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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –
  
  I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.
  
  And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.
  
  Thank you!
  
  -Leslie


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge.  And I don’t mean it in a bad way.  Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative.  Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement?  Of course, we all can..  But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

•   I like his fridge model.  The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls.  All features that cost extra.

•   He shops at Whole Foods.  It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price.  (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

•   He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

•   He has skim milk.  Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon?  Uh, no.  But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

•   Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants.  Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

•   He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

•   Corona.  Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico.  A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor.  I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

•   Camp Carb.  I mean, how much bread does one guy need?  There are prisons that serve less.  He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme.  Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

•   Heluva homebody.  The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date.  With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

•   His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization.  He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock.  Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy.  My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh.  That’s not to say Bergler isn’t.  It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine.  If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed.  (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road.  He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model.  Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single.  If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte.  But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus.  The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Hi, Mr. John Stonehill –

I have a friend who wants his fridge done and wants to know why he has problems with women. I know him well and I’ve already told him why, but he doesn’t believe me. So I guess he needs your expert opinion.

And when you do his write up, would you call him “The Bergler”? That’s his nickname here in our scooter club.

Thank you!

-Leslie

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Leslie,

I’m not sure if we can learn more from “The Bergler’s” fridge, or the fact that he’s in a scooter club, but we’ll stick to fridges for now.

When I look at this fridge, it reminds me of a great line in The Incredibles:

Helen: Everyone’s special, Dash.
Dash: Which is another way of saying no one is.

That’s what I think of when I look at this fridge. And I don’t mean it in a bad way. Some of us (and our fridges) just don’t stick out as spesh, positive or negative. Bergler just seems like a regular dude.

Per your note, can I see room for improvement? Of course, we all can.. But it’s not a smoking gun that this guy is home watching YouPorn on his Saturday Nights.

To break down Bergler’s fridge, we’ll separate our thoughts into 2 camps: Hot and Not…

Camp Hot

• I like his fridge model. The pic doesn’t tell the make, but it is stainless steel, has humidity controlled veggie drawers, plus digital temperature controls. All features that cost extra.

• He shops at Whole Foods. It’s an upscale store that carriers premium quality for a premium price. (The fact he also shops at a Kroger-owned supermarket, like most of us, reinforces his residency in camp regular)

• He’s (mostly) a brand guy, with Schweppes, French’s and Land O’Lakes for support.

• He has skim milk. Is it hot if he downs it by the half gallon? Uh, no. But at least it’s fat free and with his healthy stash of eggs, a sign he’s big on breakfast.

• Fever Tree Ginger Ale: this is a renowned company that produces 1st class mixers and is found in several of the world’s top restaurants. Whether it’s to mix with Jack or to enjoy on it’s own, it shows B-Train’s got taste.

• He’s got foodie potential, at least when it comes to Asian sauces and pastes.

Camp Not

• Corona. Lets be frank: clever commercials aside, it’s the Milwaukee’s Best of Mexico. A quality beer doesn’t need a lime to add flavor. I have to assume Bergler is more influenced by its media than its product (which most of us are at times).

• Camp Carb. I mean, how much bread does one guy need? There are prisons that serve less. He does eat relatively well, and reinforces the ‘middle-of-the-road’ theme. Plenty of fruits and veggies, but enough bread to build one big belly.

• Heluva homebody. The Bergler has enough perishable foods to keep him home more than he should be, yet not what’s needed to host a date. With the bread alone, he’s got enough sandwiches for a week.

• His freezer is an ‘oh’ for organization. He does have some quality stuff in there, but they look like they’re living under a rock. Chaos in one’s fridge = chaos in one’s life.

We live in a day where everyone gets a trophy. My feeling: you get a trophy for being spesh. That’s not to say Bergler isn’t. It’s just that nothing calls out that he’s a must-meet, or a must-miss either.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4
I like the fact that he has beer to serve, plus cheese if he has a lineup of red wine. If he’s using it to make cheese sandwiches, he’s screwed. (Not the good way)

Plus, lets face it: guys on scooters normally don’t kill it with the ladies.

Marry: 5
The Bergler again falls middle-of-the-road. He probably has a career as he can afford an upscale model. Plus, he drinks and eats meat, both of which I like to see.

It’s important to put your best foot forward when you’re single. If you don’t, you’ll probably look worse when you’re married.

With enough bread and jelly to keep peanut butter in business, Bergler’s probably not svelte. But he’s eating well enough, that I assume he’s no worse than average either.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
He has female friends who vouch for him, a big plus. The fact he rides a scooter, an additional sign he’s harmless.

I don’t like that he has enough bread for a stakeout and his chaotic fridge is a red flag.

Though I still have to keep him below average.

6Medium, Maybebang, Male, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Romance, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Humor, Funny, Advice, Insight,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Help! This is Jack’s fridge. Here’s the deal: I really like him and he makes me laugh. We sleep together, but he hardly calls and when he does, we hardly go out. I understand that he travels a ton, but I’d like to see him more. Basically I don’t know what’s going on, does his Fridge tell you anything?

xoxo

-Lindsey

Stonehill Analysis

Lindsey,

You seem like a sweetheart and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Greg is as genuine as a 3-dollar bill. He’s not traveling a ton, he just doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he’d call and take you out in public.

We’re here to find the one, so I won’t waste your time with Jack the Jerk-off, and prefer to yank the Band-Aid off quickly.

Lets dive into his fridge. This is a guy who clearly doesn’t leave home much. How do I know? Cause I travel a ton and my fridge doesn’t look like I have enough to survive when the big one hits. Nobody’s left behind this much evidence since OJ, check out the bottom…

I can’t tell you when his bushel of apples was bought, but considering they’re pristine, and without plastic, they’re fresh. His bread in the left drawer is also in good shape and a clear signal he’ll be in town awhile. Buying bread is committing to making sandwiches and/or breakfast at home.

Moving up a shelf, the guy has Tupperware. That’s a pretty domesticated dude. I don’t have Tupperware and I’m married for God’s sake. If he can put enough thought into keeping his shit fresh, he can put enough thought into dialing a freakin’ phone.

Moving up a shelf, look at those sandwiches. They’re less than a day old, and I hope one is for you. If not, he’s having company after you skedaddle. This guy is too damn healthy to down two heroes at once.

Now in defense of you short-changing yourself, I assume Jack has a hard body. There’s a serious amount healthy shit here. I never ever saw a dude with coconut water. Jamie Lee Curtis has less yogurt. The guy’s got game. Almond milk for cereal, skim milk for breakfast and coffee, I’m Impressed. For him, not your prospects.

I don’t even need to get into the bottle of wine and olives, my point is made.

Jack is clearly capable of caring about himself and his comfort, though not your feelings. Now, I’m assuming if you’re sharing your feelings with me, you are with him. (If not, we’ll talk about a good therapist)

Jack is not a bad guy if he doesn’t like you. He’s a bad guy if he’s lying to you. But you’re the one who’s truly at fault here. You dictate the relationship you want to live. If you’re giving Jack everything he needs (i.e.: a good rogering) without getting what you need in return, you’re empowering him to do so.

If you want to see him more, don’t shag him until he sees you more. If you want to be taken out, don’t shag him til he takes you out. Stop giving him what he needs without getting what you need in return. If he stops calling? F’m. Buy a Rabbit and join a tennis league.

If you value yourself less than Happy Hour at Sizzler, that’s what you get…average dudes who want all they can eat for a minimal investment.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Considering the guy is probably in great shape and not worthy of being your boyfriend, this is clearly a Bone and Bolt situation.

Marry: 2
The dick won’t even take you out for dinner, Tina Turner saw more chivalry than this.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
The guy seems like he has far more fish to fry, but having enough shit in his fridge for a stakeout bumps him up a couple of points.

6Medium, Male, Neverbang, Love, Dating, Relationships, Romance, Marriage, Food, Drink, Humor, Funny, Advice,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Just met two months ago.  He has a tinge to OCD but so do I.
  
