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Check their Fridge

A Dating Guide

Prologue: Winter 1998

We’ve all been there: on a date when we get that first invitation back to their apartment. Considering I made out with Haley in the street on our last date, one thing was certain: tonight I was going to see her topless.

Factoring that in with her preppy looks, her Princeton education and her Jewish background, I guesstimated that I had a 50% chance of sex-sex and a 40% chance of something even more personal to women than sex-sex: oral sex ... Read More

Fridge Analysis


  While in the UK, I met with Vicky, the online editor of TNT Magazine, who wanted to know what her fridge revealed about her dating life.
  
  In one word, plenty…


Stonehill Analysis

When we hit it off with members of the opposite sex, there are two roads it can lead: Saucy Town and the Friendship Tip.

As we’ve all visited both camps, we all know that both have led to wonderful relationships.  Yes, When Harry Met Sally is one of my all-time fave flicks, but I truly believe men and women can be friends.

I make this point as we’ll be friends with a much higher percentage of people we meet than those we get intimate with.  When I look at Vicky’s fridge, if we were both single, that’s what I see…us as bosom buddies, but nothing more.

Why?  It’s a good bet she’s a vegetarian whereas I don’t think I’ve had a meal in my life that didn’t have one ingredient that was once living.  Dating is a team sport and compromise is required on many fronts in all relationships, but there are certain eating habits that are hard to mesh.

Pescatarian and carnivore, yes.  Vegetarian and the opposite of vegetarian, very tough.

Now, diving into Vicky’s fridge lets see what we can learn and map out a good match for her…

1. She has starter fridge

So there’s a good chance she’s starting out, or at least in the early part of career.  I say starter fridge, as it’s a counter model that doesn’t reach much higher than my kneecap.

As I assume Vicky is in the early part of her career, she’s probably in her 20’s.  Thus, a dude in his 20’s or early 30’s would be a good match.  (Unless she’s got daddy issues, then we can expand to a Downton Abby age differential, but that’s not the vibe I get)

2. Geographically desirable?

Sometimes it’s fun to find geo-hints of where a fridge owner lives.  For Vicky, it’s obvious she lives in the UK.  She’s got a Union Jack holding her strawberries, and as Britain is neither known as the spinach capital of the world, nor a place known for exporting Popeye’s favorite snack, her ‘British Spinach’ cements she’s in the motherland.

Every day, love does conquer all.  It’s what movies are made of.  But life’s not a movie and most successful relationships have the odds in their favor.  I bring this up as the odds are Vicky will end up with a dude living in the UK as well.  Long distance relationship can and do work, it’s just a tougher road.

3. Something’s cookin’

I see signs Vicky is a bit of a foodie, and likes to cook.  A good match doesn’t need to equal her culinary skills, but he does need to appreciate them.  I never met a chef who enjoyed cooking for an unappreciated customer.  Vicky has sundried tomatoes, not an item normally served on its own, and more often an ingredient.

She also has Madras paste along with Sweet Chutney, both primarily building blocks to a tasty dish.  A great Vicky dating move would invite him over for dinner, he brings the wine, and Vicky makes the meal.  There’s a reason we see this in endless romantic comedies…cause it works.

Now Vicky either bakes or loves breakfast, because if she had any more eggs, she’d be running a B&B.  With the vat of margarine, the chances she bakes goes up.  I love ladies who bake, it’s a nurturing quality, and as we all know, the best path to a man’s heart is through his stomach.   (If you don’t know the 2nd best path, email me)

4. Hectic schedule

Vicky’s life seems to be a bit chaotic at the moment.  Her fridge is by no means a disaster, and I don’t get the wackypack vibe from her, but it is a tad messy.  That, along with that schmutz collecting on the bottom tells me she’s not a neatfreak and her schedule has been demanding lately.

As Vicky is busy building a career, a good match for her will have to be supportive of that.  And of course, not a dude who’s immaculate.

5. Well-Rounded

Everything in moderation and Vicky is the epitome of this.

She truly is a diverse chica that doesn’t like to be pigeonholed…plenty of healthy food for a foxy figure and some fun junk food to blow off some steam.

As mom taught us, a healthy diet + exercise = 1 bodacious body.

Vicy’s got spinach, Soy milk, OJ (also good for when guys are over, we love OJ), fruits and veggies.  If you can’t put your best foot forward when you’re single, you’ll probably look even worse when you’re married.  Vicky is clearly making an effort.

I also like to see she has some date-ready items.  To assist her hosting duties, she has salsa, which is great to throw out with some chips, and pizza in case she and her dude have a case of the late night munchies.

Plus, she has milk…if it’s to brew coffee in the morning, that’s another smart move.  Smell is the most under-rated of the 5 senses on the dating front.  To wake up your date with the smell of breakfast and fresh brewed coffee is killer.  Vicky has all the tools to do so.

Final Thoughts

Nothing is 100% right and wrong when it comes to dating.  (Unless we’re talking Oscar Pictorious, of course)  Just what’s right and wrong for us.

Vicky clearly has a lot going for her, the question is who’s the best fit?

One thing to note is I don’t see any booze.  It might be kept elsewhere, but if you don’t drink, that’ll impact your dating as most dates revolve around eating and drinking.

It also appears Vicky has a cat.  Personally, I don’t mind them the way some people do.  She obviously won’t be a good fit with a cat-hater and overall, it’s important that she’s not the type who loves her pet more than her partner.

Overall, I get the vibe that Vicky is fun, with a sprinkle of cool, loving, nurturing and sassy, with just the right dash of crazy mixed in.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4.5
Any girl who has zero booze in her fridge has a less than average shot of shagging on the 1st date.  This is not a positive or negative, it’s just booze has greased the rails to many memorable mistakes for generations.

Marry: 7
She has qualities that are great for a life partner.  She cooks and bakes, which shows a nurturing quality and a sense of domestication.  She also has some fun shareable food in there, and can play host, another positive.

Personally, I’d like to see some booze and beef in there, but as they said in Some Like it Hot, nobdy’s perfect ☺.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3.5
With the schmtuz on the bottom shelf, it does raise her odds of crazy.  That along with her disheveled fridge door (and the fact that like Glenn Close, she has a cat) might not bring her up to red alert, but does bump her up the scale a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  While in the UK, I met with Vicky, the online editor of TNT Magazine, who wanted to know what her fridge revealed about her dating life.
  
  In one word, plenty…


Stonehill Analysis

When we hit it off with members of the opposite sex, there are two roads it can lead: Saucy Town and the Friendship Tip.

