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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

Fridge Analysis

Dear Stonehill,

I’m newly single and starting to date again. I only over-think, like everything, so be gentle. What does my Fridge say about me? I want to put my best foot forward.

-Robin

Stonehill Analysis

Robin, first off, you have really nice melons, but we’ll get into that later. Second, never change your fridge for a guy. He’s going to figure out who you are sooner or later, so don’t waste time trying to impress him. You have no idea what he’s looking for anyway and if he doesn’t dig you being you, he can piss off.

That said, here’s what your Fridge tells me…

You’re likely a Vegan and most definitely into your career. You’re probably too busy with work to stock your fridge, and too busy to cook, thus no ingredients to make a meal. You just have snacks and they’re all fruit except for the mystery bowl at the bottom.

The fact that you shop at Whole Foods says you’re willing to pay a bit more and that you bought two melon halves already cleaned out rather than buy a whole one for less money reinforces that you’re not counting pennies.

If you are a vegan, it could go either way. Dating is a team sport and if your date is willing to accept your love of veggie-ville, you need to accept his love of the once-living. Taking turns on restaurants is the way to go. But if you think your lifestyle should now be his lifestyle, I’d advise your date to shag now-ask questions never.

You also seem to be a world traveler, always a plus. You got that thing that looks like a porcupine mated with a football. I’ve never seen it in the US, so I assume you discovered it somewhere overseas.

You’re also the environmentally conscious type as you’re on the go, yet don’t have a 12-pack of bottled water. You probably take a reusable water bottle with you, and though I can’t see the door of your fridge, a class schedule from Equinox is a good bet.

Be aware that you might make more money than your date, and have a higher stamp count on your passport. As long as you still let the guy be the guy, he should be okay with it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 7
When it comes to sex, you don’t have time to play games. You’re busy with your career and that carries over to the bedroom. As a Vegan, you’re probably into Yoga and don’t tirelessly work on that yoga-tush for nothing.

Marry: 6
You have potential Robin, but a concern is you won’t let the guy be the guy. Career women like to be in control and that bleeds into their dating. Though it constantly works against them, they often don’t see it.

Boil your Bunny: 2
You love animals, so boiling them is not your thing.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Romance, Relationships, Food, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!

-Caitlyn

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year. Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century. And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions. Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant. The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it. We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential. I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies. But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

• This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen. It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front. Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation. What does this all mean? Probably one tight tush.

• You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time. (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do). I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

• You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move. You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

• Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

• You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

• You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

• No booze, a tragedy in my book. This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign. Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

• This fridge ain’t guy friendly. It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest. It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready. You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential. So best of luck this dating season. Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1. I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food. You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say. Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there. Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait. Your fridge is clean and organized. You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession. Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout. All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.

6Medium, Female, Maybebang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Refrigertor, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Advice, Insight, Funny, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy. We made out, nothing more. Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.

-Ted

Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K. (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life. And there’s nothing wrong with this. You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes. She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people. And one of them is in AA. I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss. (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back) Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests. If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much. I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment. Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl. (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends. This fridge is all about breakfast. I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day. (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here. Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee. Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae. (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly. You guys should both be dating other people. As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place. Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time. If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something. If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Refridgerator, Humor, Funny, Advice, Insight,

Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
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Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Hey Stonehill,

Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?

-Evon (The Witty Girl)

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too! Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you. I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman. Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one. Why? Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’. There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water? Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something. An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians. Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
• Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
• Portia de Rossi
• K.D. Lang
• Martina Navrilatova (My fave female tennis player)
• Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
• Billy Jean King
• Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
• Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
• Meredith Baxter

I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies. And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women. Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear. She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved. Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy. A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6. It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready. This girl is a Grade-A host. She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks. Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss. Seriously. (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual. She’s obviously telling you this for a reason. She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor. I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road. Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags. She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard. I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch. We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, LGBT, Love, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Advice, Food, Drinks, Refrigerator, Humor, Insight, Funny,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’m not shitting you, my mother is setting me up with Debbie and had her send me a pic of her fridge.

Shoot it to me straight.

-Ken

Stonehill Analysis

Ken, I usually find getting set up by one’s mother as safe as skipping in Moscow, but this might not be as painful as it looks.

I know what you’re thinking and yes, this fridge has more shit in it than any single person you’ve ever met. What it says to me is that Debbie doesn’t plan on being single for long. I don’t mean that Debbie is in the DZ (Danger Zone), it’s just clear she has maternal qualities that will translate to her dating.

Now, as we all know, there are certain chicks you shag and certain chicks you marry. Of course, we try to shag the ones we marry too, but there are ones we know will be just sex, and ones we see having girlfriend potential. Debbie is the latter.

As analyzing all this shit will take til next Valentine’s Day, here’s my Debbie Top 5…

1. Debbie is a dork.

Like Brian in the Breakfast Club, all the food groups are represented. She obviously cares about nutrition not just for her, but for those she has over to nosh.

She makes good use of her impressive Tupperware collection, but even with that armada, she can’t eat all this shit alone before it spoils. I also find with this much Organic, I’m taking a turn to Crunchy Town, but this reeks more of grandma than granola.

2. Debbie is one organized chick

I mean, if she was born 100 years ago, she might have invented the Dewey Decimal System. There’s clearly some logic going on here, and in today’s day and age, I’d assume that translates to a career in finance, law or IT. (I cut out decorating or something creative, as this fridge might be organized, but it ain’t a thing of beauty)

3. Debbie’s either an immigrant or first generation American.

Why? Cause Americans (or at least their American born parents) heard the Chiquita Banana song to never put your bananas in the refrigerator (or they spoil, blow up or some shit like that). Debbie clearly never got the memo.

4. Debbie is a homeowner.

(Or renting an upscale home directly from the owner). Her fridge is a standup model, which I’ve never seen in a rental and she obviously makes money. I give her credit that unlike many career women, she doesn’t use that as an excuse to keep a fridge-like oasis.