  -Ally


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Ally,

When it comes to dating, there are no absolute rights or wrongs.  (At least, if they’re not Oscar Pistorius, but you get my drift)  There’s only what’s right and wrong for us.

You’re clearly dating Mr. Hospital Corners.  What matters is to what degree and to what degree works for you.  As you have a touch of OCD as well, this might be the Yankees Stadium of fridges in your book.

It was a Nominee for OCD fridge of the year.  (Here’s the winner, who’s eligible, in case you guys break up: http://tmblr.co/Zc4T9s196Oqcj ;)

Now, fortunately, this fridge doesn’t reek of Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets, but it can double as a teaching tool for geometry class.  The apple juices look like they were built by I.M. Pei and if your canned beverages marched in better formation, they’d be Nazis.

When we look at a fridge, we might only learn a couple of things about the person.  That applies here.   Yes, he has exceptional organizational skills and is equally impressive on the hygiene front, yet there’s not a ton more here that’s glaring.

Here are a few guesses…

He’s a Kid at Heart

If he had any more apple juice (or varieties), I’d have to assume he was 6.  And how many half gallons of milk does 1 dude need?  It’s clearly for more than just coffee.

He’s a Male Millennial

Per my background in marketing, I’m very familiar with Kickstart and its target demo.  Pepsi Co is heavily advertising the brand in publications and on shows that reach Male Millennials, so there’s a good chance he’s one of them.

The Guy’s not Gargantuan

He doesn’t have a ton of actual food in this fridge, but from what he does have, he’s eating well.  He’s got fruits and veggies, and on the milk front, at least he’s going skim.  Plus, with all the caffeine in that Kickstart, there’s a good chance he’s active.

If he can’t take care of himself when he’s single, it’s a major red flag for down the road and his road is looking fine.

He can Host

It’s not just that he has enough beer to share, he has way more beer than all of his other beverages combined.  I have to assume he has his buddies over, a social quality I like to see.

He’s doing well in his career.  (And his next one might be a B and B)

He has an upscale side-by-side fridge model with a through-the-door water and ice dispenser, so his financial footing is probably on solid ground.

Plus, the last time I saw such an extensive gourmet jelly collection, I was staying at a Bed and Breakfast.  Very impressive.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 3.5
I don’t see OCD guys having much game in the closing department.  There’s just something not-hot about being told when you put down your drink to kiss him that you forgot the coaster, and when you fling off your undies that you need to pick them up and place them neatly on a chair.

Marry: 5.5
With a nice fridge model and as well organized as he is, that’s a good sign that he’s on a career path.  Money never brings happiness, but if you’re not struggling, it helps.

The OCD issue is really up to you and as you swim in the same pool, it could be the perfect fit.

I don’t know many OCD peeps who very funny and laughing is important, but I do give him credit for putting effort into his diet, exercise and hosting duties.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
All stalkers are OCD of some type.   At least, this fridge is not scary.  But it does bump him up a bit on the SWTE front.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPhone 4S
ISO
80
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/20th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Just met two months ago. He has a tinge to OCD but so do I.

-Ally

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Ally,

When it comes to dating, there are no absolute rights or wrongs. (At least, if they’re not Oscar Pistorius, but you get my drift) There’s only what’s right and wrong for us.

You’re clearly dating Mr. Hospital Corners. What matters is to what degree and to what degree works for you. As you have a touch of OCD as well, this might be the Yankees Stadium of fridges in your book.

It was a Nominee for OCD fridge of the year. (Here’s the winner, who’s eligible, in case you guys break up: http://tmblr.co/Zc4T9s196Oqcj ;)

Now, fortunately, this fridge doesn’t reek of Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets, but it can double as a teaching tool for geometry class. The apple juices look like they were built by I.M. Pei and if your canned beverages marched in better formation, they’d be Nazis.

When we look at a fridge, we might only learn a couple of things about the person. That applies here. Yes, he has exceptional organizational skills and is equally impressive on the hygiene front, yet there’s not a ton more here that’s glaring.

Here are a few guesses…

He’s a Kid at Heart

If he had any more apple juice (or varieties), I’d have to assume he was 6. And how many half gallons of milk does 1 dude need? It’s clearly for more than just coffee.

He’s a Male Millennial

Per my background in marketing, I’m very familiar with Kickstart and its target demo. Pepsi Co is heavily advertising the brand in publications and on shows that reach Male Millennials, so there’s a good chance he’s one of them.

The Guy’s not Gargantuan

He doesn’t have a ton of actual food in this fridge, but from what he does have, he’s eating well. He’s got fruits and veggies, and on the milk front, at least he’s going skim. Plus, with all the caffeine in that Kickstart, there’s a good chance he’s active.

If he can’t take care of himself when he’s single, it’s a major red flag for down the road and his road is looking fine.

He can Host

It’s not just that he has enough beer to share, he has way more beer than all of his other beverages combined. I have to assume he has his buddies over, a social quality I like to see.

He’s doing well in his career. (And his next one might be a B and B)

He has an upscale side-by-side fridge model with a through-the-door water and ice dispenser, so his financial footing is probably on solid ground.

Plus, the last time I saw such an extensive gourmet jelly collection, I was staying at a Bed and Breakfast. Very impressive.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 3.5
I don’t see OCD guys having much game in the closing department. There’s just something not-hot about being told when you put down your drink to kiss him that you forgot the coaster, and when you fling off your undies that you need to pick them up and place them neatly on a chair.

Marry: 5.5
With a nice fridge model and as well organized as he is, that’s a good sign that he’s on a career path. Money never brings happiness, but if you’re not struggling, it helps.

The OCD issue is really up to you and as you swim in the same pool, it could be the perfect fit.

I don’t know many OCD peeps who very funny and laughing is important, but I do give him credit for putting effort into his diet, exercise and hosting duties.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
All stalkers are OCD of some type. At least, this fridge is not scary. But it does bump him up a bit on the SWTE front.

6Medium, Maybebang, Relationships, Love, Male, Dating, Romance, Advice, Marriage, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  This is my boyfriend’s fridge. What do you think? We’ve been dating for about 5 months.
  
  Love your blog! :)
  
  -Stacie,


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Stacie,

We’re all dating detectives in our own way.  Some of us might judge our dates on how they dress.  Others judge on what’s on their bookshelves.  Living in LA, some judge on what they drive.  (I have a few thoughts on the car front, which I’ll post on Twitter today: https://twitter.com/checktheirfridg)

I’ve found the most accurate indicator to be their refrigerator.  Now, as I’ve always said, when it comes to dating, nothing is black and white.   And when it comes to someone’s fridge, it never tells his or her whole picture.

But what’s in someone’s fridge does offer clues into their lifestyle and thus, what it would be like to date them.

When I look at your boyfriend’s fridge, can I tell if he’s the guy for you?  Of course not, only you’ll know that.  But we do get some insight…

The man’s got money

He’s got a side-by-side model.  It’s generally more expensive than a top-bottom fridge and I can see by the left door, he’s got an ice/water dispenser, a luxe feature.  This tells me he’s either a homeowner, or in a high-end rental.

Does money = happiness?  Hell no.  But it is one less issue to fight about if you guys move forward.

The fact that the manual is in the bottom drawer indicates that he’s either ludicrously lazy or has never fully settled in.  You’d think if he was going to stick around, he’d put the damn thing in a drawer or chuck it by now.

He’s more about taking out than cooking in

If his condiment shelf was any more populated, it’d look like India.  It’s clear most of his meals are prepared anywhere but his kitchen.

He might grill, which I like to see, as he has hotdogs and the BBQ big 3: mayo, mustard and ketchup.  His other big meal is breakfast.  He’s got eggs, bacon, country Crock and Coffee Mate for home brewed coffee.  Chances are this is your crash pad on weekends.

He’s in good shape

He’s got Promax Protein Energy bars to fuel his workouts and build muscle.   Plus, he downs Fish Oil, high in Omega-3 fatty acids, to prevent heart disease.

That, combined with his lack of junk food, tells me he puts a fine food forward to look good naked.  As I preach, if you can’t make the effort to look your best when you’re single, odds are you’ll look even worse later.