As we’ve all visited both camps, we all know that both have led to wonderful relationships.  Yes, When Harry Met Sally is one of my all-time fave flicks, but I truly believe men and women can be friends.

I make this point as we’ll be friends with a much higher percentage of people we meet than those we get intimate with.  When I look at Vicky’s fridge, if we were both single, that’s what I see…us as bosom buddies, but nothing more.

Why?  It’s a good bet she’s a vegetarian whereas I don’t think I’ve had a meal in my life that didn’t have one ingredient that was once living.  Dating is a team sport and compromise is required on many fronts in all relationships, but there are certain eating habits that are hard to mesh.

Pescatarian and carnivore, yes.  Vegetarian and the opposite of vegetarian, very tough.

Now, diving into Vicky’s fridge lets see what we can learn and map out a good match for her…

1. She has starter fridge

So there’s a good chance she’s starting out, or at least in the early part of career.  I say starter fridge, as it’s a counter model that doesn’t reach much higher than my kneecap.

As I assume Vicky is in the early part of her career, she’s probably in her 20’s.  Thus, a dude in his 20’s or early 30’s would be a good match.  (Unless she’s got daddy issues, then we can expand to a Downton Abby age differential, but that’s not the vibe I get)

2. Geographically desirable?

Sometimes it’s fun to find geo-hints of where a fridge owner lives.  For Vicky, it’s obvious she lives in the UK.  She’s got a Union Jack holding her strawberries, and as Britain is neither known as the spinach capital of the world, nor a place known for exporting Popeye’s favorite snack, her ‘British Spinach’ cements she’s in the motherland.

Every day, love does conquer all.  It’s what movies are made of.  But life’s not a movie and most successful relationships have the odds in their favor.  I bring this up as the odds are Vicky will end up with a dude living in the UK as well.  Long distance relationship can and do work, it’s just a tougher road.

3. Something’s cookin’

I see signs Vicky is a bit of a foodie, and likes to cook.  A good match doesn’t need to equal her culinary skills, but he does need to appreciate them.  I never met a chef who enjoyed cooking for an unappreciated customer.  Vicky has sundried tomatoes, not an item normally served on its own, and more often an ingredient.

She also has Madras paste along with Sweet Chutney, both primarily building blocks to a tasty dish.  A great Vicky dating move would invite him over for dinner, he brings the wine, and Vicky makes the meal.  There’s a reason we see this in endless romantic comedies…cause it works.

Now Vicky either bakes or loves breakfast, because if she had any more eggs, she’d be running a B&B.  With the vat of margarine, the chances she bakes goes up.  I love ladies who bake, it’s a nurturing quality, and as we all know, the best path to a man’s heart is through his stomach.   (If you don’t know the 2nd best path, email me)

4. Hectic schedule

Vicky’s life seems to be a bit chaotic at the moment.  Her fridge is by no means a disaster, and I don’t get the wackypack vibe from her, but it is a tad messy.  That, along with that schmutz collecting on the bottom tells me she’s not a neatfreak and her schedule has been demanding lately.

As Vicky is busy building a career, a good match for her will have to be supportive of that.  And of course, not a dude who’s immaculate.

5. Well-Rounded

Everything in moderation and Vicky is the epitome of this.

She truly is a diverse chica that doesn’t like to be pigeonholed…plenty of healthy food for a foxy figure and some fun junk food to blow off some steam.

As mom taught us, a healthy diet + exercise = 1 bodacious body.

Vicy’s got spinach, Soy milk, OJ (also good for when guys are over, we love OJ), fruits and veggies.  If you can’t put your best foot forward when you’re single, you’ll probably look even worse when you’re married.  Vicky is clearly making an effort.

I also like to see she has some date-ready items.  To assist her hosting duties, she has salsa, which is great to throw out with some chips, and pizza in case she and her dude have a case of the late night munchies.

Plus, she has milk…if it’s to brew coffee in the morning, that’s another smart move.  Smell is the most under-rated of the 5 senses on the dating front.  To wake up your date with the smell of breakfast and fresh brewed coffee is killer.  Vicky has all the tools to do so.

Final Thoughts

Nothing is 100% right and wrong when it comes to dating.  (Unless we’re talking Oscar Pictorious, of course)  Just what’s right and wrong for us.

Vicky clearly has a lot going for her, the question is who’s the best fit?

One thing to note is I don’t see any booze.  It might be kept elsewhere, but if you don’t drink, that’ll impact your dating as most dates revolve around eating and drinking.

It also appears Vicky has a cat.  Personally, I don’t mind them the way some people do.  She obviously won’t be a good fit with a cat-hater and overall, it’s important that she’s not the type who loves her pet more than her partner.

Overall, I get the vibe that Vicky is fun, with a sprinkle of cool, loving, nurturing and sassy, with just the right dash of crazy mixed in.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4.5
Any girl who has zero booze in her fridge has a less than average shot of shagging on the 1st date.  This is not a positive or negative, it’s just booze has greased the rails to many memorable mistakes for generations.

Marry: 7
She has qualities that are great for a life partner.  She cooks and bakes, which shows a nurturing quality and a sense of domestication.  She also has some fun shareable food in there, and can play host, another positive.

Personally, I’d like to see some booze and beef in there, but as they said in Some Like it Hot, nobdy’s perfect ☺.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3.5
With the schmtuz on the bottom shelf, it does raise her odds of crazy.  That along with her disheveled fridge door (and the fact that like Glenn Close, she has a cat) might not bring her up to red alert, but does bump her up the scale a bit.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

While in the UK, I met with Vicky, the online editor of TNT Magazine, who wanted to know what her fridge revealed about her dating life.

In one word, plenty…

Stonehill Analysis

When we hit it off with members of the opposite sex, there are two roads it can lead: Saucy Town and the Friendship Tip.

As we’ve all visited both camps, we all know that both have led to wonderful relationships. Yes, When Harry Met Sally is one of my all-time fave flicks, but I truly believe men and women can be friends.

I make this point as we’ll be friends with a much higher percentage of people we meet than those we get intimate with. When I look at Vicky’s fridge, if we were both single, that’s what I see…us as bosom buddies, but nothing more.

Why? It’s a good bet she’s a vegetarian whereas I don’t think I’ve had a meal in my life that didn’t have one ingredient that was once living. Dating is a team sport and compromise is required on many fronts in all relationships, but there are certain eating habits that are hard to mesh.

Pescatarian and carnivore, yes. Vegetarian and the opposite of vegetarian, very tough.

Now, diving into Vicky’s fridge lets see what we can learn and map out a good match for her…

1. She has starter fridge

So there’s a good chance she’s starting out, or at least in the early part of career. I say starter fridge, as it’s a counter model that doesn’t reach much higher than my kneecap.