5. Debbie is doable.

With all that healthy eating, she’s obviously taking care of herself. Plus, it seems like she makes a ton of smoothies, which brings up a simple formula. Smoothies + Exercise = 1 Tight Tushy.

I have to assume the lemons, limes, bananas and jug of juice go to this cause. She doesn’t seem to be the margarita type (no lemons and lime use here), maybe a martini from time to time (further evidence she’s a lawyer) and she does have that bottle of wine hiding in the back, which lessens its importance.

In conclusion…

Debbie is not the bed and bolt type, but more like the bed and bask variety. You’ll be in for some quality home cooked meals and a woman who wants to take care of you.

Now, if she wants your Johnson, she won’t be getting there through your pants, but through your stomach. If you’re looking for a relationship, you have a strong candidate here.

Just make sure if she has nieces or nephews, she doesn’t have more than 1 pic of each magneted to her fridge front. If she does, even if she says she’s on the pill, wear a helmet ☺.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 3
She’s looking for more than just sex. Your best shot is having no shot of being her one.

Marry: 8
She’s already playing the part, and will make it easy for you to play yours. Though she might want to dive into the deep end of the baby-making pool before you’re ready to get your feet wet.

Boil your Bunny: 1
Unless she’s from a region that loves braised rabbit, then add a zero after the 1.

6Medium, Female, Maybebng, Romance, Love, Marriage, Dating, Relationships, Advice, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I need a fridge checkup here.  (Yes, it’s mine)  And don’t be gentle.
  
  -Tara


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Tara, no gentleness required, your fridge tells me you’re a chick I’d love to set up my buddies with.  Here’s why…

You have a career, yet you’re not all consumed by it.

The Pellegrino backs this up as you’re upscale and have the money to afford high-end products.  And the foreign (more expensive) beer says you’re either just one of the guys, or if the beer is not for you, you put thought into pleasing the guy you have over.

The three bottles of vino tells me you enjoy your happy juice, both day (Rose) and night (Red).  And the brands say expensive, reinforcing you’ve got dinero.  The hams/prociutto says you love to snack with the wine you enjoy, whether for some afternoon drinking or late night wine back at your place.  (Survey says, bing!)

Now, you’re also a girl that has a shit-load of condiments.  I mean, how many mustards can one woman have?  There’s like ten here!  You don’t cook much, as there’s not many ingredients to make dishes from scratch, but it does say you do a lot of take out, and you’re very specific about which condiment goes well with your numerous takeout dishes.

Plus, with this many condiments, you definitely eat a lot of meat, a big plus.  (And a good sign you love to shag)  I’m also glad that your condiments say you’re down-to-earth and enjoy foods that most guys love: Heinz ketchup, Grey Poupon and Hellman’s Mayo, the big three for a quality cookout.

Lastly, I can see you attempt to be healthy as the Zico, fresh berries and butter lettuce show the effort is there, thus a good chance you have a nice tush.  And the Zico and fresh berries are expensive, reinforcing you’ve got Benjamins.

(One item that does stick out is the half-gallon of whole milk: as the rest of your fridge screams healthy grown-up, I’d assume it’s for your coffee and when that inevitably goes stale before finishing, Coffee Mate.)

So, here’s what I’d tell my buddies…nice tush, down-to-earth shekels and shags.  It’s a blind date, what more can he ask for?

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 6.5
You’re busy with your career and don’t have time to play games, but you do put effort into catering to the guy, which also tells me you’re looking for something long term, thus don’t want to give it up too quick.

Marry: 8
You got beer, tons of wine and ham to munch on, plus you’re a big time meat eater.  Alll huge plusses and marry-this-chick-now qualities.  As you’re a career woman, many in your shoes don’t let the guy be the guy and that lowers the score a couple of points.  If you let the guy lead (even if you make more money than him), you’re golden.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
You got her hands full with a career, friends, etc. thus not a lot of time to stalk.  But you also got like 10 freakin mustards here.  That takes a shitload of thought.  Anyone that can over-think anything that much has bunny-boiler potential.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPhone 5
ISO
50
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/32th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I need a fridge checkup here. (Yes, it’s mine) And don’t be gentle.

-Tara

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Tara, no gentleness required, your fridge tells me you’re a chick I’d love to set up my buddies with. Here’s why…

You have a career, yet you’re not all consumed by it.

The Pellegrino backs this up as you’re upscale and have the money to afford high-end products. And the foreign (more expensive) beer says you’re either just one of the guys, or if the beer is not for you, you put thought into pleasing the guy you have over.

The three bottles of vino tells me you enjoy your happy juice, both day (Rose) and night (Red). And the brands say expensive, reinforcing you’ve got dinero. The hams/prociutto says you love to snack with the wine you enjoy, whether for some afternoon drinking or late night wine back at your place. (Survey says, bing!)

Now, you’re also a girl that has a shit-load of condiments. I mean, how many mustards can one woman have? There’s like ten here! You don’t cook much, as there’s not many ingredients to make dishes from scratch, but it does say you do a lot of take out, and you’re very specific about which condiment goes well with your numerous takeout dishes.

Plus, with this many condiments, you definitely eat a lot of meat, a big plus. (And a good sign you love to shag) I’m also glad that your condiments say you’re down-to-earth and enjoy foods that most guys love: Heinz ketchup, Grey Poupon and Hellman’s Mayo, the big three for a quality cookout.

Lastly, I can see you attempt to be healthy as the Zico, fresh berries and butter lettuce show the effort is there, thus a good chance you have a nice tush. And the Zico and fresh berries are expensive, reinforcing you’ve got Benjamins.

(One item that does stick out is the half-gallon of whole milk: as the rest of your fridge screams healthy grown-up, I’d assume it’s for your coffee and when that inevitably goes stale before finishing, Coffee Mate.)