The Dude abides

Your BF drinks like a man.  No offense to Vodka, but it’s not a manly drink.  It’s basically an alcohol to mix with something so it tastes like that something.

He’s more of a guy’s guy, as he prefers bourbon and Whiskey (though his Jameson should be larger than a Dixie Cup).  For extra credit, he’s got tequila and beer on standby.

He’s from the Midwest

At times, a fridge can offer clues on geography and it does so here.   He has Hy-Vee Grape Jelly.  It’s a supermarket chain from the Midwest, and he ether lives there now or is pathetically cheap and dragged his jelly with him.

Of course, there’s more items to go on and I can’t say with absolute certainty whether he’s a doll or a douche.  But I do like what I see here.  And that’s always a good start.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 7
The guy looks like he’s got game to close early.  He’s probably social (he has a large bag of ice even though he’s got an ice maker), in shag shape and is financially independent.

That combined with liquor for a nightcap, ice cream for dessert and breakfast in bed come morning?  I don’t know what you’re attracted to, but we all need to clean the pipes and I see nothing here that would stop you.

Marry: 7
I see qualities that are important in a partner.  He looks like he has his shit together, takes pride in his looks, and knows how to have a good time.

That’s enough to stick around Positive Town.  To paint this picture any further, we’d need more insight from you.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
The only red flag I see is the manual.  For whatever reason, it seems a bit weird that he’s been living in his pad for a while, yet can’t find a better place for it.

The left door can use a wipe down, but it’s a relatively neat fridge and even has baking soda.  Looks like all’s quiet on the Wackypack Front.
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Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

This is my boyfriend’s fridge. What do you think? We’ve been dating for about 5 months.

Love your blog! :)

-Stacie,

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Stacie,

We’re all dating detectives in our own way. Some of us might judge our dates on how they dress. Others judge on what’s on their bookshelves. Living in LA, some judge on what they drive. (I have a few thoughts on the car front, which I’ll post on Twitter today: https://twitter.com/checktheirfridg)

I’ve found the most accurate indicator to be their refrigerator. Now, as I’ve always said, when it comes to dating, nothing is black and white. And when it comes to someone’s fridge, it never tells his or her whole picture.

But what’s in someone’s fridge does offer clues into their lifestyle and thus, what it would be like to date them.

When I look at your boyfriend’s fridge, can I tell if he’s the guy for you? Of course not, only you’ll know that. But we do get some insight…

The man’s got money

He’s got a side-by-side model. It’s generally more expensive than a top-bottom fridge and I can see by the left door, he’s got an ice/water dispenser, a luxe feature. This tells me he’s either a homeowner, or in a high-end rental.

Does money = happiness? Hell no. But it is one less issue to fight about if you guys move forward.

The fact that the manual is in the bottom drawer indicates that he’s either ludicrously lazy or has never fully settled in. You’d think if he was going to stick around, he’d put the damn thing in a drawer or chuck it by now.

He’s more about taking out than cooking in

If his condiment shelf was any more populated, it’d look like India. It’s clear most of his meals are prepared anywhere but his kitchen.

He might grill, which I like to see, as he has hotdogs and the BBQ big 3: mayo, mustard and ketchup. His other big meal is breakfast. He’s got eggs, bacon, country Crock and Coffee Mate for home brewed coffee. Chances are this is your crash pad on weekends.

He’s in good shape

He’s got Promax Protein Energy bars to fuel his workouts and build muscle. Plus, he downs Fish Oil, high in Omega-3 fatty acids, to prevent heart disease.

That, combined with his lack of junk food, tells me he puts a fine food forward to look good naked. As I preach, if you can’t make the effort to look your best when you’re single, odds are you’ll look even worse later.

The Dude abides

Your BF drinks like a man. No offense to Vodka, but it’s not a manly drink. It’s basically an alcohol to mix with something so it tastes like that something.

He’s more of a guy’s guy, as he prefers bourbon and Whiskey (though his Jameson should be larger than a Dixie Cup). For extra credit, he’s got tequila and beer on standby.

He’s from the Midwest

At times, a fridge can offer clues on geography and it does so here. He has Hy-Vee Grape Jelly. It’s a supermarket chain from the Midwest, and he ether lives there now or is pathetically cheap and dragged his jelly with him.

Of course, there’s more items to go on and I can’t say with absolute certainty whether he’s a doll or a douche. But I do like what I see here. And that’s always a good start.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 7
The guy looks like he’s got game to close early. He’s probably social (he has a large bag of ice even though he’s got an ice maker), in shag shape and is financially independent.

That combined with liquor for a nightcap, ice cream for dessert and breakfast in bed come morning? I don’t know what you’re attracted to, but we all need to clean the pipes and I see nothing here that would stop you.

Marry: 7
I see qualities that are important in a partner. He looks like he has his shit together, takes pride in his looks, and knows how to have a good time.

That’s enough to stick around Positive Town. To paint this picture any further, we’d need more insight from you.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
The only red flag I see is the manual. For whatever reason, it seems a bit weird that he’s been living in his pad for a while, yet can’t find a better place for it.

The left door can use a wipe down, but it’s a relatively neat fridge and even has baking soda. Looks like all’s quiet on the Wackypack Front.

6Medium, Mustbang, Love, Dating, Romance, Advice, Relationships, Male,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?
  
  -Kylie,


Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress.  And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects.  Why do I know this?  Because HGTV is catnip for chicks.  Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same.  Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka.  That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat.  The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka?  Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk.  If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic.  It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu.  (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal.  I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it.  Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip.  Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce.  Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious.  The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based.  If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work.  A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside.  And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun.  (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night.  But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project.  And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women.  He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?
  
  -Kylie,


Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress.  And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects.  Why do I know this?  Because HGTV is catnip for chicks.  Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same.  Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka.  That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat.  The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka?  Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk.  If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic.  It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu.  (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal.  I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it.  Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip.  Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce.  Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious.  The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based.  If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work.  A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside.  And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun.  (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night.  But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project.  And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women.  He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

My neighbor asked me out, what do you think?

-Kylie,

Stonehill Analysis

Kylie, for some reason, I woke up in Positive Town this morning and I’m going to stay awhile.

Here’s the goods news…you have a WIP on your hands: Work In Progress. And if there’s one thing I know about women, they looove projects. Why do I know this? Because HGTV is catnip for chicks. Women are obsessed with it and the ‘projects’ they tackle.

Yes, Chris is a human, not a house, but it’s work all the same. Lets do a walkthrough…

The guy is still drinking Red Bull and Vodka. That ship sailed years ago and he’s still clinging to the lifeboat. The Red Bull is clearly for the Vodka, because there’s absolutely nothing else in this fridge that says he gives a shit about adventure, let alone skydiving from space.

Why shouldn’t dudes be drinking Vodka? Cause it’s not a drink, it’s just a vehicle to mix with something else and get drunk. If you accept Mission Possible, get him started on drinking brown liquors, or at the very least, Gin.

Now I can’t tell what all the condiments are, but by the shape of the bottles and labels, it’s clear that he’s not buying generic. It’s also clear that he’s not a sophisticated eater, as hot sauce is as foodie as he gets.

I am glad to see that when he does cook to save a few scheckles, he’s buying a pasta sauce higher up the totem pole than Ragu. (We want a project here, not a teardown)

On a different level, his fridge reveals that he’s a bit anal. I mean, the dude saved a bottle of water with one sip left in it. Just finish it, dude, it’s one feakin’ sip. Or pour it in a plant, but refrigerating your backwash doesn’t make sense to me.

Moving to the basement, Chris has got some mystery item in the produce drawer, which leaves me sure about one thing: it’s not produce. Bottom line, there’s nothing in this fridge which tells me he’s the least bit health conscious. The only thing that resembles salad dressing is clearly cream-based. If he used that bottled water to go on hikes, he’d be buying more than 6-packs.

Lastly, his fridge tells me he’s doing okay with work. A fridge model like this is probably in a condo or an upscale rental, and his busy work schedule is backed up by the fact that he mostly does take out, or eats out altogether.