As I assume Vicky is in the early part of her career, she’s probably in her 20’s. Thus, a dude in his 20’s or early 30’s would be a good match. (Unless she’s got daddy issues, then we can expand to a Downton Abby age differential, but that’s not the vibe I get)

2. Geographically desirable?

Sometimes it’s fun to find geo-hints of where a fridge owner lives. For Vicky, it’s obvious she lives in the UK. She’s got a Union Jack holding her strawberries, and as Britain is neither known as the spinach capital of the world, nor a place known for exporting Popeye’s favorite snack, her ‘British Spinach’ cements she’s in the motherland.

Every day, love does conquer all. It’s what movies are made of. But life’s not a movie and most successful relationships have the odds in their favor. I bring this up as the odds are Vicky will end up with a dude living in the UK as well. Long distance relationship can and do work, it’s just a tougher road.

3. Something’s cookin’

I see signs Vicky is a bit of a foodie, and likes to cook. A good match doesn’t need to equal her culinary skills, but he does need to appreciate them. I never met a chef who enjoyed cooking for an unappreciated customer. Vicky has sundried tomatoes, not an item normally served on its own, and more often an ingredient.

She also has Madras paste along with Sweet Chutney, both primarily building blocks to a tasty dish. A great Vicky dating move would invite him over for dinner, he brings the wine, and Vicky makes the meal. There’s a reason we see this in endless romantic comedies…cause it works.

Now Vicky either bakes or loves breakfast, because if she had any more eggs, she’d be running a B&B. With the vat of margarine, the chances she bakes goes up. I love ladies who bake, it’s a nurturing quality, and as we all know, the best path to a man’s heart is through his stomach. (If you don’t know the 2nd best path, email me)

4. Hectic schedule

Vicky’s life seems to be a bit chaotic at the moment. Her fridge is by no means a disaster, and I don’t get the wackypack vibe from her, but it is a tad messy. That, along with that schmutz collecting on the bottom tells me she’s not a neatfreak and her schedule has been demanding lately.

As Vicky is busy building a career, a good match for her will have to be supportive of that. And of course, not a dude who’s immaculate.

5. Well-Rounded

Everything in moderation and Vicky is the epitome of this.

She truly is a diverse chica that doesn’t like to be pigeonholed…plenty of healthy food for a foxy figure and some fun junk food to blow off some steam.

As mom taught us, a healthy diet + exercise = 1 bodacious body.

Vicy’s got spinach, Soy milk, OJ (also good for when guys are over, we love OJ), fruits and veggies. If you can’t put your best foot forward when you’re single, you’ll probably look even worse when you’re married. Vicky is clearly making an effort.

I also like to see she has some date-ready items. To assist her hosting duties, she has salsa, which is great to throw out with some chips, and pizza in case she and her dude have a case of the late night munchies.

Plus, she has milk…if it’s to brew coffee in the morning, that’s another smart move. Smell is the most under-rated of the 5 senses on the dating front. To wake up your date with the smell of breakfast and fresh brewed coffee is killer. Vicky has all the tools to do so.

Final Thoughts

Nothing is 100% right and wrong when it comes to dating. (Unless we’re talking Oscar Pictorious, of course) Just what’s right and wrong for us.

Vicky clearly has a lot going for her, the question is who’s the best fit?

One thing to note is I don’t see any booze. It might be kept elsewhere, but if you don’t drink, that’ll impact your dating as most dates revolve around eating and drinking.

It also appears Vicky has a cat. Personally, I don’t mind them the way some people do. She obviously won’t be a good fit with a cat-hater and overall, it’s important that she’s not the type who loves her pet more than her partner.

Overall, I get the vibe that Vicky is fun, with a sprinkle of cool, loving, nurturing and sassy, with just the right dash of crazy mixed in.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4.5
Any girl who has zero booze in her fridge has a less than average shot of shagging on the 1st date. This is not a positive or negative, it’s just booze has greased the rails to many memorable mistakes for generations.

Marry: 7
She has qualities that are great for a life partner. She cooks and bakes, which shows a nurturing quality and a sense of domestication. She also has some fun shareable food in there, and can play host, another positive.

Personally, I’d like to see some booze and beef in there, but as they said in Some Like it Hot, nobdy’s perfect ☺.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3.5
With the schmtuz on the bottom shelf, it does raise her odds of crazy. That along with her disheveled fridge door (and the fact that like Glenn Close, she has a cat) might not bring her up to red alert, but does bump her up the scale a bit.

6Medium, Female, Maybebang, Dating, Relationships, Refrigerator, Food, Drink, Cocktails, Insight, Advice, Quote, Funny, Humor,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I have been out with with this girl a few times and finally managed to get a shot of her fridge. I was only able to get this shot, without her catching me. She is a MILF who is going through a divorce, the jury is still out on the level of her craziness so I am hoping you can shed some light on it for me. Should I be running yet? Thanks for the help, bro!

-Brad

Stonehill Analysis

Brad,

Right off the bat, I’m excited for you. (And your penis) If this MILF is going through a divorce, she wants nothing more than to rock your world, and further justify that whatever problems she had in her marriage, it was her husband’s fault and he was a total dick.

So don’t run yet. At least not til she bangs you so much, you can’t run, just limp.

Now lets see what else our first MILF fridge tells us…

Even if she drinks beer, there’s enough here that she clearly wants to make her guy comfy. She even bought a variety pack to cover all the bases, from lager to stout. (Smart chick :) Plus, I’m making the assumption that her kids are not drinking age: if she was knocked up as a teenager, her fridge would probably be held together with duck tape.

Her fridge also tells me that she’s doing okay financially, and looking for better things from you than money. This is backed up by the fact that she’s buying only name brands: Philadelphia, Kraft, Silk and French’s are all Stonehill-approved: (though I’m a Gulden’s man myself).

One red flag is on the 3rd shelf from the bottom…is that a freakin’ wine box?? If so, that reinforces you’re in for a sprint, not a marathon. The women I know don’t drink their wine from cardboard. I mean, 2-Buck Chuck comes in a bottle. You’re clearly not dealing with a culture queen here.

Now, with a kid in the house, there’s a serious lack of quality kid food. I mean, where’s the Hawaiian Punch? The Smuckers Jelly? The Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, the Log Cabin??? This MILF seems way uptight with her kid, which brings her up to Level 3 on the Wackpack Warning System.

This is crap news for Junior, but great news for you…uptight, conservative women are the biggest freaks in the bedroom. Scientific fact.

