it in the US, so I assume you discovered it somewhere overseas.

You’re also the environmentally conscious type as you’re on the go, yet don’t have a 12-pack of bottled water. You probably take a reusable water bottle with you, and though I can’t see the door of your fridge, a class schedule from Equinox is a good bet.

Be aware that you might make more money than your date, and have a higher stamp count on your passport. As long as you still let the guy be the guy, he should be okay with it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 7
When it comes to sex, you don’t have time to play games. You’re busy with your career and that carries over to the bedroom. As a Vegan, you’re probably into Yoga and don’t tirelessly work on that yoga-tush for nothing.

Marry: 6
You have potential Robin, but a concern is you won’t let the guy be the guy. Career women like to be in control and that bleeds into their dating. Though it constantly works against them, they often don’t see it.

Boil your Bunny: 2
You love animals, so boiling them is not your thing.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Romance, Relationships, Food, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!

-Caitlyn

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year. Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century. And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions. Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant. The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it. We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential. I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies. But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

• This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen. It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front. Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation. What does this all mean? Probably one tight tush.

• You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time. (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do). I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

• You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move. You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

• Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

• You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

• You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

• No booze, a tragedy in my book. This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign. Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

• This fridge ain’t guy friendly. It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest. It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready. You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential. So best of luck this dating season. Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1. I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food. You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say. Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there. Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait. Your fridge is clean and organized. You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession. Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout. All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.

6Medium, Female, Maybebang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Refrigertor, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Advice, Insight, Funny, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy. We made out, nothing more. Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.

-Ted

Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K. (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life. And there’s nothing wrong with this. You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes. She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people. And one of them is in AA. I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss. (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back) Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests. If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much. I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment. Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl. (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends. This fridge is all about breakfast. I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day. (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here. Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee. Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae. (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly. You guys should both be dating other people. As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place. Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time. If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something. If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Refridgerator, Humor, Funny, Advice, Insight,

Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –

I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.

And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.

Thank you!

-Leslie

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.
Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge. And I don’t mean it in a bad way. Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative. Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement? Of course, we all can.. But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

• I like his fridge model. The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls. All features that cost extra.

• He shops at Whole Foods. It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price. (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

• He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

• He has skim milk. Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon? Uh, no. But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

• Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants. Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

• He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

• Corona. Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico. A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor. I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

• Camp Carb. I mean, how much bread does one guy need? There are prisons that serve less. He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme. Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

• Heluva homebody. The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date. With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

• His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization. He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock. Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy. My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh. That’s not to say Bergler isn’t. It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine. If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed. (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road. He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model. Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single. If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte. But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus. The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.

6Medium, Maybebang, Male, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Romance, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Humor, Funny, Advice, Insight,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Just met two months ago.  He has a tinge to OCD but so do I.
  
  -Ally


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Ally,

When it comes to dating, there are no absolute rights or wrongs.  (At least, if they’re not Oscar Pistorius, but you get my drift)  There’s only what’s right and wrong for us.

You’re clearly dating Mr. Hospital Corners.  What matters is to what degree and to what degree works for you.  As you have a touch of OCD as well, this might be the Yankees Stadium of fridges in your book.

It was a Nominee for OCD fridge of the year.  (Here’s the winner, who’s eligible, in case you guys break up: http://tmblr.co/Zc4T9s196Oqcj ;)

Now, fortunately, this fridge doesn’t reek of Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets, but it can double as a teaching tool for geometry class.  The apple juices look like they were built by I.M. Pei and if your canned beverages marched in better formation, they’d be Nazis.

When we look at a fridge, we might only learn a couple of things about the person.  That applies here.   Yes, he has exceptional organizational skills and is equally impressive on the hygiene front, yet there’s not a ton more here that’s glaring.

Here are a few guesses…

He’s a Kid at Heart

If he had any more apple juice (or varieties), I’d have to assume he was 6.  And how many half gallons of milk does 1 dude need?  It’s clearly for more than just coffee.