So, here’s what I’d tell my buddies…nice tush, down-to-earth shekels and shags. It’s a blind date, what more can he ask for?

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 6.5
You’re busy with your career and don’t have time to play games, but you do put effort into catering to the guy, which also tells me you’re looking for something long term, thus don’t want to give it up too quick.

Marry: 8
You got beer, tons of wine and ham to munch on, plus you’re a big time meat eater. Alll huge plusses and marry-this-chick-now qualities. As you’re a career woman, many in your shoes don’t let the guy be the guy and that lowers the score a couple of points. If you let the guy lead (even if you make more money than him), you’re golden.

Boil your Bunny: 3.5
You got her hands full with a career, friends, etc. thus not a lot of time to stalk. But you also got like 10 freakin mustards here. That takes a shitload of thought. Anyone that can over-think anything that much has bunny-boiler potential.

6Medium, Mustbang, Romance, Love, Dating, Relationship, Advice, Valentine's Day, Female,

Fridge Post #39


  Stonehill,
  
  The reasons I’m interested to hear your analogy is because much like other aspects of my “dating life” there seems to be a pattern.
  
  The guy I just recently started going out with, and it didn’t begin with him, every time he comes over, once initial pleasantries are exchanged and brief small talk has ensued, he goes straight to my kitchen and without even asking opens my fridge/freezer and stands there inspecting the contents. Let me add that I’m a relatively well-versed girl in the area of hospitality and always ask any guest if they would like something to drink, etc. upon their arrival to my home.
  
  When I ask him what he’s looking for he says “Oh, nothing. Just looking.” On a side note, we met in late November and see each other an average of twice a week and have not solidified a “full on intimate” relationship as of yet.
  
  I find it interesting behavior as first of all I wouldn’t go into his or anyone except maybe a relative’s or best friend’s house and open their fridge without at least asking. I’m not put off by it, just curious about both his motivation and possible thoughts about me, us, whatever… And for my own sake, I wanna know what my Fridgedaire is saying to others!
  
  He is not by any stretch my “boyfriend,” as I mentioned previously, it’s all really recent stuff. When I was discussing it with friends, as to whether it seemed rude, or what, one of them said it was a “sign of intimacy and comfortableness” and then they mentioned your site, which I obviously visited, and here we are now :)
  
  This was probably way more info than you bargained for however I am totally intrigued by the reasons behind the behavior and the impression the contents and order of my fridge/freezer are giving.
  
  -Susan


Stonehill Analysis

Susan,

Thanks for the background!  I think your dude feels what I (and many of us feel) when checking someone’s fridge.  At first it might be instinctual, but it truly does give a feel for the person and a roadmap of what it’d be like to hang out at their pad in the future.

Now why you’ve been hanging out with this guy since November and haven’t done the deed is TBD, but it’s been way too long to still be in the Patty Cake phase.

Lets check your fridge, and see what it tells us…

Right off the bat, you make an effort to be healthy.  Which brings up the classic formula: healthy diet + exercise = one saucy set.  (And evidence your non-boyfriend boyfriend is either not interested, has no game or has an epic case of blue balls)

Sharing a common lifestyle is important when it comes to dating, and your fridge says you eat well and exercise.  You have veggies and enough Silk on hand for healthy cereals, bevs and half your neighborhood’s stray cats.

You’re buying organic, like Amy’s, eggs and Matt’s OJ, which tells me you’re willing to spend more on the health (and environment) front, plus you have enough bottled water for those on-the-go workouts.  If bottled water were your primary source of water at home, I’d assume you’d buy larger containers.

Now, you’re also a brand person.  You’re willing to pay a premium to ensure quality.  If you’re brand conscious in your fridge, you probably are in other aspects of your life.

There’s a match out there for everyone, but I’ve seen couples that didn’t mesh cause of differing spending habits.  My feeling is if you can’t afford the extra 80 cents for Heinz, move back in with your parents.

One more ‘feel’ I get about you is this: Sheena was Queen of the Dessert…you’re the Queen of Breakfast.  And I love it.

Nothing says more ‘Weekend’ to me than coffee and the paper in bed, pancakes, eggs and omelets.  And you got it all, including pure maple syrup, rather than that Log Cabin shit.

Pure maple syrup costs way more and tastes way better, which again, reflects your personality.  I did notice that both syrups are open, yet neither are finished.  Perhaps you have a habit of moving onto what’s new without finishing what’s now.  (Just a possibility)

Now, as I touched on earlier, much of these fridge observations are instinctual.  We get a feel.  And I can see why your dude keep eying yours…

You’re nourishing, without being desperate.  You’re organized without being anal.  You’re cute without making me wanna puke.  I mean, you have frosted mugs in your freezer and a whole collection of magnets to entertain on the fridge door.

Are you meant to be with this guy?  No clue.  But from what I see, he’d be missing out if he didn’t get to know you better.  (Starting with some overdue rogering, of course ☺)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 2
This is a tough one.  By the contents of your fridge, many signs point to Titillation Town.  You have beers mugs on standby, munchies at the ready and the perfect breakfast to whip up come morning.

But, the industry standard for shagging is 3-4 dates.  And you’re already knocking on 2 seasons, here.   That’s a stat I can’t ignore.  I do believe a guy should have the balls to make the first move.  But it also takes 2 to Tango.  And you should have Tangoed the shit out of him by now.

Marry: 7

I see major assets here.  You’re cool, fun, healthy and have it together, all wrapped up in, what I’d like to assume, is a tight package.

But when you say pattern, I’m not sure if you’re saying the common thread is they check your fridge, or that in addition, your relationships stay casual and non-sexual.

Whatever you want out of your relationships, you need to dictate that to the men you’re dating.   The ability to communicate one’s needs in a relationship is vital.