If you meet her kid, sneak him a box of Twinkies, and tell’m to hide it under his bed. That way, he’s on your side, and has another excuse to stay in his room and away from his mom’s door when she bangs you.

So set up camp and rest well tonight soldier. You have long battles ahead. And rest you must. You and your cavalry are going to need it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 9.9
I don’t believe in 10’s, but this is a slam dunk on a 6 foot hoop. She needs to cure I’ll-Never-Get-Laid-Again syndrome and anything short of a seizure won’t blow this one.

Marry: 0.1
The poor girl is going through a divorce, don’t even think about it. And as she’s practically thinking like a guy right now, that’s the last thing on her mind.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
She’s got bigger bunnies to boil, starting with her ex-husband’s.

6Medium, Female, Mustbang, Dating, Relationship, Marriage, Love, Advice, Funny, Insight, Humor, Refridgerator, Food, Drinks,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’ve been on 3 dates with Katie. I’m already getting an idea if this will go anywhere, but curious what you get from her Fridge.

Cheers,

-Ben

Stonehill Analysis

Ben, I can’t say Katie is a layup, but I can say she’s got potential.

She’s got multiple beer brands, Jello Pudding, Cinnamon Roll dough and quality OJ. That tells me one thing: Girl Next Door. And though it takes us decades to appreciate sweet ol’ Betty over clambake Veronica, sooner or later, we come to learn that GNDs are eight shades of awesome.

I’d assume she has multiple beer brands because she has multiple guy friends and aims to keep them happy. That’s a good thing. A girl who gets along well with men is a plus. The key is that she’s not afraid to disappoint her guy friends by having someone more important enter her life. Guys are often protective of their wing-women and a GND needs to draw boundaries between her buddies and her banging.

She does seem to be early on in her career as she’s clearly working, but not pulling in the big bucks. She does have name bands, but nothing upscale, except maybe her OJ as it’s not from concentrate. (For the record, Tropicana and Simply Orange are way better than Florida’s Natural).

There’s also nothing in her fridge that reveals she’s environmentally conscious except for the water pitcher, so I have to assume that’s to save dinero. And the salsa and dips are probably for a stash of chips in the cupboard. You know what that means? She likes football. (Giggidy-giggidy)

You could have a quality partner in crime here. But be aware of her boys and don’t try to win them over. No one likes an ass licker. Just sit back and lets it develop over time. If you’re not a douche, they’ll come around. Sooner or later.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 5
It’s middle of the road, cause she’s crossed on this front. She’s comfortable around men, took you home and obviously likes you. But at the same time, her boys have told her repeatedly that shagging a guy on the first date is poor dating strategy.

Marry: 7
I see upside here. Roadblocks could be an awkward attachment to her guy friends and she eats too much of her fridge stash. That or if she’s over 30, she might have a case of Peter Pan syndrome.

Boil your Bunny: 3
Though we all have our breaking point, I can’t see a girl who caught wild bunnies as a kid growing up to boil them.

6Medium, Dating, Female, Mustbang, Relationships, Love, Food, Cocktails, Drinks, Beer, Humor,

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I have been out with with this girl a few times and finally managed to get a shot of her fridge. I was only able to get this shot, without her catching me. She is a MILF who is going through a divorce, the jury is still out on the level of her craziness so I am hoping you can shed some light on it for me. Should I be running yet? Thanks for the help, bro!

-Brad

Stonehill Analysis

Brad,

Right off the bat, I’m excited for you. (And your penis) If this MILF is going through a divorce, she wants nothing more than to rock your world, and further justify that whatever problems she had in her marriage, it was her husband’s fault and he was a total dick.

So don’t run yet. At least not til she shags you so much, you can’t run, just limp.

Now lets see what else our MILF fridge tells us…

Even if she drinks beer, there’s enough here that she clearly wants to make her guy comfy. She even bought a variety pack to cover all the bases, from lager to stout. (Smart chick :) Plus, I’m making the assumption that her kids are not drinking age: if she was knocked up as a teenager, her fridge would probably be held together with duck tape.

Her fridge also tells me that she’s doing okay financially, and looking for better things from you than money. This is backed up by the fact that she’s buying only name brands: Philadelphia, Kraft, Silk and French’s are all Stonehill-approved: (though I’m a Gulden’s man myself).

One red flag is on the 3rd shelf from the bottom…is that a freakin’ wine box?? If so, that reinforces you’re in for a sprint, not a marathon. The women I know don’t drink their wine from cardboard. I mean, 2-Buck Chuck comes in a bottle. You’re clearly not dealing with a culture queen here.

Now, with a kid in the house, there’s a serious lack of quality kid food. I mean, where’s the Hawaiian Punch? The Smuckers Jelly? The Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, the Log Cabin??? This MILF seems way uptight with her kid, which brings her up to Level 3 on the Wackpack Warning System.

This is crap news for Junior, but great news for you…uptight, conservative women are the biggest freaks in the bedroom. Scientific fact.

If you meet her kid, sneak him a box of Twinkies, and tell’m to hide it under his bed. That way, he’s on your side, and has another excuse to stay in his room and away from his mom’s door when you shag her.

So set up camp and rest well tonight soldier. You have long battles ahead. And rest you must. You and your cavalry are going to need it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 9.9
I don’t believe in 10’s, but this is a slam dunk on a 6 foot hoop. She needs to cure I’ll-Never-Get-Laid-Again syndrome and anything short of a seizure won’t blow this one.

Marry: 0.1
The poor girl is going through a divorce, don’t even think about it. And as she’s practically thinking like a guy right now, that’s the last thing on her mind.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 3
She’s got bigger bunnies to boil, starting with her ex-husband’s.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, Dating, Love, Relationships, MILF, Food, Drink, Humor, Funny, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Here’s my fridge…mostly fruit, vegetables, and eggs. I eat a lot of salads because I don’t often cook and I don’t like leftovers. I did, however, make super hot New Mexico green chile sauce from scratch.
  
  Champagne is from hosting an event and the beer helps me paint. I can whip up tasty shrimp spring rolls or sushi, but no seafood now.  Since I stopped buying ice cream and dairy, I discovered Redd-wip. Gwyneth Paltrow may think that cheese from a can is not as tasty as crack, but I’d have to disagree.  I think it’s pretty tasty, that’s why Cheez Wiz and Brie are not in my fridge.
  
  I await your verdict!
  
  -Janell


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Janelle,

We all have our type.  Some of us love the Girl Next Door.  Some love the Bad Boy.  Some dig the Mr. Big.

What makes life a bit more complicated is that most of us are more than just one type.  We overlap, with different character traits from different archetypes.