He’s a Male Millennial

Per my background in marketing, I’m very familiar with Kickstart and its target demo.  Pepsi Co is heavily advertising the brand in publications and on shows that reach Male Millennials, so there’s a good chance he’s one of them.

The Guy’s not Gargantuan

He doesn’t have a ton of actual food in this fridge, but from what he does have, he’s eating well.  He’s got fruits and veggies, and on the milk front, at least he’s going skim.  Plus, with all the caffeine in that Kickstart, there’s a good chance he’s active.

If he can’t take care of himself when he’s single, it’s a major red flag for down the road and his road is looking fine.

He can Host

It’s not just that he has enough beer to share, he has way more beer than all of his other beverages combined.  I have to assume he has his buddies over, a social quality I like to see.

He’s doing well in his career.  (And his next one might be a B and B)

He has an upscale side-by-side fridge model with a through-the-door water and ice dispenser, so his financial footing is probably on solid ground.

Plus, the last time I saw such an extensive gourmet jelly collection, I was staying at a Bed and Breakfast.  Very impressive.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 3.5
I don’t see OCD guys having much game in the closing department.  There’s just something not-hot about being told when you put down your drink to kiss him that you forgot the coaster, and when you fling off your undies that you need to pick them up and place them neatly on a chair.

Marry: 5.5
With a nice fridge model and as well organized as he is, that’s a good sign that he’s on a career path.  Money never brings happiness, but if you’re not struggling, it helps.

The OCD issue is really up to you and as you swim in the same pool, it could be the perfect fit.

I don’t know many OCD peeps who very funny and laughing is important, but I do give him credit for putting effort into his diet, exercise and hosting duties.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
All stalkers are OCD of some type.   At least, this fridge is not scary.  But it does bump him up a bit on the SWTE front.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPhone 4S
ISO
80
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/20th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Just met two months ago. He has a tinge to OCD but so do I.

-Ally

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Ally,

When it comes to dating, there are no absolute rights or wrongs. (At least, if they’re not Oscar Pistorius, but you get my drift) There’s only what’s right and wrong for us.

You’re clearly dating Mr. Hospital Corners. What matters is to what degree and to what degree works for you. As you have a touch of OCD as well, this might be the Yankees Stadium of fridges in your book.

It was a Nominee for OCD fridge of the year. (Here’s the winner, who’s eligible, in case you guys break up: http://tmblr.co/Zc4T9s196Oqcj ;)

Now, fortunately, this fridge doesn’t reek of Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets, but it can double as a teaching tool for geometry class. The apple juices look like they were built by I.M. Pei and if your canned beverages marched in better formation, they’d be Nazis.

When we look at a fridge, we might only learn a couple of things about the person. That applies here. Yes, he has exceptional organizational skills and is equally impressive on the hygiene front, yet there’s not a ton more here that’s glaring.

Here are a few guesses…

He’s a Kid at Heart

If he had any more apple juice (or varieties), I’d have to assume he was 6. And how many half gallons of milk does 1 dude need? It’s clearly for more than just coffee.

He’s a Male Millennial

Per my background in marketing, I’m very familiar with Kickstart and its target demo. Pepsi Co is heavily advertising the brand in publications and on shows that reach Male Millennials, so there’s a good chance he’s one of them.

The Guy’s not Gargantuan

He doesn’t have a ton of actual food in this fridge, but from what he does have, he’s eating well. He’s got fruits and veggies, and on the milk front, at least he’s going skim. Plus, with all the caffeine in that Kickstart, there’s a good chance he’s active.

If he can’t take care of himself when he’s single, it’s a major red flag for down the road and his road is looking fine.

He can Host

It’s not just that he has enough beer to share, he has way more beer than all of his other beverages combined. I have to assume he has his buddies over, a social quality I like to see.

He’s doing well in his career. (And his next one might be a B and B)

He has an upscale side-by-side fridge model with a through-the-door water and ice dispenser, so his financial footing is probably on solid ground.