Here’s the Good news: you can buy a fixer, so there’s a lot of upside. And as women are well aware, fixer projects can be fun. (If you need an architect, I’m available :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 3.5
Chris clearly doesn’t have game to close the first night. But at times, we all have to clean the pipes, and the guys that aren’t taken seriously for relationships get the spoils from women who want commitment-free sex.

Marry: 4.5
I leave this almost middle of the road, because it’s your project. And I’ve seen many women turn fixers into their dream husbands.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
His fridge hasn’t graduated from Middle School, and there’s no products or brands that lead me to believe he hates women. He’s clearly busy with work and stalking is extremely time-intensive.

6Medium, Maybebang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Advice, Male,

Fridge Post #35


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now.  He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now.  (He just got out of one)
  
  I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship.  Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?
  
  Here’s a pic of his fridge.  Does it provide any insight?
  
  Ciao,
  
  -Sandy


Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you.  But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards.  The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do.   He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners.  But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment.  For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag.  Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle.  If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town.  A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection.  He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout.  He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup).  This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest.   Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl.  Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella.  He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life.  As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you.  If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo.  He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career.  That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter.  All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner.  He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge.  So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control.  It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game.  The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that.  This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you.  As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on.  (If you stuck to your standards)   Does every man have his breaking point?  Sure.  But they need a dream to break in the first place.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #35


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now.  He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now.  (He just got out of one)
  
  I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship.  Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?
  
  Here’s a pic of his fridge.  Does it provide any insight?
  
  Ciao,
  
  -Sandy


Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you.  But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards.  The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do.   He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners.  But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment.  For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag.  Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle.  If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town.  A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection.  He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout.  He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup).  This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest.   Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl.  Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella.  He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life.  As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you.  If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo.  He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career.  That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter.  All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner.  He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge.  So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control.  It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game.  The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that.  This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you.  As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on.  (If you stuck to your standards)   Does every man have his breaking point?  Sure.  But they need a dream to break in the first place.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #35

Stonehill,

I’ve been seeing Seth for a month now. He’s totally honest with me and has told me from the get-go that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now. (He just got out of one)

I’m not interested in an ‘open’ relationship. Should I tell him to stop seeing other people?

Here’s a pic of his fridge. Does it provide any insight?

Ciao,

-Sandy

Stonehill Analysis

Sandy,

Your question was the inspiration behind yesterday’s #DateTipTuesdays post.

For starters, I give Seth credit for being up front with you. But that doesn’t mean holding onto him is more important than holding onto your standards. The fact is, for this relationship to work for you, he has to stop shagging other people.

As I touched on yesterday, I wouldn’t tell him what to do. He’s a grown man, and there’s no law against having multiple partners. But I would tell him you’d only be in a monogamous relationship.

Again, you can’t dictate his actions, but you can dictate the kind of relationship you’re in.

What I do find troubling is that you’ve dated this guy for a month after he stated that he isn’t looking for a commitment. For him to even say this, he has his own shit going on, and whatever the reason, you’re not Dr. Phil, and he’s not your patient.

So don’t pass Go, and don’t collect one last shag. Just tell him what you’re looking for and skedaddle. If he chooses monogamy, trust me, he’ll find you.

Now, when it comes to Seth’s fridge, yes, it provides insight into his dating habits, but considering what he told you, that’s secondary.

In the event that he does step up, here’s what his fridge tells us:

He’s out on the town. A lot.

This is evident by his lack of prepareable foods and weak condiment selection. He’s eating most of his meals out and not even doing much takeout. He was upfront that he was dating other people, and his fridge reinforces that.

He’s on a budget.

Some of his products are name brands (Best Foods), yet some are generic (ketchup). This tells me he’s willing to invest in what’s important to him and while scrimping on what’s not.

This pattern probably translates to his dating, such as the level of locale is dependant on his echelon of interest. Some guys have a benchmark bar, whoever the girl. Some don’t.

He has good taste in beer.

Again, if something is important to Seth, he’ll invest in it, shown by the Stella. He’s able to appreciate the finer things in life. As you’re the star of the Sandy show, one of those finer things should be you. If you’re not, better to know now and move on.

He’s a renter.

His fridge is not a model you’d find in a house or condo. He works, but hasn’t arrived in his career yet, nor is he a TFB (Trust Fund baby).

When I was younger, I felt at times I wasn’t ready to settle down because I wasn’t settled in my career. That was my way of selling myself short, and Seth might be doing the same.

In reality though, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is if he makes a suitable partner. He does have his shit together enough to keep a clean, organized fridge. So don’t make excuses for him like his schedule is out of control. It’s probably isn’t.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Sex on first date: 9
I give him a very high score for a couple of reasons…
1: He basically told you sex is all he’s looking for.
2: After telling you, you’ve stuck around for a month, so he must have game. The Stella and simple snacks are enough to keep a date there and get the job done.

Marry: 2
Again, it’s impossible to ignore what he told you, and nothing in this fridge defies that. This is a guy who spends most of his time out and about, and much of that time is not with you. As his fridge says limited resources, he has work to do on that front as well.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 2
As his fridge is relatively neat and organized without being obsessive, I don’t see a stalker here, let alone that he told you to move on. (If you stuck to your standards) Does every man have his breaking point? Sure. But they need a dream to break in the first place.

6Medium, Male, Maybebang,

Fridge Post #32


  Stonehill,
  
  I’m casually dating Matt.  He’s fun, but I’m still looking for the one.   Check out Matt’s fridge, think I should be giving him a closer look?  Am I missing something?
  
  Shoot it to me straight!
  
  Xoxo
  
  -Nancy


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Nancy,

Dating can be like applying to college.  We all dream of Harvard, but we have to dial back expectations along the way.

And when we realize how much time goes into each application, we need to narrow down that wish list, from our reach schools through our safety.

Right now, Matt is your Arizona State.  He’s fun, decent looking and he can provide a challenge if you dig down deep, but is that where you really want your degree?

Now, when it comes to college, we all need a safety school.   When it comes to dating, not so much.  Yes, we all have needs and we all need to clean the pipes.  (At least every 3000 miles)

But the problem is, we’re lazy.  We’re wired that way.  To exert no more effort than necessary is a matter of survival.  The key to Matt, or any safety school, is to have fun, but to not quit applying to a campus you really want to attend.

Now, lets dive into Matt’s fridge and see if Matt U is worth a closer look…

The Campus

Matt’s fridge is a decent model.  Plenty of room, it’s got a nice quad, but it ain’t inspiring any all-nighters to ace AP French.

Don’t get me wrong, his fridge is fine. I’m just not sprouting a chubby.  It could be kept better, starting with 86’ing some of those plastic bags, and wiping the shit off that syrup bottle on the left door.

Social Life

I’m a fan of some items here.  He’s got Sam Adams and Lagunitas, both quality beers.  He doesn’t have much though, so he’s clearly not thinking like a host.

He does have wine, which is a strong move.  He just chose a step above 2 Buck Chuck.  The 2 bottles of Sutter Home look like freebies from his last flight delay.  Yes, a campus visit to Matt U can be a good time, it just lacks style or effort.

Academics

No fridge (or campus visit) is a tell-all.  But I don’t see one product that he might have read about somewhere.  An item that shows a sense of curiosity or a hint of adventure.

That said, there’s nothing that screams short yellow bus either.

Athletics

A perk of safety schools is usually a Division 1 athletic program.  Now, Matt U does have Multi grain bread, apples and a mystery fruit in Tupperware, which shows some effort to take care of himself.

I just don’t see fuel for a true workout.  A water bottle for that run or hike.  Is Matt vertically challenged?  I can’t say.   But I don’t see evidence that Matt is an HPOA: Hot Piece Of Ass.

Endowment

I see that Matt U does have its finances in order, a good thing.  It also appears Matt won’t be upgrading his facilities any time soon.