After a couple of months, the Test Drive phase is over.  If you want the kind of intimate relationship that, if working, eventually leads to marriage, that’s what you should have.

See my Date Tip here on how to tell him: http://tinyurl.com/lj4hsor

Boil your Bunny: 2
Though I see you have the condiments needed to grill animals, I don’t see any evidence that you boil furry ones.  You truly seem to be a well-grounded chica.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #39


  Stonehill,
  
  The reasons I’m interested to hear your analogy is because much like other aspects of my “dating life” there seems to be a pattern.
  
  The guy I just recently started going out with, and it didn’t begin with him, every time he comes over, once initial pleasantries are exchanged and brief small talk has ensued, he goes straight to my kitchen and without even asking opens my fridge/freezer and stands there inspecting the contents. Let me add that I’m a relatively well-versed girl in the area of hospitality and always ask any guest if they would like something to drink, etc. upon their arrival to my home.
  
  When I ask him what he’s looking for he says “Oh, nothing. Just looking.” On a side note, we met in late November and see each other an average of twice a week and have not solidified a “full on intimate” relationship as of yet.
  
  I find it interesting behavior as first of all I wouldn’t go into his or anyone except maybe a relative’s or best friend’s house and open their fridge without at least asking. I’m not put off by it, just curious about both his motivation and possible thoughts about me, us, whatever… And for my own sake, I wanna know what my Fridgedaire is saying to others!
  
  He is not by any stretch my “boyfriend,” as I mentioned previously, it’s all really recent stuff. When I was discussing it with friends, as to whether it seemed rude, or what, one of them said it was a “sign of intimacy and comfortableness” and then they mentioned your site, which I obviously visited, and here we are now :)
  
  This was probably way more info than you bargained for however I am totally intrigued by the reasons behind the behavior and the impression the contents and order of my fridge/freezer are giving.
  
  -Susan


Stonehill Analysis

Susan,

Thanks for the background!  I think your dude feels what I (and many of us feel) when checking someone’s fridge.  At first it might be instinctual, but it truly does give a feel for the person and a roadmap of what it’d be like to hang out at their pad in the future.

Now why you’ve been hanging out with this guy since November and haven’t done the deed is TBD, but it’s been way too long to still be in the Patty Cake phase.

Lets check your fridge, and see what it tells us…

Right off the bat, you make an effort to be healthy.  Which brings up the classic formula: healthy diet + exercise = one saucy set.  (And evidence your non-boyfriend boyfriend is either not interested, has no game or has an epic case of blue balls)

Sharing a common lifestyle is important when it comes to dating, and your fridge says you eat well and exercise.  You have veggies and enough Silk on hand for healthy cereals, bevs and half your neighborhood’s stray cats.

You’re buying organic, like Amy’s, eggs and Matt’s OJ, which tells me you’re willing to spend more on the health (and environment) front, plus you have enough bottled water for those on-the-go workouts.  If bottled water were your primary source of water at home, I’d assume you’d buy larger containers.

Now, you’re also a brand person.  You’re willing to pay a premium to ensure quality.  If you’re brand conscious in your fridge, you probably are in other aspects of your life.

There’s a match out there for everyone, but I’ve seen couples that didn’t mesh cause of differing spending habits.  My feeling is if you can’t afford the extra 80 cents for Heinz, move back in with your parents.

One more ‘feel’ I get about you is this: Sheena was Queen of the Dessert…you’re the Queen of Breakfast.  And I love it.

Nothing says more ‘Weekend’ to me than coffee and the paper in bed, pancakes, eggs and omelets.  And you got it all, including pure maple syrup, rather than that Log Cabin shit.

Pure maple syrup costs way more and tastes way better, which again, reflects your personality.  I did notice that both syrups are open, yet neither are finished.  Perhaps you have a habit of moving onto what’s new without finishing what’s now.  (Just a possibility)

Now, as I touched on earlier, much of these fridge observations are instinctual.  We get a feel.  And I can see why your dude keep eying yours…

You’re nourishing, without being desperate.  You’re organized without being anal.  You’re cute without making me wanna puke.  I mean, you have frosted mugs in your freezer and a whole collection of magnets to entertain on the fridge door.

Are you meant to be with this guy?  No clue.  But from what I see, he’d be missing out if he didn’t get to know you better.  (Starting with some overdue rogering, of course ☺)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 2
This is a tough one.  By the contents of your fridge, many signs point to Titillation Town.  You have beers mugs on standby, munchies at the ready and the perfect breakfast to whip up come morning.

But, the industry standard for shagging is 3-4 dates.  And you’re already knocking on 2 seasons, here.   That’s a stat I can’t ignore.  I do believe a guy should have the balls to make the first move.  But it also takes 2 to Tango.  And you should have Tangoed the shit out of him by now.

Marry: 7

I see major assets here.  You’re cool, fun, healthy and have it together, all wrapped up in, what I’d like to assume, is a tight package.

But when you say pattern, I’m not sure if you’re saying the common thread is they check your fridge, or that in addition, your relationships stay casual and non-sexual.

Whatever you want out of your relationships, you need to dictate that to the men you’re dating.   The ability to communicate one’s needs in a relationship is vital.

After a couple of months, the Test Drive phase is over.  If you want the kind of intimate relationship that, if working, eventually leads to marriage, that’s what you should have.

See my Date Tip here on how to tell him: http://tinyurl.com/lj4hsor

Boil your Bunny: 2
Though I see you have the condiments needed to grill animals, I don’t see any evidence that you boil furry ones.  You truly seem to be a well-grounded chica.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #39

Stonehill,

The reasons I’m interested to hear your analogy is because much like other aspects of my “dating life” there seems to be a pattern.