Plus, the last time I saw such an extensive gourmet jelly collection, I was staying at a Bed and Breakfast. Very impressive.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 3.5
I don’t see OCD guys having much game in the closing department. There’s just something not-hot about being told when you put down your drink to kiss him that you forgot the coaster, and when you fling off your undies that you need to pick them up and place them neatly on a chair.

Marry: 5.5
With a nice fridge model and as well organized as he is, that’s a good sign that he’s on a career path. Money never brings happiness, but if you’re not struggling, it helps.

The OCD issue is really up to you and as you swim in the same pool, it could be the perfect fit.

I don’t know many OCD peeps who very funny and laughing is important, but I do give him credit for putting effort into his diet, exercise and hosting duties.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
All stalkers are OCD of some type. At least, this fridge is not scary. But it does bump him up a bit on the SWTE front.

6Medium, Maybebang, Relationships, Love, Male, Dating, Romance, Advice, Marriage, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?
  
  -Kylie,


Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress.  And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects.  Why do I know this?  Because HGTV is catnip for chicks.  Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same.  Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka.  That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat.  The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka?  Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk.  If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic.  It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu.  (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal.  I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it.  Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip.  Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce.  Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious.  The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based.  If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work.  A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside.  And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun.  (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night.  But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project.  And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women.  He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?
  
  -Kylie,


Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress.  And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects.  Why do I know this?  Because HGTV is catnip for chicks.  Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same.  Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka.  That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat.  The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka?  Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk.  If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic.  It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu.  (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal.  I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it.  Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip.  Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce.  Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious.  The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based.  If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work.  A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside.  And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun.  (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night.  But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project.  And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women.  He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?

-Kylie,

Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress. And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects. Why do I know this? Because HGTV is catnip for chicks. Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same. Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka. That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat. The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka? Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk. If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic. It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu. (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal. I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it. Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip. Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce. Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious. The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based. If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work. A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside. And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun. (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night. But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project. And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women. He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.

6Medium, Maybebang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Advice, Male,

Fridge Post #38

Stonehill,

She’s passed out on the sofa… What do you think? Note: the bulb inside the fridge does not work.

-Mark

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Mark,

I don’t believe a book’s cover can tell you everything. But it sure as hell can tell you a lot. And this girl’s cover is a shithole.

On the positive side, if she’s passed out on the couch, I’m sure she’s fun, comfy around you, and enjoyed a night of drinking.

What I’m not sure about is if she’s meant for a fling or is relationship material. There are some peeps we shag. And some we marry. Lets dive into what we have here and weight both options…

Relationship Material

I love a girl who’s a good time. On top of the fact that she likes to party, with enough food and booze to fuel the effort, she’s clearly a host, as she has enough supplies to cater well beyond her taste.

Fling

I think this would be a succinct (accurate) description of for her fridge:

  • Appliance > her fridge > pile of shit.

The light doesn’t work. The bottom drawer is falling off its hinges. I don’t need to see a Sub Zero, but I would like to meet someone with a fridge that doesn’t need to be put down anytime soon.

Relationship Material

She’s Date Ready and deserves kudos.

She has plenty of drinks to serve, whether it’s a beer before dinner or a cocktail for a nightcap, snacks (if they’re not spoiled), dessert on standby and the freezer ready for that emergency post-midnight case of munchies.

Fling

It’s not just that this fridge has as much organization as the toy chest of a three year old, it’s outright dirty. There’s schmutz everywhere. You can’t see through those drawers and it’s not just cause they’re tinted.

The 2nd shelf looks like a volcanic eruption, though in lieu of lava, it’s her groceries. Crap’s piled everywhere, and I can’t tell what’s what. Chaos in one’s fridge often means chaos in one’s life. We all need a little crazy in life, just be careful to monitor her levels.

Relationship Material

She can make you breakfast in bed. Between those dozen eggs, almond milk and whatever else is in that mystery mountain, there’s enough there to fix you up something tasty.