He’s got solid brands, such as Best Foods and Sam Adams.  Yet, he’s going generic on products that deserve name brands, like ketchup and mustard.  (Let me know where I can send my donation to the Heinz Fund)

And that concludes our tour of Matt U.  Is this campus worth a closer look?  That’s for you to decide.  But I perceived nothing that was missed.

While you’re here, have fun.  Just make sure you put the effort into touring your reach schools.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 5
Matt is middle of the road.  If you end up back at his place, he’s got the wine and beer needed to get the job done.  But I don’t see any signs that this dude has serious game.  And like a safety school, you won’t have to work too hard if you want in.

Marry: 3.5
Matt seems like a decent guy.  Seriously.  No major red flags.  But you told me he doesn’t inspire you.  And he probably won’t.  He is who he is.

Your grades have you looking for more.  If you don’t apply though, you’ll end up living on Matt’s campus.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
To stalk effectively, you need money and a lot of time on your hands.  Matt seems to be lacking both.  A good sign for you. His fridge could use a little more love, but I don’t see abuse here.
ZoomInfo
Camera
Samsung SPH-L720
ISO
160
Aperture
f/2.2
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Post #32

Stonehill,

I’m casually dating Matt. He’s fun, but I’m still looking for the one. Check out Matt’s fridge, think I should be giving him a closer look? Am I missing something?

Shoot it to me straight!

Xoxo

-Nancy

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Nancy,

Dating can be like applying to college. We all dream of Harvard, but we have to dial back expectations along the way.

And when we realize how much time goes into each application, we need to narrow down that wish list, from our reach schools through our safety.

Right now, Matt is your Arizona State. He’s fun, decent looking and he can provide a challenge if you dig down deep, but is that where you really want your degree?

Now, when it comes to college, we all need a safety school. When it comes to dating, not so much. Yes, we all have needs and we all need to clean the pipes. (At least every 3000 miles)

But the problem is, we’re lazy. We’re wired that way. To exert no more effort than necessary is a matter of survival. The key to Matt, or any safety school, is to have fun, but to not quit applying to a campus you really want to attend.

Now, lets dive into Matt’s fridge and see if Matt U is worth a closer look…

The Campus

Matt’s fridge is a decent model. Plenty of room, it’s got a nice quad, but it ain’t inspiring any all-nighters to ace AP French.

Don’t get me wrong, his fridge is fine. I’m just not sprouting a chubby. It could be kept better, starting with 86’ing some of those plastic bags, and wiping the shit off that syrup bottle on the left door.

Social Life

I’m a fan of some items here. He’s got Sam Adams and Lagunitas, both quality beers. He doesn’t have much though, so he’s clearly not thinking like a host.

He does have wine, which is a strong move. He just chose a step above 2 Buck Chuck. The 2 bottles of Sutter Home look like freebies from his last flight delay. Yes, a campus visit to Matt U can be a good time, it just lacks style or effort.

Academics

No fridge (or campus visit) is a tell-all. But I don’t see one product that he might have read about somewhere. An item that shows a sense of curiosity or a hint of adventure.

That said, there’s nothing that screams short yellow bus either.

Athletics

A perk of safety schools is usually a Division 1 athletic program. Now, Matt U does have Multi grain bread, apples and a mystery fruit in Tupperware, which shows some effort to take care of himself.

I just don’t see fuel for a true workout. A water bottle for that run or hike. Is Matt vertically challenged? I can’t say. But I don’t see evidence that Matt is an HPOA: Hot Piece Of Ass.

Endowment

I see that Matt U does have its finances in order, a good thing. It also appears Matt won’t be upgrading his facilities any time soon.

He’s got solid brands, such as Best Foods and Sam Adams. Yet, he’s going generic on products that deserve name brands, like ketchup and mustard. (Let me know where I can send my donation to the Heinz Fund)

And that concludes our tour of Matt U. Is this campus worth a closer look? That’s for you to decide. But I perceived nothing that was missed.

While you’re here, have fun. Just make sure you put the effort into touring your reach schools.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 5
Matt is middle of the road. If you end up back at his place, he’s got the wine and beer needed to get the job done. But I don’t see any signs that this dude has serious game. And like a safety school, you won’t have to work too hard if you want in.

Marry: 3.5
Matt seems like a decent guy. Seriously. No major red flags. But you told me he doesn’t inspire you. And he probably won’t. He is who he is.

Your grades have you looking for more. If you don’t apply though, you’ll end up living on Matt’s campus.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
To stalk effectively, you need money and a lot of time on your hands. Matt seems to be lacking both. A good sign for you. His fridge could use a little more love, but I don’t see abuse here.

6Medium, Male, Maybebang, Love, Dating,

Fridge Post #27


  Stonehill,
  
  I started dating this guy and we’re having a blast.  My friend thinks I’m wasting my time and it won’t go anywhere.
  
  We need a tiebreaker here.  Check out his fridge, what do you think??
  
  -Tamara


Stonehill Analysis

I think you might have a Mr. Big on your hands.

Every woman (and gay man) knows Mr. Big well.  Straight men, not so much.

But to straight men, I can say this: if there’s a Sex and the City 3, run, don’t walk to see it.  Cause if you want to meet women, it’ll be like fishing with a nuclear weapon.  You’ll be a wolf, in wolf’s clothing, standing on a long line of sheep.  But I digress.

Now, what defines a Mr. Big?  We all have a take on this well sought-after man, but how I see him is this: a guy who makes serious Benjies and wields serious connections.

He might or might not be a CEO, but he has CEO income.  He’s a man who’s a world traveler.  He’s a man who likes to run the show.  And he’s a man who likes to date younger women.  If you’re within a decade of this dude, it might be a challenge making this one stick.

He married close to his age his first time around the block.  Mr. Bigs are usually on their 2nd rounds or later and have learned through experience that’s life is easier when you travel light.

Here’s some Mr. Big Backup…

His Fridge

If this is a spelling bee and the word is ‘rich’, the definition would be Subzero + fine hardwood floors in his kitchen.   You date this guy, he’s going to spoil you ☺.

Neatness

He either has a daily maid or is obsessive compulsive, which many CEO’s are.  I’d test leaving a few hairs in the shower.  If he freaks, don’t bother.  (Yes, I know it’s awesome to fly first class, but not if you’re afraid to touch anything)  Those cans look like they’ve been lined up with a ruler.

Milk(s)

Mr. Bigs don’t have osteoporosis.  This vast supply of Milk tells me he’s divorced with kids.  They look like weekend visits, as he doesn’t have day-to-day foods to feed them.  On the dating front, don’t take it personally when his kids have dibs on his schedule.  If they didn’t, you wouldn’t respect him anyway.

Pellegrino

A bottle of Pellegrino is not a splurge, but when you have enough for your daily water source, that exudes a level of affluence and sophistication.

Champagne and Celebrity Goat Cheese

Mr. Big knows Champagne.  He also knows how to celebrate.  And with deals closing on a regular basis, he often has reason to do it.  Mr. Big also invented the established scientific ratio that the more one feeds a woman champagne, the more one gets back in love and adoration.  (And blowjobs)

Mr. Big takes it one step farther by having the proper gourmet snacks and cheeses to pair with his 3-figure bottles.

What I like about Mr. Big is that he’s doing stuff he loves for himself and for those he cares about.  Yes, he knows the effect it has on others, especially women, but it’s not manipulative or a bait and switch.

Can some Mr. Bigs be controlling?  Yes.  But when you fly your women Biz Class on a bad day, you usually get away with it.

The fact is, you’re probably not marrying this guy in the next year or so.  If that goes against your shot clock, you might want to rethink how much time you spend with him.

But before you pull the ripcord, Mr. Big is fun.  And even if it’s just one last weekend in Paris, who can’t use a little fun in their lives?

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 8.5
This is a guy who’s hard not to imagine a future with.  As long as he’s capable of keeping his eyes off his phone for a few minutes, he won’t have trouble closing.