The guy I just recently started going out with, and it didn’t begin with him, every time he comes over, once initial pleasantries are exchanged and brief small talk has ensued, he goes straight to my kitchen and without even asking opens my fridge/freezer and stands there inspecting the contents. Let me add that I’m a relatively well-versed girl in the area of hospitality and always ask any guest if they would like something to drink, etc. upon their arrival to my home.

When I ask him what he’s looking for he says “Oh, nothing. Just looking.” On a side note, we met in late November and see each other an average of twice a week and have not solidified a “full on intimate” relationship as of yet.

I find it interesting behavior as first of all I wouldn’t go into his or anyone except maybe a relative’s or best friend’s house and open their fridge without at least asking. I’m not put off by it, just curious about both his motivation and possible thoughts about me, us, whatever… And for my own sake, I wanna know what my Fridgedaire is saying to others!

He is not by any stretch my “boyfriend,” as I mentioned previously, it’s all really recent stuff. When I was discussing it with friends, as to whether it seemed rude, or what, one of them said it was a “sign of intimacy and comfortableness” and then they mentioned your site, which I obviously visited, and here we are now :)

This was probably way more info than you bargained for however I am totally intrigued by the reasons behind the behavior and the impression the contents and order of my fridge/freezer are giving.

-Susan

Stonehill Analysis

Susan,

Thanks for the background! I think your dude feels what I (and many of us feel) when checking someone’s fridge. At first it might be instinctual, but it truly does give a feel for the person and a roadmap of what it’d be like to hang out at their pad in the future.

Now why you’ve been hanging out with this guy since November and haven’t done the deed is TBD, but it’s been way too long to still be in the Patty Cake phase.

Lets check your fridge, and see what it tells us…

Right off the bat, you make an effort to be healthy. Which brings up the classic formula: healthy diet + exercise = one saucy set. (And evidence your non-boyfriend boyfriend is either not interested, has no game or has an epic case of blue balls)

Sharing a common lifestyle is important when it comes to dating, and your fridge says you eat well and exercise. You have veggies and enough Silk on hand for healthy cereals, bevs and half your neighborhood’s stray cats.

You’re buying organic, like Amy’s, eggs and Matt’s OJ, which tells me you’re willing to spend more on the health (and environment) front, plus you have enough bottled water for those on-the-go workouts. If bottled water were your primary source of water at home, I’d assume you’d buy larger containers.

Now, you’re also a brand person. You’re willing to pay a premium to ensure quality. If you’re brand conscious in your fridge, you probably are in other aspects of your life.

There’s a match out there for everyone, but I’ve seen couples that didn’t mesh cause of differing spending habits. My feeling is if you can’t afford the extra 80 cents for Heinz, move back in with your parents.

One more ‘feel’ I get about you is this: Sheena was Queen of the Dessert…you’re the Queen of Breakfast. And I love it.

Nothing says more ‘Weekend’ to me than coffee and the paper in bed, pancakes, eggs and omelets. And you got it all, including pure maple syrup, rather than that Log Cabin shit.

Pure maple syrup costs way more and tastes way better, which again, reflects your personality. I did notice that both syrups are open, yet neither are finished. Perhaps you have a habit of moving onto what’s new without finishing what’s now. (Just a possibility)

Now, as I touched on earlier, much of these fridge observations are instinctual. We get a feel. And I can see why your dude keep eying yours…

You’re nourishing, without being desperate. You’re organized without being anal. You’re cute without making me wanna puke. I mean, you have frosted mugs in your freezer and a whole collection of magnets to entertain on the fridge door.

Are you meant to be with this guy? No clue. But from what I see, he’d be missing out if he didn’t get to know you better. (Starting with some overdue rogering, of course ☺)

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 2
This is a tough one. By the contents of your fridge, many signs point to Titillation Town. You have beers mugs on standby, munchies at the ready and the perfect breakfast to whip up come morning.

But, the industry standard for shagging is 3-4 dates. And you’re already knocking on 2 seasons, here. That’s a stat I can’t ignore. I do believe a guy should have the balls to make the first move. But it also takes 2 to Tango. And you should have Tangoed the shit out of him by now.

Marry: 7

I see major assets here. You’re cool, fun, healthy and have it together, all wrapped up in, what I’d like to assume, is a tight package.

But when you say pattern, I’m not sure if you’re saying the common thread is they check your fridge, or that in addition, your relationships stay casual and non-sexual.

Whatever you want out of your relationships, you need to dictate that to the men you’re dating. The ability to communicate one’s needs in a relationship is vital.

After a couple of months, the Test Drive phase is over. If you want the kind of intimate relationship that, if working, eventually leads to marriage, that’s what you should have.

See my Date Tip here on how to tell him: http://tinyurl.com/lj4hsor

Boil your Bunny: 2
Though I see you have the condiments needed to grill animals, I don’t see any evidence that you boil furry ones. You truly seem to be a well-grounded chica.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female,

Fridge Post #38

Stonehill,

She’s passed out on the sofa… What do you think? Note: the bulb inside the fridge does not work.

-Mark

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Mark,

I don’t believe a book’s cover can tell you everything. But it sure as hell can tell you a lot. And this girl’s cover is a shithole.

On the positive side, if she’s passed out on the couch, I’m sure she’s fun, comfy around you, and enjoyed a night of drinking.

What I’m not sure about is if she’s meant for a fling or is relationship material. There are some peeps we shag. And some we marry. Lets dive into what we have here and weight both options…

Relationship Material

I love a girl who’s a good time. On top of the fact that she likes to party, with enough food and booze to fuel the effort, she’s clearly a host, as she has enough supplies to cater well beyond her taste.

Fling

I think this would be a succinct (accurate) description of for her fridge:

  • Appliance > her fridge > pile of shit.

The light doesn’t work. The bottom drawer is falling off its hinges. I don’t need to see a Sub Zero, but I would like to meet someone with a fridge that doesn’t need to be put down anytime soon.

Relationship Material

She’s Date Ready and deserves kudos.