And though it’s annoying when life is not as simple as we want it to be, it does make it more interesting.  And Janell, you’re one interesting lady.  Out of my 12 lady archetypes, you seem to be an Urban Sophisticate with a sprinkle of the Girl Next Door and Arty Hipster.

Lets break down each one:

The Urban Sophisticate

First off, you have champers, the cornerstone of any Urban Sophisticate refrigerator.  It’s an adult beverage about celebration and enjoying the moment, something we can all do a bit more of.  It’s also one of those drinks that we truly appreciate more as we get older.

The fact that you’re hosting events places you safely in this category.  Most of us host friends over, but an event is a whole other story.  The fact your event served champers tells me it must have been knocking on the sophisticated side of town.

Now, even though you work, you can also ‘whip up’ adult favorites like shrimp rolls and sushi.  There’s a cool factor with the Urban Sophisticated.  They’re on top of trends and I get that vibe from you.

Though a willingness to feed someone can me construed as The Nurturer, I see it a bit different as you’re more about preparing a meal when the opportunity arises rather than always having a meal to make on standby.

Lastly, I like that you have Brooklyn Lager.  It’s a quality beer, Brooklyn is where the ‘cool kids’ now live and you can offer more than one drink choice.  Which leads us to…

The Girl Next Door

GND’s drink beer.  They have to, as they usually have a healthy stable of male friends.  And any girl who finds cheez whiz tastier than crack is the kind of chick that guys love hanging out with.  (And secretly fawn over)

Now, I can’t say you’re pure, but it is nice to see you care for Mother Earth and have a Brita filter on standby.  I also find GND’s can whip up comfy food and your homemade green chili sauce hits the bull’s-eye.

Plus, GND’s are usually active and have bodacious booties.  You’re eating very healthy with fruits, veggies, sushi, salad and almond milk.  It’s unusual for someone to eat this healthy and not be active.  Thus, the odds that said bootie = bodacious is quite high.

The Arty Hipster

The arty part is a layup as you paint.  The fact that you make the above dishes from scratch cements it.

Now, I’m not sure if your cease and desist order on dairy is for health or moral reasons, but that combined with no beef or chicken is an arty hipster move.  (You also seem too witty and less spiritual to be the Vegan Yoga Gal)

The Arty Hipster usually doesn’t have a ton of money and from your fridge model, you don’t seem to be rolling in Benjamins.  This is not to say you don’t have a solid career, it’s just not in Law, Medicine or on Wall Street.

You’re like an Urban Arty Girl Next Door.  And from what I see from your fridge, a girl I’d like to set up with my friends with.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
You’re busy hosting and painting, and thus, don’t have much time to waste.  With the champers and beer on standby, along with some tasty shareable munchies when needed, if you want something, I see you taking it.

Marry: 7
You have qualities I like: healthy, a host, confident, a bodacious bod, and you drink.

One concern is artists are often wackypack, which is great for sex, but not for marriage.  I’m glad to see with your hosting, culinary skills, social life and GND-ness, you reach beyond that.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
As you paint, you’re automatically bumped up to yellow alert.  (It might be a glitch in the Fridge Dating Scorecard software)

I do like to see your fridge is clean and organized, a good sign of sanity.   Plus, as you take relatively good care of your produce (bananas in the fridge aside), it puts me at ease a bit.

I’d feel comfy with a pet bunny around you, I probably just wouldn’t buy you one.
ZoomInfo
Camera
iPad
ISO
80
Aperture
f/2.4
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
4mm

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Here’s my fridge…mostly fruit, vegetables, and eggs. I eat a lot of salads because I don’t often cook and I don’t like leftovers. I did, however, make super hot New Mexico green chile sauce from scratch.

Champagne is from hosting an event and the beer helps me paint. I can whip up tasty shrimp spring rolls or sushi, but no seafood now. Since I stopped buying ice cream and dairy, I discovered Redd-wip. Gwyneth Paltrow may think that cheese from a can is not as tasty as crack, but I’d have to disagree. I think it’s pretty tasty, that’s why Cheez Wiz and Brie are not in my fridge.

I await your verdict!

-Janell

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Janelle,

We all have our type. Some of us love the Girl Next Door. Some love the Bad Boy. Some dig the Mr. Big.

What makes life a bit more complicated is that most of us are more than just one type. We overlap, with different character traits from different archetypes.

And though it’s annoying when life is not as simple as we want it to be, it does make it more interesting. And Janell, you’re one interesting lady. Out of my 12 lady archetypes, you seem to be an Urban Sophisticate with a sprinkle of the Girl Next Door and Arty Hipster.

Lets break down each one:

The Urban Sophisticate

First off, you have champers, the cornerstone of any Urban Sophisticate refrigerator. It’s an adult beverage about celebration and enjoying the moment, something we can all do a bit more of. It’s also one of those drinks that we truly appreciate more as we get older.

The fact that you’re hosting events places you safely in this category. Most of us host friends over, but an event is a whole other story. The fact your event served champers tells me it must have been knocking on the sophisticated side of town.

Now, even though you work, you can also ‘whip up’ adult favorites like shrimp rolls and sushi. There’s a cool factor with the Urban Sophisticated. They’re on top of trends and I get that vibe from you.

Though a willingness to feed someone can me construed as The Nurturer, I see it a bit different as you’re more about preparing a meal when the opportunity arises rather than always having a meal to make on standby.

Lastly, I like that you have Brooklyn Lager. It’s a quality beer, Brooklyn is where the ‘cool kids’ now live and you can offer more than one drink choice. Which leads us to…

The Girl Next Door

GND’s drink beer. They have to, as they usually have a healthy stable of male friends. And any girl who finds cheez whiz tastier than crack is the kind of chick that guys love hanging out with. (And secretly fawn over)

Now, I can’t say you’re pure, but it is nice to see you care for Mother Earth and have a Brita filter on standby. I also find GND’s can whip up comfy food and your homemade green chili sauce hits the bull’s-eye.

Plus, GND’s are usually active and have bodacious booties. You’re eating very healthy with fruits, veggies, sushi, salad and almond milk. It’s unusual for someone to eat this healthy and not be active. Thus, the odds that said bootie = bodacious is quite high.

The Arty Hipster

The arty part is a layup as you paint. The fact that you make the above dishes from scratch cements it.

Now, I’m not sure if your cease and desist order on dairy is for health or moral reasons, but that combined with no beef or chicken is an arty hipster move. (You also seem too witty and less spiritual to be the Vegan Yoga Gal)

The Arty Hipster usually doesn’t have a ton of money and from your fridge model, you don’t seem to be rolling in Benjamins. This is not to say you don’t have a solid career, it’s just not in Law, Medicine or on Wall Street.