Marry: 3
Divorced men are not in a rush to sprint down the aisle.  He’s got his kids, so aging sperm aren’t an issue.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 1
This guy is too busy to stalk.  Chance he’ll hire someone to do it for him: 3.  Though he probably has more fun stalking rival companies.
ZoomInfo
Camera
BlackBerry Q10
ISO
70
Aperture
f/2.2
Exposure
1/40th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Post #27

Stonehill,

I started dating this guy and we’re having a blast. My friend thinks I’m wasting my time and it won’t go anywhere.

We need a tiebreaker here. Check out his fridge, what do you think??

-Tamara

Stonehill Analysis

I think you might have a Mr. Big on your hands.

Every woman (and gay man) knows Mr. Big well. Straight men, not so much.

But to straight men, I can say this: if there’s a Sex and the City 3, run, don’t walk to see it. Cause if you want to meet women, it’ll be like fishing with a nuclear weapon. You’ll be a wolf, in wolf’s clothing, standing on a long line of sheep. But I digress.

Now, what defines a Mr. Big? We all have a take on this well sought-after man, but how I see him is this: a guy who makes serious Benjies and wields serious connections.

He might or might not be a CEO, but he has CEO income. He’s a man who’s a world traveler. He’s a man who likes to run the show. And he’s a man who likes to date younger women. If you’re within a decade of this dude, it might be a challenge making this one stick.

He married close to his age his first time around the block. Mr. Bigs are usually on their 2nd rounds or later and have learned through experience that’s life is easier when you travel light.

Here’s some Mr. Big Backup…

His Fridge

If this is a spelling bee and the word is ‘rich’, the definition would be Subzero + fine hardwood floors in his kitchen. You date this guy, he’s going to spoil you ☺.

Neatness

He either has a daily maid or is obsessive compulsive, which many CEO’s are. I’d test leaving a few hairs in the shower. If he freaks, don’t bother. (Yes, I know it’s awesome to fly first class, but not if you’re afraid to touch anything) Those cans look like they’ve been lined up with a ruler.

Milk(s)

Mr. Bigs don’t have osteoporosis. This vast supply of Milk tells me he’s divorced with kids. They look like weekend visits, as he doesn’t have day-to-day foods to feed them. On the dating front, don’t take it personally when his kids have dibs on his schedule. If they didn’t, you wouldn’t respect him anyway.

Pellegrino

A bottle of Pellegrino is not a splurge, but when you have enough for your daily water source, that exudes a level of affluence and sophistication.

Champagne and Celebrity Goat Cheese

Mr. Big knows Champagne. He also knows how to celebrate. And with deals closing on a regular basis, he often has reason to do it. Mr. Big also invented the established scientific ratio that the more one feeds a woman champagne, the more one gets back in love and adoration. (And blowjobs)

Mr. Big takes it one step farther by having the proper gourmet snacks and cheeses to pair with his 3-figure bottles.

What I like about Mr. Big is that he’s doing stuff he loves for himself and for those he cares about. Yes, he knows the effect it has on others, especially women, but it’s not manipulative or a bait and switch.

Can some Mr. Bigs be controlling? Yes. But when you fly your women Biz Class on a bad day, you usually get away with it.

The fact is, you’re probably not marrying this guy in the next year or so. If that goes against your shot clock, you might want to rethink how much time you spend with him.

But before you pull the ripcord, Mr. Big is fun. And even if it’s just one last weekend in Paris, who can’t use a little fun in their lives?

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 8.5
This is a guy who’s hard not to imagine a future with. As long as he’s capable of keeping his eyes off his phone for a few minutes, he won’t have trouble closing.

Marry: 3
Divorced men are not in a rush to sprint down the aisle. He’s got his kids, so aging sperm aren’t an issue.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 1
This guy is too busy to stalk. Chance he’ll hire someone to do it for him: 3. Though he probably has more fun stalking rival companies.

6Medium, Male, Mustbang,

Fridge Post #26


  John,
  
  I’m dating this guy.  He’s a pilot for a major airline in his 40’s.  We have a great time together, and he’s funny.  One concern though is he lives on a boat.  I’ve dated enough over the years that I know I like him, but I don’t want to invest time in the wrong one.
  
  What do you think?
  
  -Jessica


Stonehill Analysis

Jessica, to sail around the British Virgin Islands: super hot.  To live on the Hudson River: super not.

This fridge doesn’t need a lot of analysis because it clearly tells us what kind of lifestyle he’s living and that’s more the focus here.

Before we dive in, lets touch on a few fridge details first…

His fridge is smaller than Webster.
He drinks beer.  Which is a given, as you need to blow at least a .1 to get your boating license.
He’s got champers, which goes with the whole experience: sail out to NY Harbor, pop the cork and it’s closing time.  I give Captain credit; it’s an awesome move.  It’s just more awesome if he didn’t live on it.
He’s got NOS Blast and organic eggs.  He cares about health and with his uniform on, I bet he’s a stud.  Both positives on the dating front.  Plus, he can make you breakfast without having to cross the West Side Highway.  Which will seriously suck come winter time.
What’s up with the duck?  (Fine, a swan)  Are you trying to paint a pretty picture here?  Yes, it’s beautiful for a marine bird, but not for a method of storing sustenance.  (And I hear Swans are the evilest of bitches)
Now, when it comes to dating, what does all this mean?

Skipper is not settled in life. Lets face it: a boat is like a mobile home for WASPs.

It also says he’s a dreamer.  Which can be good if his dreams are also your dreams.  And his dreams are attainable.

The problem I’ve seen with guys living on boats is their dreams don’t mesh with building a life with someone.  Like sailing around the world on 5 bucks, or sailing to Key West, opening a bar and having daily tag-teams with Jimmy Buffet.

Dreams are great, but they have to be realistic.  And dreams are not the same as hope.  Andy Duphrane wanted to get out of Shawkshank and get to Mexico.  Not the moon.

It’s key to talk dreams and goals with Skip.  Can I hear him saying, holy crap, it’s been 2 months and she already wants to talk future?  Duh.

But who gives a shit.  The dude’s in his 40’s living on a boat.  This brings on such conversation from any levelheaded woman.  You want to be like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, go chase high school girls.

He needs to be probed.  (Not Cartman style, but you know what I mean).  If he doesn’t like it, move into a home that doesn’t float.  If what he says makes sense, and there’s a true connection, explore it.  But be sure as you move forward, his actions match his words.

If you don’t see a future, jump ship.  If he’s hot, bang him, then jump ship.  Though never forget, time spent with him is time away from your future husband.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 9
That’s what this guy does.  That’s the perk.  He’s on a boat with champagne and billion dollar views.  The guy closes more than 47th Street on Yom Kippur.

Marry: 1.5
The only place this guy would be less likely to settle down is jail.  As if a boat wasn’t mobile enough, he works on a plane.

You’re a career woman: though it’s fun to dream about, you’re not sailing off into the sunset anytime soon with this guy.   And unless he’s been smuggling drugs, he can’t afford to retire in his 40’s anyway.

Boil your Bunny: 6
There are a couple of red flags here.  No one can hear you scream from a boat.  And I’ve watched enough Law & Order to know boats are used to dispose of bodies.

Plus, the guy’s taking serious supplements.  Who knows what kind of roid shit they’re packing into that powder.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #26


  John,
  
  I’m dating this guy.  He’s a pilot for a major airline in his 40’s.  We have a great time together, and he’s funny.  One concern though is he lives on a boat.  I’ve dated enough over the years that I know I like him, but I don’t want to invest time in the wrong one.
  
  What do you think?
  
  -Jessica


Stonehill Analysis

Jessica, to sail around the British Virgin Islands: super hot.  To live on the Hudson River: super not.

This fridge doesn’t need a lot of analysis because it clearly tells us what kind of lifestyle he’s living and that’s more the focus here.

Before we dive in, lets touch on a few fridge details first…

His fridge is smaller than Webster.
He drinks beer.  Which is a given, as you need to blow at least a .1 to get your boating license.
He’s got champers, which goes with the whole experience: sail out to NY Harbor, pop the cork and it’s closing time.  I give Captain credit; it’s an awesome move.  It’s just more awesome if he didn’t live on it.
He’s got NOS Blast and organic eggs.  He cares about health and with his uniform on, I bet he’s a stud.  Both positives on the dating front.  Plus, he can make you breakfast without having to cross the West Side Highway.  Which will seriously suck come winter time.
What’s up with the duck?  (Fine, a swan)  Are you trying to paint a pretty picture here?  Yes, it’s beautiful for a marine bird, but not for a method of storing sustenance.  (And I hear Swans are the evilest of bitches)
Now, when it comes to dating, what does all this mean?