This girl is gimme to have a fling with. She’s fun and that’s something we all need in life. A relationship, I’m not so sure about that. But that’s what dating is for…getting to know someone better to see if they’re a fit.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 8
She drinks enough to pass out. With beer in the fridge and liquor in the freezer, she’s ready to grease the rails to saucy town.

That combined with the fact that she’s wackypack enough for her fridge to be in this disarray tells me the odds are good you’re closing.

Marry: 4

There are positives and negatives here, though with her fridge on its last legs and its innards looking like a victim of the 94 Northridge quake, she grades below average.

Can you get to the altar with this girl some day? Absolutely. She just has enough red flags to give pause.

Boil your Bunny: 5
For all I know, there’s already a bunny in there. With all that shit piled up the way it is, I can’t get the full picture. Though what I do get is that she has Bunny Boiler potential.

6Medium, Dating, Date, Love, Relationships, Advice, Maybebang, Female,

Fridge Post #37


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Happy New Year!  Here’s my fridge, what do you think??  Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.
  
  Best,
  
  -Hannah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica.  You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer.  That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front.  We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi.  I like this for a couple of reasons.  First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse.  I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front.  If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes.  Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat.  And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend.  If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange.  I mean, what color is that?  And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic.  Plus, dudes love OJ.   It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need?  Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’?  Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three?  Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta.  I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge.   This is where you keep your sustenance.  The stuff going in your body.  And it should live in a clean environment.  Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way.  Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning.  That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer.  That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself.  (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner.  You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though.  The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda.  No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here.  I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #37


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Happy New Year!  Here’s my fridge, what do you think??  Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.
  
  Best,
  
  -Hannah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica.  You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer.  That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front.  We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi.  I like this for a couple of reasons.  First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse.  I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front.  If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes.  Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat.  And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend.  If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange.  I mean, what color is that?  And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic.  Plus, dudes love OJ.   It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need?  Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’?  Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three?  Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta.  I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge.   This is where you keep your sustenance.  The stuff going in your body.  And it should live in a clean environment.  Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way.  Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning.  That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer.  That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself.  (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner.  You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though.  The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda.  No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here.  I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #37

Hey Stonehill,

Happy New Year! Here’s my fridge, what do you think?? Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.

Best,

-Hannah

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica. You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer. That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front. We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi. I like this for a couple of reasons. First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse. I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front. If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes. Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat. And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend. If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange. I mean, what color is that? And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic. Plus, dudes love OJ. It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need? Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’? Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three? Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta. I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge. This is where you keep your sustenance. The stuff going in your body. And it should live in a clean environment. Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way. Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning. That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer. That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself. (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner. You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though. The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda. No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here. I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.

6Medium, maybebang, Female,

Fridge Post #35


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now.  He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now.  (He just got out of one)
  
  I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship.  Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?
  
  Here’s a pic of his fridge.  Does it provide any insight?
  
  Ciao,
  
  -Sandy


Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you.  But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards.  The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do.   He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners.  But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment.  For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag.  Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle.  If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town.  A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection.  He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout.  He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup).  This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest.   Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl.  Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella.  He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life.  As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you.  If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo.  He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career.  That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter.  All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner.  He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge.  So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control.  It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game.  The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that.  This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you.  As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on.  (If you stuck to your standards)   Does every man have his breaking point?  Sure.  But they need a dream to break in the first place.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #35


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now.  He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now.  (He just got out of one)
  
  I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship.  Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?
  
  Here’s a pic of his fridge.  Does it provide any insight?
  
  Ciao,
  
  -Sandy


Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you.  But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards.  The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do.   He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners.  But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment.  For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag.  Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle.  If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town.  A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection.  He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout.  He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup).  This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest.   Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl.  Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella.  He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life.  As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you.  If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo.  He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career.  That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter.  All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner.  He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge.  So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control.  It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game.  The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that.  This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you.  As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on.  (If you stuck to your standards)   Does every man have his breaking point?  Sure.  But they need a dream to break in the first place.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #35

Stonehill,

I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now. He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now. (He just got out of one)

I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship. Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?