You’re like an Urban Arty Girl Next Door. And from what I see from your fridge, a girl I’d like to set up with my friends with.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
You’re busy hosting and painting, and thus, don’t have much time to waste. With the champers and beer on standby, along with some tasty shareable munchies when needed, if you want something, I see you taking it.

Marry: 7
You have qualities I like: healthy, a host, confident, a bodacious bod, and you drink.

One concern is artists are often wackypack, which is great for sex, but not for marriage. I’m glad to see with your hosting, culinary skills, social life and GND-ness, you reach beyond that.

Sleeping with the Enemy: 4
As you paint, you’re automatically bumped up to yellow alert. (It might be a glitch in the Fridge Dating Scorecard software)

I do like to see your fridge is clean and organized, a good sign of sanity. Plus, as you take relatively good care of your produce (bananas in the fridge aside), it puts me at ease a bit.

I’d feel comfy with a pet bunny around you, I probably just wouldn’t buy you one.

6Medium, Female, Mustbang,

Fridge Analysis

Dear Stonehill,

Obsessed with your blog! What do you think of yours truly?

-Kerry

Stonehill Analysis

Lets face it…we’re all dating detectives. Some of us might judge a date by their shoes. Or their car. Or the books on their shelves. I find our fridge to be the most revealing.

Now, whatever method we choose, we need something to judge in the first place. If you judge your date by the clothes they wear, well, you need to see their clothes. It’s great if they’re naked, but a challenge if wardrobe evaluation is your thing.

I bring this up as I chose to analyze a fridge today that doesn’t give us much to work with. The owner is a woman, but we’re flying in the fog here. It’d be great if Rudolph popped in with his shiny nose to light up all the fridge contents, but Rudolph is on vaca this time of year, so we’re on our own.

And this happens to be part of life. In whatever we’re doing, we don’t always have all the info we’d like. So I thought it’d be a fun exercise to analyze what we can with only a few decipherable products.

Here’s what we know:

• The fridge has digital temperature readouts and humidity control veggie drawers. This puts her fridge above average in cost, and thus, a strong clue that her income is above average as well.

• She has a pot of leftovers in her fridge rather than putting her leftovers in Tupperware. This tells me that she’s not a neat freak, having a crazy week, or a tad lazy. Her fridge is not a mess, but it’s not organized either, so I have to assume other areas of her life are the same way. Her fridge does look clean though, so I have to assume she’s good on the hygiene front.

• She has Imperial Margarine, which tells me she’s Canadian. Holy shit Stonehill, how do you know this? Just a bit of homework. Imperial is a brand owned by Unilever and distributed in Canada, not the US.

• She has Adams Natural Peanut Butter. It’s owned by Smuckers, but it does show she’s a bit of a foodie. She has to refrigerate her peanut butter and stir it before eating, something only foodies would be willing to do.

• She has Tropicana Orange Juice. This is I like to see as it’s one of my favorite brands. It’s not from concentrate, tastes delish and stays fresh far longer than fresh squeezed. It’s also more expensive than most brands (outside of fresh squeezed), and one more clue on the income front.

• She has a stealthy stash of eggs, reinforcing that Kerry is big on Breakfast. As I don’t see other ingredients for baking or a stash of ground chuck for meatloaf, eggs for a breakfast dish is a logical conclusion.

• Kerry cooks. This one’s a layup, as she has a pot full of some mystery dish. When it comes down to it, you don’t really save much cooking if it’s only for 1 or 2 peeps. From the healthy stash of condiments, she dines on takeout too, but I get the feeling she cooks for more than just budgetary reasons.

That’s really all we got. The pic pixilates when I try to zoom in for other details. Which brings us to…

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: NA
This is a 1st for me, but as I’m unable to see so many pieces of this fridge, it’s hard for me to gauge her on the shagability front

I don’t see a ton of junk food here, but I can’t really decipher any healthy food either. Whatever shape this girl is in, what’s most important is how comfortable she is with her own body.

I also don’t see booze. She’s Canadian and with those winters, a cozy pub with a drink in your hand sounds pretty awesome. If she has alcohol, it can help nudge her to some naughtiness, but it’s a mystery.

Marry: NA
Again, it’s tough to tell. I do like the fact she has a productive career, and no one loves a fresh home cooked meal more than me. But I can’t see enough on the health and lifestyle fronts. 1 key to a successful marriage to continue putting your best foot forward (and not take your partner for granted), but I don’t have enough clues here.

Boil your Bunny: 3
There are a couple red flags, but nothing conclusive. Her middle shelf is a bit chaotic. And as we know, chaos in one’s fridge usually equals chaos in one’s life. But this fridge doesn’t reek of stalker.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Dating, Love, Romance, Marriage, Relationships, Food, Drinks, Advice, funny, Humor, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis

Dear Stonehill,

I’m newly single and starting to date again. I only over-think, like everything, so be gentle. What does my Fridge say about me? I want to put my best foot forward.

-Robin

Stonehill Analysis

Robin, first off, you have really nice melons, but we’ll get into that later. Second, never change your fridge for a guy. He’s going to figure out who you are sooner or later, so don’t waste time trying to impress him. You have no idea what he’s looking for anyway and if he doesn’t dig you being you, he can piss off.

That said, here’s what your Fridge tells me…

You’re likely a Vegan and most definitely into your career. You’re probably too busy with work to stock your fridge, and too busy to cook, thus no ingredients to make a meal. You just have snacks and they’re all fruit except for the mystery bowl at the bottom.

The fact that you shop at Whole Foods says you’re willing to pay a bit more and that you bought two melon halves already cleaned out rather than buy a whole one for less money reinforces that you’re not counting pennies.

If you are a vegan, it could go either way. Dating is a team sport and if your date is willing to accept your love of veggie-ville, you need to accept his love of the once-living. Taking turns on restaurants is the way to go. But if you think your lifestyle should now be his lifestyle, I’d advise your date to shag now-ask questions never.

You also seem to be a world traveler, always a plus. You got that thing that looks like a porcupine mated with a football. I’ve never seen it in the US, so I assume you discovered it somewhere overseas.

You’re also the environmentally conscious type as you’re on the go, yet don’t have a 12-pack of bottled water. You probably take a reusable water bottle with you, and though I can’t see the door of your fridge, a class schedule from Equinox is a good bet.