Skipper is not settled in life. Lets face it: a boat is like a mobile home for WASPs.

It also says he’s a dreamer.  Which can be good if his dreams are also your dreams.  And his dreams are attainable.

The problem I’ve seen with guys living on boats is their dreams don’t mesh with building a life with someone.  Like sailing around the world on 5 bucks, or sailing to Key West, opening a bar and having daily tag-teams with Jimmy Buffet.

Dreams are great, but they have to be realistic.  And dreams are not the same as hope.  Andy Duphrane wanted to get out of Shawkshank and get to Mexico.  Not the moon.

It’s key to talk dreams and goals with Skip.  Can I hear him saying, holy crap, it’s been 2 months and she already wants to talk future?  Duh.

But who gives a shit.  The dude’s in his 40’s living on a boat.  This brings on such conversation from any levelheaded woman.  You want to be like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, go chase high school girls.

He needs to be probed.  (Not Cartman style, but you know what I mean).  If he doesn’t like it, move into a home that doesn’t float.  If what he says makes sense, and there’s a true connection, explore it.  But be sure as you move forward, his actions match his words.

If you don’t see a future, jump ship.  If he’s hot, bang him, then jump ship.  Though never forget, time spent with him is time away from your future husband.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 9
That’s what this guy does.  That’s the perk.  He’s on a boat with champagne and billion dollar views.  The guy closes more than 47th Street on Yom Kippur.

Marry: 1.5
The only place this guy would be less likely to settle down is jail.  As if a boat wasn’t mobile enough, he works on a plane.

You’re a career woman: though it’s fun to dream about, you’re not sailing off into the sunset anytime soon with this guy.   And unless he’s been smuggling drugs, he can’t afford to retire in his 40’s anyway.

Boil your Bunny: 6
There are a couple of red flags here.  No one can hear you scream from a boat.  And I’ve watched enough Law & Order to know boats are used to dispose of bodies.

Plus, the guy’s taking serious supplements.  Who knows what kind of roid shit they’re packing into that powder.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #26

John,

I’m dating this guy. He’s a pilot for a major airline in his 40’s. We have a great time together, and he’s funny. One concern though is he lives on a boat. I’ve dated enough over the years that I know I like him, but I don’t want to invest time in the wrong one.

What do you think?

-Jessica

Stonehill Analysis

Jessica, to sail around the British Virgin Islands: super hot. To live on the Hudson River: super not.

This fridge doesn’t need a lot of analysis because it clearly tells us what kind of lifestyle he’s living and that’s more the focus here.

Before we dive in, lets touch on a few fridge details first…

  1. His fridge is smaller than Webster.

  2. He drinks beer. Which is a given, as you need to blow at least a .1 to get your boating license.

  3. He’s got champers, which goes with the whole experience: sail out to NY Harbor, pop the cork and it’s closing time. I give Captain credit; it’s an awesome move. It’s just more awesome if he didn’t live on it.

  4. He’s got NOS Blast and organic eggs. He cares about health and with his uniform on, I bet he’s a stud. Both positives on the dating front. Plus, he can make you breakfast without having to cross the West Side Highway. Which will seriously suck come winter time.

  5. What’s up with the duck? (Fine, a swan) Are you trying to paint a pretty picture here? Yes, it’s beautiful for a marine bird, but not for a method of storing sustenance. (And I hear Swans are the evilest of bitches)

Now, when it comes to dating, what does all this mean?

Skipper is not settled in life. Lets face it: a boat is like a mobile home for WASPs.

It also says he’s a dreamer. Which can be good if his dreams are also your dreams. And his dreams are attainable.

The problem I’ve seen with guys living on boats is their dreams don’t mesh with building a life with someone. Like sailing around the world on 5 bucks, or sailing to Key West, opening a bar and having daily tag-teams with Jimmy Buffet.

Dreams are great, but they have to be realistic. And dreams are not the same as hope. Andy Duphrane wanted to get out of Shawkshank and get to Mexico. Not the moon.

It’s key to talk dreams and goals with Skip. Can I hear him saying, holy crap, it’s been 2 months and she already wants to talk future? Duh.

But who gives a shit. The dude’s in his 40’s living on a boat. This brings on such conversation from any levelheaded woman. You want to be like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, go chase high school girls.

He needs to be probed. (Not Cartman style, but you know what I mean). If he doesn’t like it, move into a home that doesn’t float. If what he says makes sense, and there’s a true connection, explore it. But be sure as you move forward, his actions match his words.

If you don’t see a future, jump ship. If he’s hot, bang him, then jump ship. Though never forget, time spent with him is time away from your future husband.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Bang on first date: 9
That’s what this guy does. That’s the perk. He’s on a boat with champagne and billion dollar views. The guy closes more than 47th Street on Yom Kippur.

Marry: 1.5
The only place this guy would be less likely to settle down is jail. As if a boat wasn’t mobile enough, he works on a plane.

You’re a career woman: though it’s fun to dream about, you’re not sailing off into the sunset anytime soon with this guy. And unless he’s been smuggling drugs, he can’t afford to retire in his 40’s anyway.

Boil your Bunny: 6
There are a couple of red flags here. No one can hear you scream from a boat. And I’ve watched enough Law & Order to know boats are used to dispose of bodies.

Plus, the guy’s taking serious supplements. Who knows what kind of roid shit they’re packing into that powder.

6Medium, Male, Maybegang,

"The Bender"


  I was a guest on The Bender last night with host Ben Harvey to discuss dating and his fridge.  Listen to the entertaining podcast here: http://benderlounge.com/john-stonehill-check-their-fridge/
  
  Here are the highlights of what Ben’s fridge says about his lifestyle and dating prospects…


Stonehill Analysis

Ben,

I know it’s not a mystery, but the first thing your fridge tells me is this: you’re gay.  The only thing more obvious than gourmet cat treats would be a rainbow flag.

Now, we all know it’s fun to poke fun at someone.  I mean, who doesn’t love a roast?  But unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of embarrassing items to rain down on you here.

The beverages are one.  Lets be frank: your fridge can pass as a delivery truck for 7-11.  You drink an obscene amount of liquid.  On a date, you must take a leak every ten minutes.  (They all must think you have a serious drug problem)

The ketchup is another.  I appreciate you have Heinz, but how much do actually you need?  The Brady Bunch had less and they had meatloaf every night of the week.

Those detours aside, and I hate to kiss up to a radio host, your does fridge tell me that you’re an up and coming catch.

Here’s why….

You’re a Hard Worker

Your fridge model, along with range and hardwood floors spell homeowner.  You’re obviously building a solid career and getting paid well for it.

You also order Fresh Direct.   This tells me you’re too busy to shop or cook a meal beyond the microwave, which is backed up by your condiments.  Plus, you’re clearly brand conscious and willing to pay more.

You’re Healthy and Active

So you probably look good naked, which is better for banging.  (And a huge perk of dating ☺)  The Muscle Milk, reusable gym water bottle and Poland Spring offer their support.

You also have Almond Milk, organic products and low cal dailies like Smart Balance, Diet 7-Up and Canada Dry seltzer.  But you’re clearly not on a diet, thus a nice balance.

Now on the health front, I have to assume you have Celiac per the gluten free products in the freezer.  When it comes to dating, it’s important to be upfront with what’s going on in your life.  If someone has a problem with it, they can piss off, but it’s better to test these waters early on.

You’re Thoughtful

When I compare our 2 fridges, I feel like a selfish dick.  Look at yours…
- Steaz, which is a brand all about fair trade.
- LYFE, which is a brand all about nourishing the hungry.