Here’s a pic of his fridge. Does it provide any insight?

Ciao,

-Sandy

Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you. But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards. The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do. He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners. But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment. For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag. Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle. If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town. A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection. He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout. He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup). This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest. Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl. Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella. He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life. As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you. If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo. He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career. That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner. He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge. So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control. It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game. The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that. This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you. As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on. (If you stuck to your standards) Does every man have his breaking point? Sure. But they need a dream to break in the first place.

6Medium, Male, Maybebang,

Fridge Post #32


  Stonehill,
  
  I’m casually dating Matt.  He’s fun, but I’m still looking for the one.   Check out Matt’s fridge, think I should be giving him a closer look?  Am I missing something?
  
  Shoot it to me straight!
  
  Xoxo
  
  -Nancy


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Nancy,

Dating can be like applying to college.  We all dream of Harvard, but we have to dial back expectations along the way.

And when we realize how much time goes into each application, we need to narrow down that wish list, from our reach schools through our safety.

Right now, Matt is your Arizona State.  He’s fun, decent looking and he can provide a challenge if you dig down deep, but is that where you really want your degree?

Now, when it comes to college, we all need a safety school.   When it comes to dating, not so much.  Yes, we all have needs and we all need to clean the pipes.  (At least every 3000 miles)

But the problem is, we’re lazy.  We’re wired that way.  To exert no more effort than necessary is a matter of survival.  The key to Matt, or any safety school, is to have fun, but to not quit applying to a campus you really want to attend.

Now, lets dive into Matt’s fridge and see if Matt U is worth a closer look…

The Campus

Matt’s fridge is a decent model.  Plenty of room, it’s got a nice quad, but it ain’t inspiring any all-nighters to ace AP French.

Don’t get me wrong, his fridge is fine. I’m just not sprouting a chubby.  It could be kept better, starting with 86’ing some of those plastic bags, and wiping the shit off that syrup bottle on the left door.

Social Life

I’m a fan of some items here.  He’s got Sam Adams and Lagunitas, both quality beers.  He doesn’t have much though, so he’s clearly not thinking like a host.

He does have wine, which is a strong move.  He just chose a step above 2 Buck Chuck.  The 2 bottles of Sutter Home look like freebies from his last flight delay.  Yes, a campus visit to Matt U can be a good time, it just lacks style or effort.

Academics

No fridge (or campus visit) is a tell-all.  But I don’t see one product that he might have read about somewhere.  An item that shows a sense of curiosity or a hint of adventure.

That said, there’s nothing that screams short yellow bus either.

Athletics

A perk of safety schools is usually a Division 1 athletic program.  Now, Matt U does have Multi grain bread, apples and a mystery fruit in Tupperware, which shows some effort to take care of himself.

I just don’t see fuel for a true workout.  A water bottle for that run or hike.  Is Matt vertically challenged?  I can’t say.   But I don’t see evidence that Matt is an HPOA: Hot Piece Of Ass.

Endowment

I see that Matt U does have its finances in order, a good thing.  It also appears Matt won’t be upgrading his facilities any time soon.

He’s got solid brands, such as Best Foods and Sam Adams.  Yet, he’s going generic on products that deserve name brands, like ketchup and mustard.  (Let me know where I can send my donation to the Heinz Fund)

And that concludes our tour of Matt U.  Is this campus worth a closer look?  That’s for you to decide.  But I perceived nothing that was missed.

While you’re here, have fun.  Just make sure you put the effort into touring your reach schools.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 5
Matt is middle of the road.  If you end up back at his place, he’s got the wine and beer needed to get the job done.  But I don’t see any signs that this dude has serious game.  And like a safety school, you won’t have to work too hard if you want in.

Marry: 3.5
Matt seems like a decent guy.  Seriously.  No major red flags.  But you told me he doesn’t inspire you.  And he probably won’t.  He is who he is.