She has plenty of drinks to serve, whether it’s a beer before dinner or a cocktail for a nightcap, snacks (if they’re not spoiled), dessert on standby and the freezer ready for that emergency post-midnight case of munchies.

Fling

It’s not just that this fridge has as much organization as the toy chest of a three year old, it’s outright dirty. There’s schmutz everywhere. You can’t see through those drawers and it’s not just cause they’re tinted.

The 2nd shelf looks like a volcanic eruption, though in lieu of lava, it’s her groceries. Crap’s piled everywhere, and I can’t tell what’s what. Chaos in one’s fridge often means chaos in one’s life. We all need a little crazy in life, just be careful to monitor her levels.

Relationship Material

She can make you breakfast in bed. Between those dozen eggs, almond milk and whatever else is in that mystery mountain, there’s enough there to fix you up something tasty.

This girl is gimme to have a fling with. She’s fun and that’s something we all need in life. A relationship, I’m not so sure about that. But that’s what dating is for…getting to know someone better to see if they’re a fit.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 8
She drinks enough to pass out. With beer in the fridge and liquor in the freezer, she’s ready to grease the rails to saucy town.

That combined with the fact that she’s wackypack enough for her fridge to be in this disarray tells me the odds are good you’re closing.

Marry: 4

There are positives and negatives here, though with her fridge on its last legs and its innards looking like a victim of the 94 Northridge quake, she grades below average.

Can you get to the altar with this girl some day? Absolutely. She just has enough red flags to give pause.

Boil your Bunny: 5
For all I know, there’s already a bunny in there. With all that shit piled up the way it is, I can’t get the full picture. Though what I do get is that she has Bunny Boiler potential.

6Medium, Dating, Date, Love, Relationships, Advice, Maybebang, Female,

Fridge Post #37


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Happy New Year!  Here’s my fridge, what do you think??  Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.
  
  Best,
  
  -Hannah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica.  You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer.  That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front.  We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi.  I like this for a couple of reasons.  First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse.  I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front.  If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes.  Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat.  And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend.  If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange.  I mean, what color is that?  And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic.  Plus, dudes love OJ.   It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need?  Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’?  Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three?  Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta.  I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge.   This is where you keep your sustenance.  The stuff going in your body.  And it should live in a clean environment.  Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way.  Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning.  That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer.  That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself.  (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner.  You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though.  The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda.  No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here.  I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #37


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Happy New Year!  Here’s my fridge, what do you think??  Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.
  
  Best,
  
  -Hannah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica.  You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer.  That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front.  We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi.  I like this for a couple of reasons.  First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse.  I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front.  If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes.  Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat.  And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend.  If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange.  I mean, what color is that?  And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic.  Plus, dudes love OJ.   It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need?  Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’?  Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three?  Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta.  I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge.   This is where you keep your sustenance.  The stuff going in your body.  And it should live in a clean environment.  Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way.  Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning.  That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer.  That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself.  (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner.  You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though.  The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda.  No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here.  I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #37

Hey Stonehill,

Happy New Year! Here’s my fridge, what do you think?? Would love some insight (and improvement) for 2014.

Best,

-Hannah

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Hannah,

You’re one interesting Chica. You have a diverse fridge and like most of us, you have The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

The Good

I fancy a girl who can enjoy a beer. That you have it on standby is a plus, and I find that female beer drinkers most often have a down to earth quality, something most guys like to see on the dating front. We can all be high-maintenance when it comes to certain things, but it’s important to have a counter balance as well.

You dig on sushi. I like this for a couple of reasons. First off, on the dating front, sushi is a great date meal b/c you share it while pouring each other saki to avoid that ‘7 years of bad sex’ curse. I’m a fan of dates in which you share food…there’s a bonding experience and a sense of intimacy building.

Second, sushi is a healthy meal and it’s important for single chicks (and dudes) to bring their A game on the figure front. If you can’t take care of yourself now, you probably never will.

Sticking to the looks front, you have a Costo-sized stash of Yoplait light and 2 sexy tomatoes. Perfect shade of red, firm, nice size, whatever you have in store for them, I envy the end result.

Per the KC Masterpiece, I assume you eat meat. And as I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume that varsity portion of Potato Salad is for the next BBQ you attend. If it’s all for you, it’s the perfect segue into…

The Bad

Orange juice is supposed to be orange. I mean, what color is that? And I don’t know what that animal logo is on the container, but I can’t imagine he knows squat about OJ.

Orange juice is one of those products that should never be generic. Plus, dudes love OJ. It’s a smart move to have a nice tasty (orange colored) glass waiting for him.

Now, how much soda does one girl need? Are you applying to be a member of the ‘dying to be diabetic club’? Coke, Sprite and Mountain Dew I get, but do you really need all three? Is the closest 7-11 really that far in case you get the urge?

Lastly, you have Velveeta. I have it under ‘The Bad’, but if that block of article goodness is for late night fondue, I’d gladly bump it back to ‘The Good’ category.

The Ugly

The shit growing on your bottom fridge. This is where you keep your sustenance. The stuff going in your body. And it should live in a clean environment. Get some Lysol and get wiping.

Now, as I touch on above, you have some products that can go either way. Use them to your dating advantage.

For example, if you have a guy stay over, make those fresh Crescent rolls come morning. That, combined with fresh brewed coffee (which I assume the Half and Half is for) is a great way to utilize your fridge to impress that lucky feller :)

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 7
You drink beer, eat meat and have vodka on standby in the freezer. That’s a girl who’s ready if the opportunity presents itself. (And I dig it ;)

Marry: 6.75
You have a down-to-earth quality that I like to see in a potential partner. You’re clearly capable of hanging with the boys, and you have shareable foods that can be great for dating.

I do want to see you clean your fridge, though. The days of the female homemaker are over, but whether it’s a guy or girl, hygiene and cleanliness are important, especially for a living situation.