Be aware that you might make more money than your date, and have a higher stamp count on your passport. As long as you still let the guy be the guy, he should be okay with it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 7
When it comes to sex, you don’t have time to play games. You’re busy with your career and that carries over to the bedroom. As a Vegan, you’re probably into Yoga and don’t tirelessly work on that yoga-tush for nothing.

Marry: 6
You have potential Robin, but a concern is you won’t let the guy be the guy. Career women like to be in control and that bleeds into their dating. Though it constantly works against them, they often don’t see it.

Boil your Bunny: 2
You love animals, so boiling them is not your thing.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Romance, Relationships, Food, Refrigerator,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!
  
  -Caitlyn


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year.  Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century.  And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions.  Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant.  The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it.  We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential.  I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies.  But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

•   This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen.  It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front.   Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation.  What does this all mean?  Probably one tight tush.

•   You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time.  (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do).   I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

•   You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move.  You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

•   Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

•   You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

•   You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

•   No booze, a tragedy in my book.  This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign.  Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

•   This fridge ain’t guy friendly.  It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest.  It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready.  You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential.  So best of luck this dating season.  Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1.  I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food.  You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say.  Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there.  Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait.    Your fridge is clean and organized.  You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession.  Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout.  All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

Can you review my fridge? Your site is awesome!

-Caitlyn

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Caitlyn,

Opening Day was last week, one of my fave times of year. Because if you have to boil it down to one word, it’s this: potential.

Potential has encapsulated Opening Day for over a century. And on Opening Day, every team has the potential to be champions. Of course, by August, reality sets in, but in early April, every team has dreams of grandeur.

When it comes to dating, I find ‘potential’ to be equally relevant. The potential to have something is often more important than actually having it. We won’t get everything we want, but knowing we have a chance is enough to keep us going.

Now, when I look at your fridge, that’s what I see: potential. I can’t say you’re a fit for every dude out there, nor does your fridge give me the fuzzy wuzzies. But I do see enough positives (with few negatives) to conclude you’re worth going to bat for.

As there’s not much to work with, lets break down your fridge into 2 camps: Hope and Nope…

Camp Hope

• This is one of the healthier fridges I’ve seen. It’s not bursting with nutrients, but you have a healthy harem with zip-dip on the junk-food front. Fruits and Veggies are aplenty, gourmet all-natural ice tea is top shelf, and the Silk and Almond Milks are in I-formation. What does this all mean? Probably one tight tush.

• You got nibbles, if needed, for post-slap n’ tickle time. (String cheese and burritos is by no means a grand slam, but it’ll do). I can’t say this is why you bought them, but I like to see singles prepared.

• You’re big on breakfast and a tasty home-cooked one is a master move. You’re chock full of eggs, yogurt, Thomas’ English Muffins (the only brand, in my book) and with 2 milks, I have to assume 1 is for coffee and 1 for cereal.

• Your condiment lineup of ketchup, hot sauce, etc., tells me you either binge on beef, or at the very least, cater to the carnivores in your life.

• You’re environmentally conscious: Brita is your source of water when home, and you’re not chucking plastic.

• You have a nice fridge model, with digital temp control and humidity drawers: a good sign you have a productive career.

Camp Nope

• No booze, a tragedy in my book. This isn’t a tell-all you don’t drink, but normally I’d see a sign. Hopefully if you (or your date) drink, you keep your stash outside the fridge.

• This fridge ain’t guy friendly. It’s a good move to keep a six-pack of beer on hand, whether for a date or a guest. It won’t spoil anytime soon and keeps you date-ready. You can’t go wrong with Stella or Newcastle.

As I stated above, more positives than negatives, thus plenty of potential. So best of luck this dating season. Come August, I hope you’re still in it to win it.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 4
The fact that you’re actively dating and putting a fab foot forward on the healthy front tells me you’re open to Saucy Town.

The fact that you have no booze visible tells me he probably won’t round the bases on date 1. I do like that you have hummus and pita, a great shareable date food. You just need to provide a bit more backup.

Marry: 6
I don’t get a ton of insight from your fridge, so it’s hard for me to say. Most of your brands are hard to see, though Silk’s demo is college educated upscale healthy lifestyle, which provides a clue there. Again, with you I see potential, but not enough to declare a slam-dunk.

Putting your best foot forward on the physical front, plus a productive career is enough to up your score above average.

Boil your Bunny: 1
I just don’t see bunny boiler bait. Your fridge is clean and organized. You don’t hoard and I don’t see signs of obsession. Plus, you don’t have shit here to fuel a stakeout. All signs point to a chick who’s healthy headed.

6Medium, Female, Maybebang, Dating, Love, Relationships, Marriage, Refrigertor, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Advice, Insight, Funny, Humor,

Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Stonehill,
  
  I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy.  We made out, nothing more.  Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.
  
  -Ted


Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K.  (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life.  And there’s nothing wrong with this.  You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes.  She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people.  And one of them is in AA.  I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss.  (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back)  Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests.  If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much.  I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment.  Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl.  (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends.  This fridge is all about breakfast.  I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day.  (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here.  Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee.  Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae.  (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly.  You guys should both be dating other people.  As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard  (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place.  Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time.  If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something.  If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

I’ve been on a couple of dates with Amy. We made out, nothing more. Not sure where I stand at this point, but I welcome some fridge insight.

-Ted

Stonehill Analysis

Ted, something is amiss at the Circle K. (The Circle K being Amy’s Fridge)

Her fridge tells me there’s someone else in her life. And there’s nothing wrong with this. You’re clearly in the test-drive phase and she should be test-driving other dudes. She’s just spending QT in some other dude’s garage.

Lets put on our detective hats and dive into the evidence…

Clue:

A bottle of O’Douls, Corona and SKKY Vodka….

Conclusion:

They’re clearly for at least two people. And one of them is in AA. I say this as I’ve had O’Doul’s and it tastes like piss. (If I was beer, I’d sue to get my name back) Anyone who drinks it is clearly avoiding alcohol.

If it’s Amy, she’s clearly doing well in the program as she’s okay having beer and SKYY for her guests. If she was falling off the wagon, I’d imagine a shitload of better supplies than this.

Clue:

Amy’s fridge is as desolate as Gary, Indiana.

Conclusion:

She’s not home much. I assume she can’t afford to eat every meal out as her fridge doesn’t scream dinero, plus she’s got only one condiment. Speaking of, her Grey Poupon looks out of work longer than A-Rod’s suspension.

In re. to other peeps at her place, I’m guessing it’s not a roommate as her fridge is empty for one person…for two, you’re talking Chernobyl. (I considered a crash pad for flight attendants, but there are no mini bottles of the liquor and wine they’d steal off the cart)

Clue:

Eggs, Bacon, Turkey Sausage and Milk.