Your grades have you looking for more.  If you don’t apply though, you’ll end up living on Matt’s campus.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
To stalk effectively, you need money and a lot of time on your hands.  Matt seems to be lacking both.  A good sign for you. His fridge could use a little more love, but I don’t see abuse here.
ZoomInfo
Camera
Samsung SPH-L720
ISO
160
Aperture
f/2.2
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Post #32

Stonehill,

I’m casually dating Matt. He’s fun, but I’m still looking for the one. Check out Matt’s fridge, think I should be giving him a closer look? Am I missing something?

Shoot it to me straight!

Xoxo

-Nancy

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Nancy,

Dating can be like applying to college. We all dream of Harvard, but we have to dial back expectations along the way.

And when we realize how much time goes into each application, we need to narrow down that wish list, from our reach schools through our safety.

Right now, Matt is your Arizona State. He’s fun, decent looking and he can provide a challenge if you dig down deep, but is that where you really want your degree?

Now, when it comes to college, we all need a safety school. When it comes to dating, not so much. Yes, we all have needs and we all need to clean the pipes. (At least every 3000 miles)

But the problem is, we’re lazy. We’re wired that way. To exert no more effort than necessary is a matter of survival. The key to Matt, or any safety school, is to have fun, but to not quit applying to a campus you really want to attend.

Now, lets dive into Matt’s fridge and see if Matt U is worth a closer look…

The Campus

Matt’s fridge is a decent model. Plenty of room, it’s got a nice quad, but it ain’t inspiring any all-nighters to ace AP French.

Don’t get me wrong, his fridge is fine. I’m just not sprouting a chubby. It could be kept better, starting with 86’ing some of those plastic bags, and wiping the shit off that syrup bottle on the left door.

Social Life

I’m a fan of some items here. He’s got Sam Adams and Lagunitas, both quality beers. He doesn’t have much though, so he’s clearly not thinking like a host.

He does have wine, which is a strong move. He just chose a step above 2 Buck Chuck. The 2 bottles of Sutter Home look like freebies from his last flight delay. Yes, a campus visit to Matt U can be a good time, it just lacks style or effort.

Academics

No fridge (or campus visit) is a tell-all. But I don’t see one product that he might have read about somewhere. An item that shows a sense of curiosity or a hint of adventure.

That said, there’s nothing that screams short yellow bus either.

Athletics

A perk of safety schools is usually a Division 1 athletic program. Now, Matt U does have Multi grain bread, apples and a mystery fruit in Tupperware, which shows some effort to take care of himself.

I just don’t see fuel for a true workout. A water bottle for that run or hike. Is Matt vertically challenged? I can’t say. But I don’t see evidence that Matt is an HPOA: Hot Piece Of Ass.

Endowment

I see that Matt U does have its finances in order, a good thing. It also appears Matt won’t be upgrading his facilities any time soon.

He’s got solid brands, such as Best Foods and Sam Adams. Yet, he’s going generic on products that deserve name brands, like ketchup and mustard. (Let me know where I can send my donation to the Heinz Fund)

And that concludes our tour of Matt U. Is this campus worth a closer look? That’s for you to decide. But I perceived nothing that was missed.

While you’re here, have fun. Just make sure you put the effort into touring your reach schools.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 5
Matt is middle of the road. If you end up back at his place, he’s got the wine and beer needed to get the job done. But I don’t see any signs that this dude has serious game. And like a safety school, you won’t have to work too hard if you want in.

Marry: 3.5
Matt seems like a decent guy. Seriously. No major red flags. But you told me he doesn’t inspire you. And he probably won’t. He is who he is.

Your grades have you looking for more. If you don’t apply though, you’ll end up living on Matt’s campus.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
To stalk effectively, you need money and a lot of time on your hands. Matt seems to be lacking both. A good sign for you. His fridge could use a little more love, but I don’t see abuse here.

6Medium, Male, Maybebang, Love, Dating,

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