Plus, you gotta cut down on that soda. No matter how cute you are now, those calories will catch up to you in the long run.

Boil your Bunny: 4
My BYB meter is not rumbling here. I do have to dial you up a few points though for the schmutz on the bottom of your fridge and the chaos in your freezer.

6Medium, maybebang, Female,

Fridge Post #36


  Stonehill,
  
  Help! This is my fridge. What do you think?
  
  -Sarah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Sarah,

Something important to see in a potential partner is that they have friends of the opposite sex.  Even though When Harry Met Sally was my one of my fave flicks of all time, men and women should be friends.  (As long as one doesn’t want to shag the other’s brains out)

I’ve met those who didn’t have friends of the opposite sex and it was always a red flag.

I say this as it’s obvious that you have a stash of guy friends.  Why?  Cause I can’t imagine the PBR, IPA, hot sauce and Big 3 BBQ condiments (Mayo, Mustard and Ketchup) are all for your girls when they come over to watch reruns of Sex and the City.

Now, we all have to believe in something.   I believe in Stereotypes.  No offense to God, the constitution or the iPhone.  The world is just too damn complicated and stereotypes can make the chaos a bit less chaotic.

When it comes to women, no stereotype reveals more about a woman than ‘The Girl Next Door’.  We all have that image pop into our mind.  Whether it’s Amy Adams, Winnie Cooper, or that chick from Father of the Bride, what’s so special about this girl is no matter how butt-ugly a guy is, he feels like he has shot with her.

And that is special.  That says something about they type of person The GND is.  Cute, but not hot.   Bright, but you can actually understand what she’s saying.   Charming, yet humble.  Talented, yet still a team player.  And possesses confidence, yet has a healthy dose of vulnerability.

If a guy is not a total douche, this is a girl he roots for.  This is the first girl we fell in love as boys.  Yet, takes us the longest to appreciate as men.

And this is a GND fridge.  As I listed above, you have plenty of supplies to make a guy feel at home.  Yet there’s a wholesome side to you as well.  All 4 food groups are represented, and though you have food and drink to have fun, you also eat healthy.

You have an impressive lineup of fruits, veggies, Greek yogurt, hummus and you even have Cuties, which fall under the ‘cute’ food category.

Healthy is vital when it comes to dating.  You often hear  ‘check out her mom to see what she’ll look like in 20 years.’  I say check out her fridge.

On the wholesome front, you’re looking out for the environment.   You have a Brita, so you’re not chucking plastic and you’re buying organic, thus a pal of Mother Earth.

On the dating front, it’s important to be prepared and you are.   If we’re hosting a date, we need drinks on standby and bing, you got Grey Goose and Absolut in your freezer.

I also like that you’re about brunch, which is a nice Continuation Date if a dude stays over.  You got bagels, cream cheese and lox, plus Coffeemate, which tells me you brew your own coffee.

Now, on the help front, you don’t need much, but it is time to move beyond the mini bottles.  Though I love that you have champagne, you’re a grownup so step up to a grownup bottle.  (The Cuties is about all the cute shit I can handle)  Your Absolut can use a growth spurt as well.

Lastly, I’m glad to see you eat meat.  Though nothing is universal, red meat and rogering often go hand-in-hand.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6
This is a fridge that can keep a guy around, whether it’s for dinner, drinks or breakfast come morning.  As I often say when it comes to GNDs, your many amigos have probably advised you that it’s not the best strategy to shag on the first date, partly out of protection, partly due to wisdom.

The 2nd date…the world is your oyster.

Marriage: 8
I like that you splurge at Gelson’s when needed and save your scheckles at Trader Joe’s when you can.  That shows a nice balance and life is a balancing act.

In addition, you’re active, healthy, clean, fun, drink beer, eat meat and give a shit about more than yourself.  To me, that spells winner.

Boil Your Bunny: 2
You haven’t set off any of my Bunny Boiler motion detectors.  Your fridge is neat and organized enough to have your shit together, while not too anal that you’re obsessing.

The fact that you insinuated you need help in the first place bumps you up a couple of points, as you might have a tendency to over-think things, but I do see calm waters ahead.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Post #36


  Stonehill,
  
  Help! This is my fridge. What do you think?
  
  -Sarah


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Sarah,

Something important to see in a potential partner is that they have friends of the opposite sex.  Even though When Harry Met Sally was my one of my fave flicks of all time, men and women should be friends.  (As long as one doesn’t want to shag the other’s brains out)

I’ve met those who didn’t have friends of the opposite sex and it was always a red flag.

I say this as it’s obvious that you have a stash of guy friends.  Why?  Cause I can’t imagine the PBR, IPA, hot sauce and Big 3 BBQ condiments (Mayo, Mustard and Ketchup) are all for your girls when they come over to watch reruns of Sex and the City.

Now, we all have to believe in something.   I believe in Stereotypes.  No offense to God, the constitution or the iPhone.  The world is just too damn complicated and stereotypes can make the chaos a bit less chaotic.

When it comes to women, no stereotype reveals more about a woman than ‘The Girl Next Door’.  We all have that image pop into our mind.  Whether it’s Amy Adams, Winnie Cooper, or that chick from Father of the Bride, what’s so special about this girl is no matter how butt-ugly a guy is, he feels like he has shot with her.

And that is special.  That says something about they type of person The GND is.  Cute, but not hot.   Bright, but you can actually understand what she’s saying.   Charming, yet humble.  Talented, yet still a team player.  And possesses confidence, yet has a healthy dose of vulnerability.

If a guy is not a total douche, this is a girl he roots for.  This is the first girl we fell in love as boys.  Yet, takes us the longest to appreciate as men.

And this is a GND fridge.  As I listed above, you have plenty of supplies to make a guy feel at home.  Yet there’s a wholesome side to you as well.  All 4 food groups are represented, and though you have food and drink to have fun, you also eat healthy.