Conclusion:

Most of her time spent here is mornings and weekends. This fridge is all about breakfast. I get it, I live for breakfast, but there’s hardly any evidence her fridge is used the rest of day. (Speaking of breakfast, I recently tried the Egg White McMuffin, felt like I was eating an albino, but very tasty.)

Her two milks, like her beers, tell me there’s 2 people at play here. Each container is at least a half-gallon, so she’s not using one for just coffee. Plus, my grandma had osteoporosis and even she didn’t drink this much milk.

Now, the Whip Cream can be for blueberry pancakes, her Ben & Jerry’s or if she was into Varsity Blues, a good ol’ fashion boobie sundae. (I’m a Fribble man myself)

Overall, I’m not saying don’t go there, but tread lightly. You guys should both be dating other people. As long as you’re open about it, that’s all you owe each other.

Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)

Shag on first date: 6.5
She looks like she’s shacking up with someone and still took you back to her place. Considering you couldn’t get past 1st base, you might have to work on your game.

Marry: 4
There’s more to learn about this one, but most women I know don’t shag more than one dude at a time. If she’s willing to (and I assume she didn’t take you back to her place to watch HGTV), she might be the just-have-fun-with variety.

Boil your Bunny: 5.5
We’re all addicted to something. If Amy has an addiction and it ends up being you, just put a lock on your rabbit cage.

6Medium, Maybebang, Female, Love, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Food, Drinks, Cocktails, Refridgerator, Humor, Funny, Advice, Insight,

Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo
Fridge Analysis


  Hey Stonehill,
  
  Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?
  
  -Evon  (The Witty Girl)


Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too!  Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you.  I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman.  Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one.  Why?  Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’.  There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water?  Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something.   An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians.  Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
•   Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
•   Portia de Rossi
•   K.D. Lang
•   Martina Navrilatova  (My fave female tennis player)
•   Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
•   Billy Jean King
•   Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
•   Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
•   Meredith Baxter
I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies.  And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women.  Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear.   She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved.  Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy.  A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6.  It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready.  This girl is a Grade-A host.  She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks.  Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss.  Seriously.  (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual.  She’s obviously telling you this for a reason.  She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor.  I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road.  Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags.  She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard.  I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch.  We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.
ZoomInfo

Fridge Analysis

Hey Stonehill,

Just met this girl the other night, don’t know much about her yet. She’s exactly my type, red hair and tattoos plus a nice curvy body and she claims to be bisexual so I’m hoping to get her in bed soon. Anything you can tell me about her fridge?

-Evon (The Witty Girl)

Stonehill Analysis

Hey Evon,

That’s crazy, she’s my type, too! Well, not really (and I’m married), but she does sound super saucy.

I’m really glad to hear from you. I’ve had the pleasure of breaking down several gay fridges, but this is my first request for a bisexual woman. Which is long overdue, as it happens to be my favorite kind ☺.

Now, in regard to her fridge, I did some extra homework on this one. Why? Because the number one thing that sticks out to me is ‘vegetarian’. There’s always been chatter that lesbians are more likely to fall into the don’t-eat-meat category.

Does this theory hold water? Well, I can’t say it’s the Hoover Dam, but it definitely holds something. An easy answer might be that lesbians are more likely to skew to the left of center politically as do vegetarians. Diving in further, here’s a quick roll of famous vegetarian lesbians:
• Ellen Degeneris (One of my fave comedians)
• Portia de Rossi
• K.D. Lang
• Martina Navrilatova (My fave female tennis player)
• Susan B. Anthony (My favorite coin)
• Billy Jean King
• Sarah McLachlan (A fave songwriter)
• Amy Ray (Indigo Girls, love them)
• Meredith Baxter

I feel like Adam Sandler can do a follow up to his Chanukah (and who’s Jewish) song with this impressive collection of A-list ladies. And though I joke about my appreciation for lesbians (and my desire to get invited to topless pillow fights), all bullshit aside, I respect the hell out of these women. Truly.

Now, focusing back on your Ginger, the vegetarian evidence is clear. She has Vegetable Pakoras from Trader Joe’s, Morning Star vegan ‘bacon’ strips, veggie sausage, Amy’s veggies burritos and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers.

Not sure if those sausage-looking links in the fridge are vegan, but the odds that she wants to make-out with you have improved. Nothing is universal, especially that a fridge determines sexual orientation, I’m just talking percentages.

I can also touch on the connection between tattoos and promiscuity (here’s an interesting article: http://tinyurl.com/kdqdxj5), but we’ll stick to what her fridge can tell us.

Per your question, I can see why she’s curvy. A red cap for most dairies means whole milk, a bev she should not be drinking unless she’s 6. It’s time for her to meet skim.

Now, I can’t tell you how quick you’ll get her into bed, but her fridge does say she’s date ready. This girl is a Grade-A host. She has multiple beer brands to cater to multiple tastes, plus the ammo needed for breakfast in bed, afternoon snacks, late night munchies, and dessert to top if it off.

Lastly, I’m glad to see she drinks. Yes, there are some saucy sober ladies out there, but lets face it: liquor has greased the rails to Titillation Town for millennium.

So go forth, young lady and be bold. If she won’t hop into bed with you, it’s her loss. Seriously. (And mine, I’m dying to hear what happens)

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 8
Right off the bat, she went out of her way to tell you she’s bisexual. She’s obviously telling you this for a reason. She might not be a lay-up, but she sure as hell ain’t a 3-pointer.

Throw in her tattoos and her fridge-bisexual backup, I can see you cruising down Lucky Lane.

Marry: 4.5
This one’s tough for me to judge on the marriage factor. I have no idea if this girl will marry whomever she falls in love with, or she’s just experimenting with one side of the aisle.

I do like the fact she’s eating healthy, which is a great sign that she’ll hold up down the road. Plus, I dig she buys organic and clearly looks out for the environment, an attractive caring quality in a person.

Boil your Bunny: 5
Nothing screams wackypack to me, but there are a few yellow flags. She has a serious amount of schmutz on the bottom of her fridge and freezer, which offers evidence she’s not on top of things.

I also don’t like to see that her fridge shelves have been replaced with scrap from the lumberyard. I’ve met an endless amount of wealthy wackos, but financial struggles do add stress to the day-to-day.

Lastly, getting a tattoo hurts like a bitch. We’re all a little crazy, but if this girl is getting a boatload of tats, it does up her ante a bit.

6Medium, Mustbang, Female, LGBT, Love, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Advice, Food, Drinks, Refrigerator, Humor, Insight, Funny,

-