And you’ve got the Environment covered as well…
- Homemade soda maker to cut down on plastic.  (That’s the kind of shit you read about, but never see in action)

I’m just relieved you’re going through a weekly case of Poland Spring.  I can assume you recycle those bottles, but I choose not to.

You’re Fun and Social

Between you and Steven from Gay List Daily, I’m sensing a pattern here.

Your 2 champers and 3 vinos say “it’s Happy Hour somewhere”.   You’re ready to entertain and have a good time.  The 2 brands of beer also tell me you’re social: if it were just for you, you’d likely only have your favorite brand.

Lastly, I see you’re Organized

And perhaps anal.  The last time I saw this many pieces fit so well together, I was on round 10 of Tetris.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 6
Your champers and vino are clearly paving the path to Pleasure Town.  A serious obstacle though is your work schedule.  This fridge says you’re constantly on the go, thus rest might come before wresting.

Marry: 7
If you were any more well rounded, you’d be divisible by pie.  Again, the red flag is you’re more focused on career than commitment.

Boil your Bunny: 2
Stalking is a big time suck.  Serious dedication.  Yes, you have enough beverages for a month-long stakeout.  But I just don’t see you squeezing it into your calendar.
ZoomInfo
"The Bender"


  I was a guest on The Bender last night with host Ben Harvey to discuss dating and his fridge.  Listen to the entertaining podcast here: http://benderlounge.com/john-stonehill-check-their-fridge/
  
  Here are the highlights of what Ben’s fridge says about his lifestyle and dating prospects…


Stonehill Analysis

Ben,

I know it’s not a mystery, but the first thing your fridge tells me is this: you’re gay.  The only thing more obvious than gourmet cat treats would be a rainbow flag.

Now, we all know it’s fun to poke fun at someone.  I mean, who doesn’t love a roast?  But unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of embarrassing items to rain down on you here.

The beverages are one.  Lets be frank: your fridge can pass as a delivery truck for 7-11.  You drink an obscene amount of liquid.  On a date, you must take a leak every ten minutes.  (They all must think you have a serious drug problem)

The ketchup is another.  I appreciate you have Heinz, but how much do actually you need?  The Brady Bunch had less and they had meatloaf every night of the week.

Those detours aside, and I hate to kiss up to a radio host, your does fridge tell me that you’re an up and coming catch.

Here’s why….

You’re a Hard Worker

Your fridge model, along with range and hardwood floors spell homeowner.  You’re obviously building a solid career and getting paid well for it.

You also order Fresh Direct.   This tells me you’re too busy to shop or cook a meal beyond the microwave, which is backed up by your condiments.  Plus, you’re clearly brand conscious and willing to pay more.

You’re Healthy and Active

So you probably look good naked, which is better for banging.  (And a huge perk of dating ☺)  The Muscle Milk, reusable gym water bottle and Poland Spring offer their support.

You also have Almond Milk, organic products and low cal dailies like Smart Balance, Diet 7-Up and Canada Dry seltzer.  But you’re clearly not on a diet, thus a nice balance.

Now on the health front, I have to assume you have Celiac per the gluten free products in the freezer.  When it comes to dating, it’s important to be upfront with what’s going on in your life.  If someone has a problem with it, they can piss off, but it’s better to test these waters early on.

You’re Thoughtful

When I compare our 2 fridges, I feel like a selfish dick.  Look at yours…
- Steaz, which is a brand all about fair trade.
- LYFE, which is a brand all about nourishing the hungry.

And you’ve got the Environment covered as well…
- Homemade soda maker to cut down on plastic.  (That’s the kind of shit you read about, but never see in action)

I’m just relieved you’re going through a weekly case of Poland Spring.  I can assume you recycle those bottles, but I choose not to.

You’re Fun and Social

Between you and Steven from Gay List Daily, I’m sensing a pattern here.

Your 2 champers and 3 vinos say “it’s Happy Hour somewhere”.   You’re ready to entertain and have a good time.  The 2 brands of beer also tell me you’re social: if it were just for you, you’d likely only have your favorite brand.

Lastly, I see you’re Organized

And perhaps anal.  The last time I saw this many pieces fit so well together, I was on round 10 of Tetris.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 6
Your champers and vino are clearly paving the path to Pleasure Town.  A serious obstacle though is your work schedule.  This fridge says you’re constantly on the go, thus rest might come before wresting.

Marry: 7
If you were any more well rounded, you’d be divisible by pie.  Again, the red flag is you’re more focused on career than commitment.

Boil your Bunny: 2
Stalking is a big time suck.  Serious dedication.  Yes, you have enough beverages for a month-long stakeout.  But I just don’t see you squeezing it into your calendar.
ZoomInfo

"The Bender"

I was a guest on The Bender last night with host Ben Harvey to discuss dating and his fridge. Listen to the entertaining podcast here: http://benderlounge.com/john-stonehill-check-their-fridge/

Here are the highlights of what Ben’s fridge says about his lifestyle and dating prospects…

Stonehill Analysis

Ben,

I know it’s not a mystery, but the first thing your fridge tells me is this: you’re gay. The only thing more obvious than gourmet cat treats would be a rainbow flag.

Now, we all know it’s fun to poke fun at someone. I mean, who doesn’t love a roast? But unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of embarrassing items to rain down on you here.

The beverages are one. Lets be frank: your fridge can pass as a delivery truck for 7-11. You drink an obscene amount of liquid. On a date, you must take a leak every ten minutes. (They all must think you have a serious drug problem)

The ketchup is another. I appreciate you have Heinz, but how much do actually you need? The Brady Bunch had less and they had meatloaf every night of the week.

Those detours aside, and I hate to kiss up to a radio host, your does fridge tell me that you’re an up and coming catch.

Here’s why….

You’re a Hard Worker

Your fridge model, along with range and hardwood floors spell homeowner. You’re obviously building a solid career and getting paid well for it.

You also order Fresh Direct. This tells me you’re too busy to shop or cook a meal beyond the microwave, which is backed up by your condiments. Plus, you’re clearly brand conscious and willing to pay more.

You’re Healthy and Active

So you probably look good naked, which is better for banging. (And a huge perk of dating ☺) The Muscle Milk, reusable gym water bottle and Poland Spring offer their support.

You also have Almond Milk, organic products and low cal dailies like Smart Balance, Diet 7-Up and Canada Dry seltzer. But you’re clearly not on a diet, thus a nice balance.

Now on the health front, I have to assume you have Celiac per the gluten free products in the freezer. When it comes to dating, it’s important to be upfront with what’s going on in your life. If someone has a problem with it, they can piss off, but it’s better to test these waters early on.

You’re Thoughtful

When I compare our 2 fridges, I feel like a selfish dick. Look at yours…
- Steaz, which is a brand all about fair trade.
- LYFE, which is a brand all about nourishing the hungry.

And you’ve got the Environment covered as well…
- Homemade soda maker to cut down on plastic. (That’s the kind of shit you read about, but never see in action)

I’m just relieved you’re going through a weekly case of Poland Spring. I can assume you recycle those bottles, but I choose not to.

You’re Fun and Social

Between you and Steven from Gay List Daily, I’m sensing a pattern here.

Your 2 champers and 3 vinos say “it’s Happy Hour somewhere”. You’re ready to entertain and have a good time. The 2 brands of beer also tell me you’re social: if it were just for you, you’d likely only have your favorite brand.

Lastly, I see you’re Organized

And perhaps anal. The last time I saw this many pieces fit so well together, I was on round 10 of Tetris.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Bang on first date: 6
Your champers and vino are clearly paving the path to Pleasure Town. A serious obstacle though is your work schedule. This fridge says you’re constantly on the go, thus rest might come before wresting.

Marry: 7
If you were any more well rounded, you’d be divisible by pie. Again, the red flag is you’re more focused on career than commitment.

Boil your Bunny: 2
Stalking is a big time suck. Serious dedication. Yes, you have enough beverages for a month-long stakeout. But I just don’t see you squeezing it into your calendar.

6Medium, Male, LGBT, Mustbang, Dating, Date, Humor, Love, Advice, Relationship, Media,

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