You have an impressive lineup of fruits, veggies, Greek yogurt, hummus and you even have Cuties, which fall under the ‘cute’ food category.

Healthy is vital when it comes to dating.  You often hear  ‘check out her mom to see what she’ll look like in 20 years.’  I say check out her fridge.

On the wholesome front, you’re looking out for the environment.   You have a Brita, so you’re not chucking plastic and you’re buying organic, thus a pal of Mother Earth.

On the dating front, it’s important to be prepared and you are.   If we’re hosting a date, we need drinks on standby and bing, you got Grey Goose and Absolut in your freezer.

I also like that you’re about brunch, which is a nice Continuation Date if a dude stays over.  You got bagels, cream cheese and lox, plus Coffeemate, which tells me you brew your own coffee.

Now, on the help front, you don’t need much, but it is time to move beyond the mini bottles.  Though I love that you have champagne, you’re a grownup so step up to a grownup bottle.  (The Cuties is about all the cute shit I can handle)  Your Absolut can use a growth spurt as well.

Lastly, I’m glad to see you eat meat.  Though nothing is universal, red meat and rogering often go hand-in-hand.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6
This is a fridge that can keep a guy around, whether it’s for dinner, drinks or breakfast come morning.  As I often say when it comes to GNDs, your many amigos have probably advised you that it’s not the best strategy to shag on the first date, partly out of protection, partly due to wisdom.

The 2nd date…the world is your oyster.

Marriage: 8
I like that you splurge at Gelson’s when needed and save your scheckles at Trader Joe’s when you can.  That shows a nice balance and life is a balancing act.

In addition, you’re active, healthy, clean, fun, drink beer, eat meat and give a shit about more than yourself.  To me, that spells winner.

Boil Your Bunny: 2
You haven’t set off any of my Bunny Boiler motion detectors.  Your fridge is neat and organized enough to have your shit together, while not too anal that you’re obsessing.

The fact that you insinuated you need help in the first place bumps you up a couple of points, as you might have a tendency to over-think things, but I do see calm waters ahead.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Post #36

Stonehill,

Help! This is my fridge. What do you think?

-Sarah

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Sarah,

Something important to see in a potential partner is that they have friends of the opposite sex. Even though When Harry Met Sally was my one of my fave flicks of all time, men and women should be friends. (As long as one doesn’t want to shag the other’s brains out)

I’ve met those who didn’t have friends of the opposite sex and it was always a red flag.

I say this as it’s obvious that you have a stash of guy friends. Why? Cause I can’t imagine the PBR, IPA, hot sauce and Big 3 BBQ condiments (Mayo, Mustard and Ketchup) are all for your girls when they come over to watch reruns of Sex and the City.

Now, we all have to believe in something. I believe in Stereotypes. No offense to God, the constitution or the iPhone. The world is just too damn complicated and stereotypes can make the chaos a bit less chaotic.

When it comes to women, no stereotype reveals more about a woman than ‘The Girl Next Door’. We all have that image pop into our mind. Whether it’s Amy Adams, Winnie Cooper, or that chick from Father of the Bride, what’s so special about this girl is no matter how butt-ugly a guy is, he feels like he has shot with her.

And that is special. That says something about they type of person The GND is. Cute, but not hot. Bright, but you can actually understand what she’s saying. Charming, yet humble. Talented, yet still a team player. And possesses confidence, yet has a healthy dose of vulnerability.

If a guy is not a total douche, this is a girl he roots for. This is the first girl we fell in love as boys. Yet, takes us the longest to appreciate as men.

And this is a GND fridge. As I listed above, you have plenty of supplies to make a guy feel at home. Yet there’s a wholesome side to you as well. All 4 food groups are represented, and though you have food and drink to have fun, you also eat healthy.

You have an impressive lineup of fruits, veggies, Greek yogurt, hummus and you even have Cuties, which fall under the ‘cute’ food category.

Healthy is vital when it comes to dating. You often hear ‘check out her mom to see what she’ll look like in 20 years.’ I say check out her fridge.

On the wholesome front, you’re looking out for the environment. You have a Brita, so you’re not chucking plastic and you’re buying organic, thus a pal of Mother Earth.

On the dating front, it’s important to be prepared and you are. If we’re hosting a date, we need drinks on standby and bing, you got Grey Goose and Absolut in your freezer.

I also like that you’re about brunch, which is a nice Continuation Date if a dude stays over. You got bagels, cream cheese and lox, plus Coffeemate, which tells me you brew your own coffee.

Now, on the help front, you don’t need much, but it is time to move beyond the mini bottles. Though I love that you have champagne, you’re a grownup so step up to a grownup bottle. (The Cuties is about all the cute shit I can handle) Your Absolut can use a growth spurt as well.

Lastly, I’m glad to see you eat meat. Though nothing is universal, red meat and rogering often go hand-in-hand.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6
This is a fridge that can keep a guy around, whether it’s for dinner, drinks or breakfast come morning. As I often say when it comes to GNDs, your many amigos have probably advised you that it’s not the best strategy to shag on the first date, partly out of protection, partly due to wisdom.

The 2nd date…the world is your oyster.

Marriage: 8
I like that you splurge at Gelson’s when needed and save your scheckles at Trader Joe’s when you can. That shows a nice balance and life is a balancing act.

In addition, you’re active, healthy, clean, fun, drink beer, eat meat and give a shit about more than yourself. To me, that spells winner.

Boil Your Bunny: 2
You haven’t set off any of my Bunny Boiler motion detectors. Your fridge is neat and organized enough to have your shit together, while not too anal that you’re obsessing.

The fact that you insinuated you need help in the first place bumps you up a couple of points, as you might have a tendency to over-think things, but I do see calm waters ahead.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, Love, Dating, Relationships, Advice,

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